Just when you thought Masturgate 2012 was starting to go limp, — BAM! — guess who’s back touching himself in the quiet alleyways of John Street? None other than the peeping perv himself.
Hot off a recent encounter with the ladies of John St. (you mean that wasn’t just some dude wearing skintight, nude colored chinos?), everyone’s favorite local celebrity managed to catch the attention of local news channel NBC 10 this weekend. Reporter Brian Crandell took some time to speak with the boys of 66 John about life, love, and what it’s like living with a chronic masturbator in your backyard. You can watch the news segment here.
If you thought you hit the lottery because you signed a lease for that white Victorian on Waterman, let me burst your bubble. Those that live on John Street… maybe you should stop reading. Turns out students at the University of California, Merced, are literally living the life off-campus applicants dream of, at least according to the New York Times. From chandeliers to Jacuzzis, these kidz don’t care for stereotypes— they’re apparently too busy sipping Natty Lights by the “curvaceous swimming pools” of their low-rent McMansions.
Not going to lie, as I read this article, a part of me died. But here’s some food for thought to make you feel better: yes, their housing (and by housing, I mean actual six-bedroom houses with elegant fixtures and backyards and carpeting and… where was I going with this?) may be exponentially better than ours, but their real estate fortune has a clearly defined expiration date. I’m not saying Brown is very indicative of the real world, but at least we’re used to some housing heartbreak. Which might prepare us for the disappointment of finding a house after we move out of the East Side… right? I mean, that picture doesn’t even look totally fun or anything.