Brouhaha: Spring Weekend Packing List

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Crampons definitely a must.

Brouhaha is an all-new, entirely satirical column. It’s (my) views, jokes, and opinions are by no means endorsed by Blog. My editors made me say that so that I wouldn’t besmirch Blog Daily Herald’s sterling journalistic accolades with my bullshit. Enjoy.

Spring Weekend is starting very soon. While most folks are getting pretty stoked about the performances, it’s important to remember to thoroughly prepare yourself for the festivities. Please consult the packing list below to ensure that you are ready to enjoy Spring Weekend in a safe, responsible, and fun way.

Boxing gloves are essential items at any concert. They will protect your fingernails, while also allowing you to more easily maneuver to the front of the crowd by punching anyone who stands in your way. You should be fine with a basic model such as the Everlast Pro Style Training Gloves, but if you’re looking to really get ahead of the crowd, I’d recommend the Venum Challenger 2.0.

Once you’ve fought your way to within spitting zone of the stage, a good a pair crampons will help you keep your ground. You really don’t want to skimp on the crampons, because with a lower-quality pair you’ll be swept away in no time (remember, most people will be wearing boxing gloves). My personal recommendation is the Black Diamond Sabretooth Pro Step-In with ABS Plates. Trust me, those puppies are so strong they could keep you rooted to the ceiling.

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Just look at those ABS plates…Wow.

 

Once you’ve fought your way to the front of the crowd, and rooted yourself to the ground, you’ll want to stay for a while. To reduce muscular fatigue in your legs and feet, a good pair of Moon Boots is a must. Moon Boots are comfy and fun, and the various color options are a great way to express your unique Spring Weekend style. Jump into some Moon Boots, snap on your Black Diamond Sabretooths, and you’ll be wylin’ and stylin’ until the morning comes, at which point you’ll need a bulldozer to tear you and your crampons out of the lawn.

Concerts can get a little rowdy sometimes, and you can’t always be prepared to defend yourself with your boxing gloves. For this reason, added chest protection will ensure that you have a safe and fun Spring Weekend. A good old medieval breast plate should do the trick. And while you’re at it, you may as well get a Benzara Metal Crusader Helmet, to protect you from localized head injuries and rogue beer throwers.

Crusader helmet

On second thought, maybe you should just stay home.

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Spring Break 2K15!! Photos!!! TRAVEL QUOTES!!!!

Yay! I went on an awesome trip over Spring Break and had so much fun! I’ll prove how much fun I had with all of these beautiful photos that I took in a different country. I’ve captioned all the photos with vaguely philosophical travel-related quotes to show that not only do I have the best vacations, but I also have the best, most sophisticated feelings about them.

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“Stuff your eyes with wonder, live as if you’d drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It’s more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories.” – Ray Bradbury

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“Traveling tends to magnify all human emotions.” — Peter Hoeg

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BlogDailyHerald Presents: Brunonia, Episode 4, The Section

Readings are a social construct.

Here’s the fourth episode of BlogDailyHerald’s webseries Brunonia.


Alums who do cool things: Clipford “Clippy” Robinson ’94, Microsoft Office Assistant

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Remember that paper clip that always popped up in Microsoft Word? Well, he has a name–Clipford (Clippy) Robinson–and is a Brown alum–Class of ’94. Though Clippy is not boastful about his college degree, a look at his resume (which one could access on Word as a template for one’s own) proves that he did, in fact attend Brown from 1990-1994:

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Clippy agreed to sit down with Blog to discuss his time here at Brown, as well as his life since graduation.

BlogDH: How did you know that Brown was the school for you?

Clippy: I know a lot of people come to Brown to explore different options and take advantage of the open curriculum, but I always had a clear vision of what I wanted to do. Harvard and Penn have programs that primarily focus on hole punching and stapling, but I wanted to hold paper together without puncturing it, and Brown had a variety of opportunities for that. I held papers together all over campus. I also knew that I had a passion for technology, and the computer science program at Brown was–and is–second to none. When I told the alumni interviewer from Tufts that I wanted to work as a digital assistant inside of people’s computers, he laughed at me. But at Brown everyone was really supportive of my dreams.

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Time-waster of the day: March 4, 2013

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Do you ever wonder how these things happen? How someone just completely misses the mark on something that seems so simple?

Yes, we do too. The incredibly entertaining site hadonejob.com compiles photos of (relatively) harmless, everyday mistakes that seem too ridiculous to even exist. Seriously though, guys — when you have one job, try not to mess it up as badly these people did.

Image via.