Beards officially unattractive, says new research

Fred Flintstone. David Beckham. John Travolta in Battlefield Earth. These three men, all with facial hair, have perpetuated the philosophy that beards are awesome. Some social researchers, however, believe this connection to awesomeness may be untrue. According to a recently published study of women in New Zealand and Samoa (ensuring some anthropological diversity), women consider men with facial hair to be almost universally less sexually attractive than men without. Yes, kid proudly sporting a soulpatch-mustache combo, this applies to you, too. Of the 200 women surveyed, the vast majority determined men without beards to be “significantly more attractive.” The influence of such conclusions is sure to be far reaching. For instance, this data will finally put to rest the age-old dilemma of whether Bradley Cooper was hotter in Wedding Crashers or The Hangover. Moreover, it explains how beardless actors Woody Allen and Adam Sandler have continued to find such beautiful companions film after film. For the college crowd, this study poses a targeted attack on the ritual of No Shave Movember and the even more common practice of being too lazy to shave. In conclusion, if you think you’re single because ‘nobody gets you,’ the simple solution might just be to get that hair off of your face.

The True Principle of Economics

Attentive students in Salomon Auditorium /

As observed throughout 17 ECON0110 (Principles of Economics) lectures:

One cough has the negative externality of inciting a rapid succession of coughs (up to two dozen) throughout the lecture hall. This chorus of coughs, in turn, produces the additional negative externality of preventing the scores of attentive students from hearing the lecture. This tends to occur during the first half of the spring semester, with several of these “bursts” per 50 minute lecture.

The most interesting aspect of the Cough Principle of Economics Lectures is that it, at least in my research, is exclusive to economics courses. Other large lectures tend to have a much lower coughing rate, so what makes barking so much more prevalent in Econ? Maybe it’s because it’s so early in the morning. Or maybe it’s Professor Friedberg’s tendency to use cigarettes as an example. Most likely, however, everybody is just cough-cursing N. Gregory Mankiw’s tendency to assert the general ineffectiveness of most government regulations — coughBushAdministrationcough. How can we solve this problem? Internalize the externality, of course! Hold that cough in or get yourself some Halls (or the perfect substitute CVS brand). For further confirmation of this phenomenon, a blogger at Princeton observed a similar situation in her ECO101 class.

Flu shots now available

Brown doesn’t want you getting sick! That’s why Health Services is offering flu shots now through Friday, October 22, on weekdays from 10am to 4pm. All you have to do is head over to Jo’s (no, spicy-withs will not be served) with your Brown ID. You don’t even need to make an appointment. Hey, remember Swine Flu?