A ranking of study spots based on how much work you actually need to do

Choosing a study spot is something of an art form. It requires serious consideration of the task at hand. There are days when not getting your work done is simply not an option. And then there are the (glorious) days when you have some reading you probably should do but you’re more than ready to leave it behind the moment something mildly exciting comes your way. So, for people on all parts of the study spectrum, here’s a ranking from “if you talk to me I’ll probably kill you” to “I will literally use any excuse to stop doing my work.”


  1. John Hay Library



The Hay is the place to go when you simply need to zero in, get in the zone, and just get down to business. You pretty much have no other option than to be alone with your thoughts. The sheer weight of the silence will physically force your fingers to type that paper you’ve been dreading. You will feel shame for scrolling through your Facebook feed for the fifteenth time, and although everyone else is deep inside their studious worlds, they will know that you are procrastinating, and they might judge you.


  1. The SciLi


This is where you go when you need to burn the midnight oil, since the Hay closes at 10 p.m. and, let’s be real, you’re lucky if your book is open by 10. On the SciLi’s quiet floor, there is actually nothing to distract you. In fact, you will probably want to do your work in order to get out of that concrete dungeon as fast as possible. If that’s not enough, the tangible stress floating through the air should do the trick.

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Puppy playtime, all the time

You might not be an animal person, but there comes a point in the semester when the work actually gets hard and the novelty is gone and you just need unconditional love. Since Heavy Petting can only happen so often, and you have to divide the puppy love among hundreds of students, it’s time to take matters into your own hands. Instead of FaceTime-ing your cat (which is apparently a thing?), take a look around campus–there are a number of places right outside your dorm where you can get some prime animal action.


This could be you!!

Main Green. For reasons I will never understand due to the high probability of being flocked by students, a number of people walk their dogs across the Main Green daily. This can happen at any time of day, but the chunk of time between 2 p.m. and 5 p.m. typically sees the highest concentration of dogs.

Pro: It’s the easiest place on campus to set up shop and even the laziest of students are bound to see a dog at some point.

Con: You’ll probably have to share your dog time with the hoards of other students dying for affection as well. Continue Reading

What I’ll miss from abroad


Three months from now, many of my classmates and I will be jet-setting to foreign lands in search of adventure, out-of-the box education, invaluable experiences, and the perfect foodstagrams. Going abroad sits somewhere between exciting and strange. Everyone I’ve spoken to, who is leaving Brown for the fall semester, has agreed that it doesn’t yet feel like we’re actually leaving, or like we aren’t going to be back here for a whopping eight months.

You know what they say–count your blessin’s. Though the sophomore slump hit us pretty effing hard, we shouldn’t forget what we’ll miss about Brown while we’re gone. I know — the slump makes it easy to forget. Don’t worry — I’m here to remind you what’s so special about Brunonia.

1. The Ratty. Some study abroad programs don’t offer meal plans for their students. Plus, how could those that do compete with the Ratty? The Ratty, in my opinion, is one of the most amazing things about Brown. Those going abroad won’t find all-you-can eat, pre-paid meals everywhere in the world — or daily access to grilled chicken.

2. The Brown bubble. The Brown bubble is safer than any foreign city; there’s no doubt about that. It’s also a one-stop shop — the Brown bubble has everything you could ever need in a square mile and a half. Food, good places to work, a CVS, bars, and, most importantly, Health Services! What do I do if my appendix explodes while I’m abroad? How do I find antibiotics in the Czech Republic?

3. The familiar faces, which lies in the same vein as the Brown bubble. It sounds like a college cliché, but it’s true — you really can’t go more than two minutes without running into someone you know or without someone saying hi to you. When you’re having a shitty day and are forced to smile to someone you know, your day actually becomes that much better. I’m not so sure you can feel so loved in a city of millions of strangers. (Wow, that sounds super depressing.)

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12 Days of Spring Weekend Sextion: Gettin’ it on the Green


A big crowd is like a private room: no one will see you makin’ out in that mess.

The rules of Spring Weekend are that there are no rules, right? Wrong. While the hook up game may be different than a normal weekend on College Hill, there are a few “do’s and don’t’s” you should abide by.

DO: Make out on the Main Green. It’s truly the ultimate DFMO (MGMO?). While Hudson Mohawke will probably be the best concert for this, as it will probably have the most “clubby” atmosphere, feel free to go for it in the broad daylight of the Saturday concert. I personally feel this is a rite of passage, and something to check off your Brown bucket list. Who wants to leave college without being able to say, “remember that time I made out with [someone completely irrelevant] on the Main Green?!”

DON’T: Do anything more. No one wants to see you getting a blow job on the Main Green as Modest Mouse sings “Float On,” everyone’s favorite middle school jam. My eyes should not be subject to that without my consent, and I will provide you with the same courtesy. Save that for later. Speaking of which…

DON’T: Leave the concert early to go back to someone’s room. There are copious hours after the concert to hook up–don’t miss the main event, which lasts a total of two hours. If your partner doesn’t have a ticket, however, that is a different matter, and up to your discretion (I don’t recommend it though). You can have your own VIP after party later. If you’re single…

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The rise of premature Main Green Bro


Yesterday was the first truly warm day of the semester, and there’s no denying that the vast majority of people on College Hill are incredibly thankful for the much-needed break from last month’s onslaught of blizzards. But, it’s unlikely that every day after this one will be equally warm, which brings a serious problem to those who frequent the Main Green on a daily basis — i.e everyone. We’re talking, of course, about the inevitable rise of the premature Main Green Bro (bro being here employed as a term that may refer to any gender identity).

Most people will be familiar with another common occurrence of springtime: premature Tank Bro. Hipster Runoff (R.I.P) defines premature tank bro in relation to his/her fall-based cousin, premature scarf bro. If premature scarf bro is the bro who chooses to wear a scarf in 60 degree weather, premature tank bro is the bro who chooses to wear a tank when it’s 40 degrees out. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with doing either of these things. You may run the risk of being too hot or too cold, but if temperature doesn’t happen to be a concern for you, go right ahead.

Now, premature tank bro is a nationwide—perhaps worldwide—phenomenon. But there is a very Brown-specific type of premature bro that always seems to appear around this time of the year: premature Main Green bro, who sits out on the Main Green when most people would judge it a little too cold to do so. And this particular year, premature Main Green bros would be better off waiting until their appearance is a little less premature.

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If the Main Green were the Mean Girl’s cafeteria…

As the arctic tundra that is Providence warms up (or doesn’t—it’s almost May and we’re still in our fucking winter jackets), the Main Green becomes a certified animal kingdom. Although Brown is far from North Shore High School, sometimes the Main Green really does resemble the infamous Mean Girls cafeteria. In honor of Mean Girls’s 10th anniversary and the subsequent festivities, we decided we’d make our own little guide to the Main Green. First, you have us, the greatest people you will ever meet…


The second these guys see sun, it’s bye-bye class, hello grass. As people filter in and out of the Main Green, the green-dweller is the constant we can all depend on. We admire your dedication.


The quintessential Brown students, these bros love soakin’ up a few rays. Usually wearing a bandana, they obviously bring a Disc wherever they go. The second it the thermometer breaks 40 degrees, they can be spotted on the patch of Green in front of Sayles steps. They can’t be tamed.

Stair people

Version A: The Hipster

Usually wearing black.

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