How to Cuff the Hottie You Keep Seeing Around Campus

Look, I get it.

You’re hopelessly, irrevocably in love. Okay, sure, you’ve never actually spoken to them ─ that’s only a minor issue. After all, you’ve certainly seen them enough times to recognize the back of their head at a dimly-lit party, which is its own form of intimacy. At the end of the day, you know that your vibes align, you just need to figure out how to make the first move, and I’m here to help.

 

  1.       Do not, under any circumstances, try to speak to them.

At first glance, talking to the object of your affection might seem like a great idea. A simple self-introduction, a fact that relates the two of you (“Haven’t I seen you in my Beyonce: Herstory seminar?”), and a charming smile ─ what could go wrong? Everything. Everything could go wrong. Speaking to people needlessly puts you in a position of vulnerability. Opening yourself up to human connection at the risk of getting hurt? No, thank you. Instead, try silently staring at them from across the party. They’ll be sure to notice you, and they might even mention you to their friends!

 

  1.       Write a BBA about them.

Ah yes, the much more approachable relative of talking to your crush ─ writing them anonymous love letters. Though BBA (Brown Bears Admirers) has been defunct for a few months, rest easy knowing that BBA (Blueno Bears Admirers) provides a haven for all to deluge their lovestruck secrets. Though the seismic rebranding of BBA to BBA has caused a few followers to be lost in the process, some Brunonian is sure to tag your sweet. You can spend the rest of your day knowing that you’ve uplifted them and proceed to do absolutely nothing more. After all, you wrote the BBA. They should sense who you are and ask you on a date, not the other way around.

 

  1.       Make note of the places they frequent, and make sure that you’re there. Always.

Running into people is much less coincidental then you might have been led to believe. When it comes to your future spouse, it doesn’t make much sense to leave something so important up to cosmic luck. So, take your future into your own hands. Make a mental note of where you see them, whether that be local cafes, eateries, or libraries. Take a week of your time to really get acquainted with your lover’s second homes, spending at least seven hours in each place. The more time you spend sitting and waiting, the higher your chances of making awkward eye contact with your sweetheart when they come in. Scientific studies have shown that familiarity leads to love, so just make sure that you’re always within eyesight. They’ll have to say something at some point, even if they’re just asking to take the chair across from you.  

 

  1.       Tell all your friends about them in the hope that someone sets you two up.

Let’s be honest, “They were wearing a green sweater on Friday” is probably not a good enough description for your friends to immediately recognize your crush. However, nearly everyone is a Facebook Sherlock these days. I’m sure with a little determination and a hearty helping of elbow grease, your compatriots can make it happen. After all, what are best friends, casual friends, and distant acquaintances for? With Brown’s tight-knit and — at times — too small community, someone is sure to be able to link up the two of you. After that, it’s smooth sailing as your friend will no doubt arrange an elaborate blind date for the two of you.

 

  1.       Be yourself, if that’s what they’re into.

Imagine this ─ it’s a beautiful, crisp autumn day and you’ve done the unthinkable, you’ve introduced yourself to someone who was once just a beautiful stranger. Huzzah! You’ve thrown the hook, but how do you reel them in? The question might seem daunting, but the answer is simple: just be yourself, as long as they’re into that. You’re more than welcome to have your own hobbies, passions…  and interests on your own time, but if they’re not what your darling is interested in ─ drop your convictions immediately. A careful perusal of their Facebook and Instagram is sure to tell you what shows you should like, what foods you should be obsessed with, and the friend group that you should assimilate into. After initially drawing them in with your commonalities, you might even be able to slip in some of your real interests ─ just make sure not to do it too quickly.

 


Turkey Drop 101

Walking Thanksgiving Turkey. Isolated on a white background.

Last week, college first-years nationwide returned home for Thanksgiving to reunite with family, spend time with old friends, and, in many cases, dump their high-school sweethearts. This phenomenon is often called the “Turkey Drop” (“dumpsgiving” or “Turkey Dump” work as well) and refers to students using that week back in their old stomping grounds to end long-distance relationships. This is especially the case for first-years, who came into college determined to stay true and loyal to the person they thought was their “one and only.” It’s a big commitment to try to keep a relationship going after two people go off to different schools, but what’s with the sudden end?

First of all, going home for the first time since leaving for college can be super weird. The place that was once more familiar than anything else in the world suddenly feels distant and small. Your universe has become full of new people, ideas, and desires, and with this often comes the need for change, which may mean ending a relationship that ties you to home.

For many people, the timing also just makes sense. A few weeks before the holiday season is one of the year’s peak break-up times because breaking up with someone during one of the most festive and magical times of the year just feels wrong. And if the Drop doesn’t happen over Thanksgiving, the dumper will realistically have to wait until The Spring Clean to break it off with peace of mind.

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Six types of posts you see on Brown Bears Admirers

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Let’s be honest: everyone secretly (or not so secretly) dreams that sometime before they graduate, they’ll have at least one Brown Bears Admirers post written about them. And not one of those fake, submitted-by-a-friend-who-thinks-they’re-being-hilarious type of posts. A real, legitimate post by a secret admirer. Who wouldn’t want to know that someone out there is hopelessly pining for them?

Within the Admirers page, however, there are many different types of posts, ranging from full-blown love letters to a lighthearted nod to that cute guy in your math class. Here are six different types of posts you might see on Brown Bears Admirers:

 

1. The actual crush

The writers of these posts are the real MVPs. They’re willing to put it all out there, letting their crushes know there’s someone who’s really interested in them. These posts are rare, but when they do appear, they’re truly a sight to behold. Likely featuring phrases like “meant for each other” and “a real connection from the moment we met,” these will probably make you roll your eyes, but you’ll still feel that pang of jealousy deep down in your eternally single heart.

 

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Don’t let those crushes stay secret forever!

2. The “I don’t know you, but you’re super hot”

Much more common than posts that praise people for their wonderful souls and strength of character, these are about what’s on the outside. Sometimes you just have to let a person know when they’ve got it goin’ on. These posts can vary from sweet and kind (“you are unspeakably beautiful”) to, let’s just say more crudely put (“literally fuck me”).

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Blogify: Your Valentine’s Day hookup playlist

Well, it’s almost February 14th again. Whether you are in a long-term relationship or dancing on your own, VDay can be fun and exciting; you just need the music to set the mood. Having had a traumatic experience having sex with “All of the Lights” playing in the background, I know how important a soundtrack to a good hookup is. So I’m here to help you out: here is BlogDailyHerald’s Sextion-approved Valentine’s playlist, filled with lots of smooth, slow, and sultry jams. Put it on and get down with your significant other, new fling, or your bad self. Or just put it on while you eat ice cream and watch “Bridget Jones’ Diary.” Whatever floats your boat. Happy Valentine’s Day!

P.S. This may be ~*babymaking*~ music, but remember to use protection!


A Single’s Guide To Valentine’s Week

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Another year, another twelve months of emotionally detached partners and terrible dates and random makeouts in public parks at 1 a.m. because your roommates won’t let you bring in strangers you met on Grindr anymore.

Now, the big 14th day of the shortest month of year is approaching, and CVS is one big clusterfuck of pink and red and bears and chocolates. I’m perfectly bitter fine with being single on Valentine’s Day! If you are, welcome to the club! If you’re in a relationship, think about whether you want to marry the person you’re with because we’re at an age where that is highly plausible (like raising kids and attending funerals with them type of commitment)!

V-Day can be pretty depressing for us single phes. Here’s a guide to avoid that this week.

Get off the grid.

I’m not talking about going to the extremes like cutting up your credit cards and moving to a rural town in Wisconsin without cellular service. Just turn off Facebook for a week so you won’t have to see posts gushing about how someone can’t believe they’ve found The One in a sea of 6,000 undergraduates! What a selection pool!

Delete Instagram. You don’t need to know that a couple has chosen to stay in and watch Netflix as their Valentine’s Day date because you’re already doing that! But, alone!

I recommend keeping Venmo to see which couples go dutch on their dates and then start a betting pool with your single friends to see how long they’ll last. Then post your winnings on Venmo.

Take a day trip on your own!

You don’t have to go to New York or Boston. It can be as simple as a walk up Hope Street!

I suggest stopping by Seven Stars Bakery and reading television writer Kristin Newman’s book “What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding.” A single thirtysomething, Newman traveled the world during TV hiatuses and hooked up with Russian bartenders and Latin priests.

Take time and explore another city–or Providence for that matter–without having to bother holding someone’s sweaty hands in this ridiculous and never ending cold weather.

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Blind Bears: BlogDH’s new dating game

UPDATEA previous version of this post contained inappropriately cited language in its instructions for contacting Blind Bears. It has since been amended. BlogDailyHerald sincerely regrets the error.

House of Cards Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and the singledom that seemed so appealing during our Halloween shenanigans is beginning to look a little bleak in the gray February light. These days, it seems that finding a significant other is as difficult as finding a summer internship (read: near impossible), and, let’s be real, Brown Admirers can really only get you so far in the dating world.

So we decided to take things into our own hands: enter Blind Bears. In a new column inspired by NYU Local’s Now Kiss, we’re offering you the chance to be set up on blind dates with your fellow students. Here’s how it works:

  1. Give us some info about yourself and the kind of person you’d like to be matched with here.
  2. Behind the scenes, we will pair you with a fellow Brunonian. We’ll let you know where and when you will be meeting your date.
  3. Enjoy your date, on us! (Ed. Don’t expect Al Forno).
  4. Email blogdhblindbears@gmail.com about how it went (and be ready to answer a few questions).
  5. The next post of Blind Bears will star Y.O.U.

Whether your date ends in an awkward handshake or leads to a Facebook official relationship, at least you put yourself out there. At the end of the day, we just want y’all to have fun. Happy dating!

Please only submit if you are Brown University students. Only those logged into their brown.edu email addresses will be able to access the spreadsheet. All names in the article may be changed upon request.