There is no way we’re gonna beat Harvard without horses.
Brown’s football team suffered a demoralizing defeat to Harvard during last week’s Homecoming game. Though the loss did little to dampen the Homecoming festivities, we’d still really like to see our team kick the crap out of Harvard next year. Here I offer some general tips and a few specific plays to help Brown vanquish their foes from Cambridge next year.
Use Horses: Harvard kept tackling the Brown players and taking the ball away from them. Mounting Brown’s offensive linemen on draft horses would make it much harder for Harvard to do this. And good luck catching wide receiver Troy Doles once he gets going on his Thoroughbred.
Leave at least two receivers in both end zones at all times: This way, they don’t have to spend as much time running back and forth. Also, giving them baseball mitts or industrial-sized fishing nets could make it easier to catch the ball.
Put more players on the field: There were like at least 100 players on the sidelines. What are they waiting for?!? I bet it would be a lot harder for Harvard to get the ball if that many Brown players were on the field.
Bribe the referees: This one’s pretty self-explanatory.
Okay guys, here we go. Game day. Day of the BIG GAME. Brown versus Harvard, alright alright alright. Boy, I am amped to be the official reporter for this homecoming game. I truly feel as if the stakes could not be any higher, and I mean that sincerely. Full disclosure, I am unfamiliar with the rules of football, but I will not let that stop my hard-hitting play by play! I promise (maybe) that I won’t get bored twenty minutes into the first half.
Above: The kind of football I understand
First thing to note about this game – there are lots of drunk people here. Also lots of penny loafers and blazers, which I think is weird, but to each his own. Who am I to judge? I am not judgmental.
I’m bitter I don’t have a Brown State shirt I’m not sure how I feel about the Brown State shirts. Anyway, some people are actually painted with our school colors. That’s pride! Especially since our school colors tend to fall distinctly into the poop-brown and blood-red camps, covering your body in such is a true sign of loyalty.
Anyway, the game. Right – the game! Brown actually has the ball right now, which I was lead to believe is rare, but I think we’ve had it for a while. At least a down or two. It’s really nice we get to keep the ball even if we drop it! Must be a football thing. Oh, we dropped it, and now Harvard took it. Can they do that? That feels like stealing.
Update: I asked the gentlemen next to me if stealing the ball is a foul and it is not. Nice guy. I’ll befriend him as the game goes on. The Brown band is KILLING it right now. Very into it. Whoever says a tuba restricts movement is very wrong.
This weekend, the University has planned a series of events to continue the celebration of its 250th birthday. Football and fireworks and Binder, oh my! What part of the Fall celebration are you most excited about?!
Monday, September 22:
Event: The (Dis)United Kingdom: The UK after the Referendum
Time: 5:00 p.m.
Location: Watson Institute
A discussion led by Mark Blyth, Eoin McGuirk and Fiora MacPherson on the recent vote in Scotland to remain a part of the UK and the effects of the decision.
Event: Tales From a Journalist’s Visits to Other Planets: Ken Auletta Lecture
Time: 5:30 p.m.
Location: MacMillan 117
A talk delivered by Ken Auletta, a New Yorker columnist and author of five national bestselling non-fiction books. A reception and book-signing follows.
Event: Guantanamo Bay Teach-In
Time: 7 – 8.30 p.m.
Location: List 110
Presentations by two professors and one post-doctoral fellow will discuss the problematic, ongoing existence of the US military base in Guantanamo Bay. A Q&A and discussion groups will follow.
Event: Students on Israel and Palestine: Perspectives on the Gaza War
Time: 7 – 9.00 p.m.
Location: Petteruti Lounge
Students with various connections to the situation in Gaza will be a part of a panel discussing recent events. Also moderated by students, the event hopes for a big emphasis on Q&A.
Event: IC and GISP Info Dinner
Time: 7.00 p.m.
Location: The Underground
If you’re considering making your own concentration, class, or credit-earning internship, come and learn about the processes from those who know all about it. Plus, food.
Brace yourself, winter homecoming is coming! Tomorrow (Saturday, November 2) at 12:30 p.m. is Brown’s homecoming football game against Penn, and the festivities continue all weekend.
Whether you’re a die-hard Brown football fan or you’ve never been to a Brown sporting event before, this is the game to go to. The shuttles will start picking up students at multiple points across campus at 10:30 a.m. (it’s okay to wake up earlier for a tailgate than you usually do for class, right?). Support your team while keeping up the Halloweek momentum, but be sure not to burn out before SPG that night.
Homecoming weekend also features men’s hockey games tonight and tomorrow night, and both men’s and women’s soccer tomorrow (game times here). There will be t-shirt giveaways throughout the weekend, and what’s better than free stuff, sports and dayging? Get out your Brown apparel and beer hat (or beer belt) and support Bruno!
Did you have fun tailgating in support of Brown State on Saturday? We may have lost the football game, but we definitely had more fun than our foes from Cambridge, and we have the photos to prove it. Like our Facebook page, click through the photos, and tag your friends in this album from Homecoming. Enjoy!