Whether you hate sports of all sorts or are simply one of those pretentious wastes of human life who insists on calling football American football (you know who you are, and you should not be allowed to breed), the Thanksgiving Day football game is the key to enjoying your meal to the fullest extent. When you collapse on the sofa like a giant squid, spent from your battle with the whales of relatives and liters of gravy, nothing helps the gluttony sink in better than the swish of shiny tights and the crunch of sternums being destroyed by 300-lb man-children. Football is soothing and familiar. Even your grandmother believes this. Ask her. Old people enjoy dropping truth bombs.
For those of you who like to get a little more into the action and actually pick a team to root for while all that stuffing allows the price of Plavix stock to rise, I am here to serve you. Today’s game pits the ugly, sickly Detroit Lions against the brave, caring, this-is-a-team-I’d-play-laser-tag-with Green Bay Packers. Obviously I care very little about this game, and I will now break down, very logically, the matchup, so that you may make an educated decision about whom to root for. Continue Reading