Late Night Texts with BUS

Valentine’s Day is coming up and like many people I don’t have a valentine. Don’t cry for me–unless you want to. In that case, cry all you want. However, the other night, I was alone and cold with no one to text other than my mom (she barely responds), so I decided to text the always responsive Brown Shuttle and see if it was down to late night hang.

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Classic late night text: “Are you up? Oh you are? Wanna make out and watch Always Sunny?” One hundred percent of the time someone actually responds, “Yes!”

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Sextion: Your Guide to Booty Call Texting

Sextion

People who attended college before the advent of cell phones had it much harder, at least in the booty call department. While our parents didn’t have to worry about embarrassing photos being posted online, and gossip had to be passed on old school (i.e. via whispers, not Facebook chat), the previous generations never got to experience the emotions and regret that come from reading through your texts the morning after a night of drinking.

Before you claim that texting drunk is dangerous, a bad thing, something to get you into trouble, etc. (which obviously it can), you have to think about how beneficial it can be, most notably for its complete restructuring of the late night hookup game.

Because, let’s be real. Drunk texts are just inebriated poetry.

Once upon a time, college students had to deal with drunken romantic gestures in order to get a potential hookup’s attention. Now, your booty call is just a few clicks or swipes away.

However, because of the somewhat complex nature of drunk texting, several gray areas do exist. Telling the difference between a text that screams, “Let’s get it on” and one that says “Let’s cuddle while you wallow in the friend zone” is actually more complicated than it seems. Here are a few examples of our reads on particular situations.

“Heyy” – The double use of the “y” obviously means he or she is interested in something more than just saying “hi,” but it doesn’t mean you have the green light. If you play your cards right, you might not be spending tonight alone.

“Come over” – Translation: I want you. Now.

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ICMYI: Some superlatives from the Late Night with Seth Meyers premiere

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With his premiere last night, Seth Meyers has officially taken the reigns of the Late Night dynasty. Moving into Studio 8G (right next door to Saturday Night Live’s Studio 8H), Meyers has found a way to merge elements of your standard late night talk show with material typical of his former post as anchor of SNL‘s Weekend Update. With his best friend Amy Poehler and Vice President Joe Biden as guests, Meyers ushered in a solid set of laughs and kicked off his tenure as host of Late Night.

In case you were busy studying for midterms and didn’t catch it live, here are the premiere’s highlights in superlatives:

Best Throwback to Saturday Night Live

Playing to his strengths, Meyers will probably continue using the traditional Weekend Update structure and snark in his monologue. Though it was funny and topical, it struggled between being a monologue, Weekend Update, and a stand-up performance.

Best Reunion

This was a hard call with reunions abound: Meyers and Fred Armisen (who is leading the Studio 8G band and ruling life), Meyers and Poehler (who were in the same SNL class in 2001), and Poehler and Biden.

Most Innovative New Television Show

Armisen said that on top of curating the band and filming Portlandia, he is also producing a show on the History Channel called “Recent History.” It examines events that happened just an hour or so before, but looks at them “with a historical spin, very serious, very dry.” It comes on at 6 or 7 a.m., but he leaves it up to the network to decide.

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Frosh-cessities: The 8 people a freshman sees late-night at the Gate or Jo’s

Late night at Jos.

Late-night at Jos.

Since coming to Brown, my food schedule has been set back a few hours—actually, so much so that I might as well be in a different time zone. Because my classes start at noon, on an early day, my 1:30 a.m. Jo’s or Gate run is not just a case of the late night munchies, but actually necessary to complete my three meals of the day. I am therefore a nightly visitor of one of Brown’s two fine nocturnal gastronomic institutions, and have had much time to sit back and observe the phenomenon that is after-hours college eating.

Although I am a Keeney-ite through and through, I have recently been frequenting the distant but arguably superior culinary experience known to some as the Gate, mostly because I am a pseudo-vegetarian and Jo’s is quite carnivore-centric (anyone who gets a chopped salad after midnight should reevaluate his/her life choices). The trek to Pembroke can seem less than worthwhile when I realize that I ordered a slice of pepperoni and sausage pizza and I might as well have eaten a spicy with. Oh well. C’est la vie.

So, with a month of experience under my belt, I have attempted to compile a list of the varied and colorful folks one sees after midnight at the Gate or Jo’s (after the jump).

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