Cafeteria Ethics

As fun as this looks, we should have better manners

As fun as this looks, we should have better manners

Call me the Lucifer of the Ratty. Last year I cut every line, smuggled food out every visit, and once I found myself snatching the serving utensil at the chef’s corner out of someone’s hands before they had served themselves.

I never questioned the ethics of what I was doing last semester because…well, I was hungry. But this year I’m turning over a new leaf.  Why?  Last time I cut the student centipede, the two ladies at my back kindly reminded me that there was a long file of Brunonians behind me (awkwarddd). My heart must have grown three sizes that day, because later I was at the V-Dub and paused at the thought of taking the last two chicken parmesan cutlets.

But why should I feel guilty? I am the overlord of the omelet line, sultan of the salad bar—that chicken is mine! As I was doing laundry that night, a stranger accosted me in the basement, calling me “THAT GIRL WHO TOOK MY CHICKEN.” He broke me.

I don’t want to be that chick who took the chicken, and neither do you, so here are some guidelines for being polite in the cafeterias while still doing good by your tummy:

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The Hungry Hungry Hunger Games

It was high school over again. There I was, in a D.C. movie theater, with my childhood friend, waiting in line for a midnight movie premiere.

Elizabeth Banks as Effie and Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss

“Patrick, do you think we might be getting…too old for this?”

“No. We look sixteen. Act sixteen. Do something gross, like chew on the end of your hair or something. You used to do that all the time.”

High school trauma aside, all I can say is this: It was totally worth it. It was worth the late night. It was worth the two hour wait. It was worth elbowing through a horde of tweenagers with Liam Hemsworth fetishes just to get a seat. Because The Hunger Games is one badass movie. Continue Reading