State of the City: Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, but Viola, RI loves you!

Crime Alert: Maple syrup fraud. In (thoroughly pathetic) local crime news, WPRI is reporting that a local man pled guilty to “maple syrup fraud” this past week. Apparently, Bernard Coleman began a legitimate online maple syrup business, but in order to maintain profits after a price increase for syrup, “he decided to make his own out of water, sugar and maple flavoring.” Best part: Coleman was able to keep this up for THREE YEARS. That is, until a pair of maple syrup connoisseurs doubted the authenticity of their $220 order and “had it tested by the state Department of Agriculture Consumer Protection.” So, there you go boys and girls, your hard-earned (by which I mean… your parents’…) tax dollars at work — testing the authenticity of maple syrup.

The Water Cycle. According to a recent poll conducted by Brown University (wait… where?), Congressman David Cicilline ’83’s job approval rate has dropped to an all-time low of 15%. Apparently, even former President Richard Nixon had a higher approval rating after the Watergate scandal was exposed. Damn, Cicilline — it’s time to step up your game.

But, on a serious note… that’s actually really embarrassing. Even after announcing the city of Providence is heading towards bankruptcy, Mayor Angel Taveras’s approval rating is around 60%. BlogDH predicts it’ll jump up to 96.7% this June when Taveras announces that Providence is broke and is set to evaporate into the atmosphere.

Pick a prize: Oscar or Hallmark. When we last checked, there were at least five separate stories about Viola Davis’s Oscar nomination for The Help, billed as breaking news on the ProJo (not to mention the greeting card?). With all due respect, Ms. Davis, The Help is a decent movie and you looked beautiful but there are MUCH, MUCH MORE important events happening in Rhode Island (bankruptcy, defaulting on retiree pensions, failing state education, union strife — just to name a few)…maybe the ProJo should be covering those? Plus, it must be amazing just to be nominated, right?

Update: Sad news for Rhode Island…seems like Jersey (way to rep, Meryl!) has you beat out again…