The best first-year dorm is… Morriss?

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“I’m going home/To the place where I belong/Where love has always been enough for me.” -Chris “Morriss” Daughtry

Everyone knows that Andrews and Keeney are the two worst freshman dorms. This left me to wonder, where is the best place for first-years to live?

Morriss, of course.

Since I do not have swipe access to Morriss, I relied on an informant whom I’ll call Brendan (because that is his name) to get me into the building.

As soon as I stepped through the door, I knew that Morriss was different. Maybe it was the cinderblock walls, maybe it was the fly infestation (Brendan said some kids threw trash down an inactive trash shoot), but something about the place just made me feel comfortable. I know it sounds crazy, but even though I’d never been in Morriss before, I felt like I was home. Continue Reading


Keeney problems

Recently, fellow blogger Ari Snider ’18 wrote a lovely post about the struggles of being an Andrews resident. He touched on the many issues of life in such a swanky dorm, including distractingly large windows and lackluster water pressure in his personal sink. (True travesties, I know.) After reading the post, I felt it would only be fitting to give some attention to Brown’s largest (and best) freshmen dorm: Keeney. So, without further ado, here are the 10 biggest Keeney problems:

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1. Not being able to swipe into any of the other houses. One of the greatest aspects of life in Keeney is being so close to so many other freshmen. The residential complex used to be completely conjoined; residents were able to access all parts of the dorm by either walking across the quad and swiping in or by simply walking through the hallways (hence the infamous “Keeney crawl”). Renovations in recent years gave the quad a much-needed facelift; changes included re-vamped interiors, brand-new lounges and laundry facilities, a pristine fitness center, and the splitting off of the dorm into three distinct “houses.” While many of the renovations are awesome, this last one has proven to be incredibly infuriating. Though the division of the dorm does foster a greater sense of community in each house, the inability of residents to access other houses is quite a let-down. Imagine having a friend who lives in the same building as you and having to ask that friend to swipe you into their section of the same building. It’s extremely annoying.

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2. Never knowing what to expect when going to the bathroom. See above.

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3. Paper-thin walls. People can hear everything from the hallways, from casual conversations to the Taylor Swift jams you play in your room at 7am on a Tuesday.

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Useless Rankings: We made BuzzFeed’s Craziest College Confessions of 2013

As 2013 comes to an end, the Internet is ripe with end-of-the-year “best of 2013” lists: best photos, best songs, movies, and of course, best university confessions. A post on Brown Confessions made BuzzFeed’s Craziest College Confessions of 2013. Which confession? you might ask. None other than “I’ve been faking a British accent since I got to Brown and it’s gotten me so much pu**y.” Satisfied? I personally think there were a lot better ones this semester. So with that, let’s recap the top six confessions of this semester:

  1. The creep: “I knew the telescope that my grandpa gave me last summer in Weehawken would come in handy. I live in the Keeney quadrangle and some nights, when my roommate is out, I use it to look into the rooms of the girls across the courtyard. Those lollipop undies are so hot. Next time you leave the lights on, keep the shades up, I’ll be watching…”
  2. The most blasphemous: “I had forgotten that Brown University Compliments existed until a rogue post appeared on my news feed today. Sorry BlogDH.”
  3. The existential crisis: “I am a senior and I am beginning to F R E A K T H E F U C K O U T about my impending real adult life.”
  4. The asshole: “I pretend to be on board with my girlfriend’s feminist causes because she is really hot and our sex is great, but also because I know it comes from an insecurity that I can exploit when I need to. Yeah, come at me Brown.”
  5. The most relatable: “Sometimes I treat myself and I go to the Ratty soda dispenser and I pour a little ginger ale, let the foam sit, and make all these bitches wait for me to pour a little more and let the foam sit again, and repeat until I have a sexy ass full glass of delicious ginger ale.”
  6. The daredevil: “Just let out a (hopefully) silent 10 second fart in the Absolute Quiet Room at the Rock while wearing headphones. This is how I live dangerously.”

Happy holidays everyone!


No More Closed Doors: A Keeney-ite movement

Back in the days when roaming the halls were a thing

Back in the days when the Keeney Crawl was a thing

“The Keeney Crawl doesn’t exist anymore,” Adam Alpert ’17 lamented. “We have been deprived of a Keeney tradition dating back more than half a century.”

Reviving this so-called Keeney crawl, where Keeneyites (and other first years!) wander through the three once-connected dorms, in hopes of stumbling upon new friends and partaking in the rite of passage that is Keeney freshman debauchery, is the goal of four intrepid first years.

Adam Alpert ’17, Dan Boulanger ’17, Oliver Hirt ’17, and Jacob Kirschenbaum ’17 have created a petition to reopen the doors giving any first year in Keeney inside access to all three buildings. The petition, which was written a week and a half ago by Kirschenbaum and Alpert and edited and finalized with the help of Hirt and Boulanger last night, was posted on the Brown University Class of 2017–Admitted Students Facebook group last night.

While some people were camped out in the basement of Faunce last night for their SPG tickets, the four set up base in Arnold Lounge last night and garnered over 220 signatures, a significant number but still well under the group’s 500-signature goal. The second round of signing will take place tonight from 8:00-midnight in Arnold Lounge. 

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Sh*t hits the fan: Another Keeney exclusive

It’s official. We all knew the time would come. We were awaiting this day with bated breath. And now it’s finally here. Bathrooms in Keeney are gendered.

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The new gendered bathroom signs in Keeney.

This issue is divisive among Keeneyites, and while some units have let the new signs be, other floors decided enough was enough, as dissenters whipped out their Sharpies and lined paper and took matters into their own hands.

Brown students are known for their self-expression and creativity, and these vandalized signs don’t disappoint. So, without further ado…

The new (and for some, improved) Keeney signage…

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“Where will I poop?”: A Keeney exclusive

As everyone (especially embittered sophomores-seniors) knows, over the past two years, Keeney has undergone massive renovations, turning the shittiest shithole into a better slightly worse Hotel Andrews. While some may think the only differences between old Keeney and new Keeney are that it doesn’t constantly reek of weed and there aren’t cockroaches on the floor, there are a few key innovations. First, there are some questionable color scheme choices (lime green themed Everett/Poland?) and second, there are dorm-wide gender-neutral bathrooms.

Scandalous.

Scandalous.

Non-gendered bathrooms had many skeptical parents raising their eyebrows on move-in day and left some kids slightly uneasy. Indeed, that poor little freshman boy trying to reinvent himself as a ladykiller has to take a shit in front of that cute girl who lives next to him on the first night.

Units reacted in a variety of ways–some embraced being in the liberal bastion of the world and decided to go with the flow. Other units created makeshift gender signs for the bathrooms. But, over the past month, most Keeneyites had become comfortable doing their business in front of anyone.

Fast forward: ResLife announces that there is “no change in policy regarding restrooms in Keeney,” which actually means they fucked up and put up gender-neutral signs instead of gendered signs even though that makes no sense which means that gendered bathrooms will be reinstated soon.

We set out to capture the campus buzz surrounding gender neutral bathrooms by asking Keeneyites this simple question: “What do you think about ResLife implementing gendered bathrooms in Keeney?” (Due to privacy concerns, every interviewee is anonymous.)

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