Concentration-specific Halloween costumes

pug univron

Why can’t we all just major in Pug Studies?

When we were little, Halloween was a time to stuff ourselves with candy and feel absolutely no “ragrets“. We didn’t even have to try that hard with our costumes, since little kids are inherently adorable, except when they’re not and make fun of your unibrow (I was supposed to be Frida Kahlo, you uncultured miniature Spider-Man).

As we grew older, our trick-or-treat bags got smaller, and so did our outfits (in a cloth-to-body ratio). But, if all you really want to do is impress your friends with a punny, socially relevant costume, here are a few concentration-specific costumes to bring out the cool kid in you:

Physics

spooky physics post

Spooky action at a distance

Wear a shirt with a down arrow, force have a friend wear a shirt of the same color and an up arrow, and stay really, really far away from each other.

Schrödinger’s Cat

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Or, to spice things up…

Throw on some cat ears and wear a box. Bonus points if you’re wearing this shirt. Oh, and it’s also advisable to stay away from the flask of poison.

String theory

Stick some thread on you, and go around baffling everyone. If you want to be really adventurous, go around handing string cheese. Physics majors are welcome to shrink down to the Planck length for a more accurate representation.

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Sextion: Your sex life, as explained by Halloween candy

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When trying to determine which aspect of Halloween I wanted to write about for this week’s Sextion post, I was distraught as all hell. The former Sextion columnists absolutely killed it in the costume department: if you need to know what not to wear if you want to hook up with someone this Halloweekend, what sex your costume will inspire, and what your costume says about your sexuality, check them out! 

What could I write about, though? A Halloween-themed Sextion post seemed hopeless until it hit me: candy. Candy’s the part of Halloween you cared the most about when you were a little kid, but nowadays it seems to take the backseat to sexy costumes and partying (ugh).

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However, candy, often ignored in the college Halloween scene, can be sexy and fun, too! So, in honor of this holiday’s real star, here is your sex life as explained by Halloween candies:

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M&Ms: A dime a dozen, not that interesting, and slightly unsatisfying, M&Ms are missionary. However, you can eat about a million of these without ever getting bored, so maybe I should cut M&Ms/missionary some slack.

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Lifesavers: Lifesavers are the end of a long sexual dry spell. Let’s agree that that much needed hookup just might’ve saved your life/sanity

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Airheads: Airheads are a little strange (their texture? their shape? their colors?) till you realize how AMAZING they are. You know what else seems weird until you get the hang of it? High sex.

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Oh Henry!s: Clearly, “Ohhhhhhhh” Henrys are great sex with a guy named Henry. Unfortunately, like these candy bars, which I have literally never laid eyes upon before, Henrys are fairly hard to find in this day and age. If only they were called “Oh Mike!”s or “Oh Matt!”s!

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Take 5: When the sex is so bomb you need to take a 5 minute break.

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SweeTarts: SweeTarts are sex with your high school sweetheart. Sadly, just as you slowly realize that you’ve outgrown that relationship, you also eventually come to the understanding that Sweetarts are low-key gross.

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Snickers: Snickers are when you have an awkward moment while hooking up (such as not being able to get your partner’s clothes off or accidentally bumping teeth while aggressively making out), but you’re both awesome enough to giggle it off and continue.

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Sour Patch Kids: What do Sour Patch Kids have in common with hate sex? First they’re sour, then they’re sweet.

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3 Musketeers: The makers of this candy bar are just begging me to point out its obvious threesome nature. You kinky musketeers you.636_butterfinger2_apgButterfingers: I almost didn’t include this one because it’s so obvious. Clearly, Butterfingers, my favorite candy bar, would be fingering, my favorite form of foreplay.

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Mr. Goodbar: Mr. Goodbar knows how to treat a lady, if you know what I mean.

I hope I ruined the childlike innocence of some of your favorite Halloween candies. Now go have an awesome Halloweekend, Brunonia!

Love,

Demi

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What your Halloween costume choice says about you

Despite Providence being the “Creative Capital” (in a unanimous poll of only Providence), Halloween costumes tend to fall into pretty predictable categories at Brown. Here’s a rundown of the various families of Halloween costumes that we year after year on campus, and what they say about you:

A pop culture reference from the 90s

What’s that? You’re Johnny Tsunami?! Awesome! Relevant! You’re just a 90s kid at heart, despite the fact that in 2000 you were only a six year-old. That Disney Channel Original movie/Nickelodeon cartoon has really stood the test of time. This kind of costume screams, “I’m going to have a lot of conversations tonight that go, ‘oh yeah I remember that movie…good one.’” 

Nope. We won't regret this as the night goes on at all.

Nope. We won’t regret this as the night goes on at all.

A current pop culture reference

How many people are going to be characters from Bob’s Burgers? What about that gold/blue dress? The sharks from Katy Perry’s Super Bowl show? If you go with this route, people will generally think, “Oh! This is a person who has Wi-Fi. Nice!”

A Brown buzzword costume

It’s totally awesome that you are the patriarchy for halloween, but like, maybe it’s not as clear as you think it is. Does heteronormativity count as a costume if you’re just dressed like, you know, a vague stereotypical male? If you are a Brown buzzword, it probably means you go here.

A profession

So, like, you’re a doctor? Or lawyer? Clown? Is this halloween or dress up? Are you just trying to tell us you plan on going to grad school? Whatever. Dress for the job you want and dress for success. 

"MerMAN, pop! MerMAN!"

“MerMAN, pop! MerMAN!”

A political costume

The lines between Bernie Sanders, Larry David, and Wood Allen are pretty vague on Halloween, so I’d be careful. You’ll also probably get kicked out of a party if you dress as Trump. Tread lightly. Waiting for whoever is presidential candidate Kanye West and First Lady Kim K. This kind of costume inevitably advertises, “I’m a democrat. This is a scathing review of our bipartisan political system but also ayooooo Happy Halloween!”

A couples/group costume that makes no sense or is stupid

You and your friends all have this awesome idea when you are flavors of Ben and Jerry’s. Or colors of Crayola crayons. Or Greek gods until you realize that all of the Greek gods kind of look the same and you’re all just wearing sheets.You want to be all the girls from the “Bad Blood” music video? What will people guess you are when your group splits up?

That said, you and your significant other should totally be a plug and a socket. Get it? Just think about it.

Comedy gold.

Comedy gold.

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Blogify: Trick or treat and chill?

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Excited for Halloween? So are we. Of course, the only thing scarier than a CS course is being left without a killer playlist for the big day. Whether you’re ready to put on your sexiest Donald Trump costume and crash every ball on RISD’s campus, or curl up with an armful of Reese’s and watch reruns of American Horror Story: Asylum, BlogDH has you covered with the Halloween musical essentials. Candy not included.

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Your favorite Halloween flicks re-imagined at Brown

What would happen if the movies you love to watch during Halloweek took place here on campus? We’d get some spooky results.

WARNING: Some of this content may not be suitable for children (or for the more fragile members of the student body). Please note that the following scenarios do not reflect the reality of the Brown experience. I should also add a SPOILER ALERT for any of the following movies.

  1. creepy hallwayThe Brown Witch Project: A group of three friends, after hearing rumors of a party, decide to venture into Grad Center. They gradually realize that they can’t find the party OR the way out. One of them decides to film their endeavors as the students become more and more distraught. After days of wandering the concrete, riot-proof hallways, they think they hear EDM coming from someone’s room. They enter, and never come back. A few days later, a phone is found with the video evidence and released to the student body.
  2. the villageThe Village as The Bubble: The entire Brown community is terrified of leaving College Hill, believing that terrible monsters live outside the Brown bubble. In the end, the horror stories turn out to be a conspiracy, and all that exists outside the bubble is some delicious food and a working train system that will take you to Boston for $10.
  3. silver statueChucky as The Circle Dance. What if those funny aluminum people could come to life and wreak havoc across campus? Actually, that’s terrifying. Let’s move on to something lighter.
  4. unnamed
    “It’s the Great Paxson, Charlie Brown!”:
    This piece would chronicle the Halloween of two Brunonian friends. Let’s call this dynamic duo Linus and Charlie. Linus is convinced that if the two camp out all night on the Main Green, Christina Paxson will appear in genie form and grant them wishes. Specifically, he plans to ask for a return of the Ivy Room Mac and Cheese. Charlie–although he’s reluctant about missing all of Brown’s Halloween festivities (aka Ultra), and thinks his friend might be a bit unhinged–decides to suck it up and stick with Linus anyway. The two end up falling asleep and DPS wakes them up first thing in the morning, concerned that they may have gotten too turnt the night before.
  5. shining twinsThe Shining: This classic would take place in Minden, which used to be an old hotel. It really is the perfect set. Picture your favorite campus doppelgangers chilling in the hallway as the creepy twins.
  6. beetlejuice

    He’s the ghost of Fishco, am I right?

    Beetlejuice as Fishcojuice: Two freshman fear that they don’t know how to “do college” very well. By saying “Fishcojuice” three times in a row, they summon the ghost of Fischco to help them. Picture Christina Paxson doing this at the Ratty.                         

  7. The Silence of the Lambs: On second thought, even from a purely theoretical standpoint, I don’t want this movie to have anything to do with our campus. Ever. This is how I feel just thinking about it:van der meme yikes
  8. A Brunonian’s Sixth Sense— “I see dead Keeney.”: A freshman is somehow able to see and interact with all the things on Brown campus that have been eliminated over the years: the Gate, the old version of Keeney where you can freely walk the hallways between Jameson, Archibald, and Everett, even Tedeschi‘s. He looks to an older student for guidance, and in the end (PLOT TWIST) it turns out that the student was actually an alum in denial about the fact that he had graduated.

sixth sense

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What to do this week: October 26 – November 1, Halloweek edition

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Happy Halloweek!

Monday, October 26

Event: Active Minds’ Ben and Jerry’s Benefit Night
Time: 7:00 p.m. — 9:00 p.m.
Location: Ben and Jerry’s

A portion of all the proceeds will go to Active Minds, a student group that raises awareness of mental health and aims to destigmatize mental illness on campus and beyond. Plus, you get ice cream. Win win.

Tuesday, October 27

Event: The Mask You Live In screening
Time: 6:30 p.m.
Location: Granoff Auditorium

Join IFF in a free screening of The Mask You Live Ina documentary that asks, “As a society, how are we failing our boys?” This film will cover questions of imposed masculinity and much more.

Wednesday, October 28

Event: Halloween on Wriston
Time: 2:00 p.m. –6:00 p.m.
Location: Wriston Quad

Elementary students from the community will be sporting their costumes early and trick or treating around Wriston. Join the Greek Council in welcoming them! It’s without competition for cutest yearly event on Wriston.

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