Halloween isn’t an easy holiday for guys. No one wants to see me in anything skintight or belly button-exposing. For years, I’ve used this excuse to stay far away from any sort of flashy costumes. I admit it. I am a lazy, lazy trick-or-treater. I spent all of middle school as Scream (timeless, but kind of sweaty after a few hours), rationalizing it by saying I was acting out each of the sequels of the Scream franchise. I think I even skipped a year in there. In 9th grade I pulled together a pirate costume with a plastic sword, a strangely low-cut v-neck, and a fake earring. I thought I’d put a lot of work into it.
So, when I heard Halloween at Brown was so much more than just a one-night excuse to look super foolish while the girls pull off their best Mean Girls look, I naturally had a bit of a heart attack. Am I going to have to walk ALL THE WAY TO THE MALL to buy a real costume? Am I really going to spend something like $30 (that’s TEN Bulgogi Sliders) to look like Bieber? Absolutely not. Instead I shall, as I know best, improvise. Here are my tips for a successful lazy man’s Halloween costume, with some important dos and don’ts.
1. Always start with your closet. It may be horrifying, but you might dress a lot more like Captain Jack Sparrow or Mr. T than you think (although good luck to you on the hair for either of these).
2. I know it’s tempting, but you CANNOT dress as Steve Jobs (may he rest in peace). Black turtle neck and a bottle of Smart Water? It’s a) too soon and b) too obvious.
2′. Fair Game. Can’t say the same about ousted dictators, particularly Moammar Gaddafi.