It’s that time of year for me to lose another five bucks on a sport that I pay little attention to yet am socially obligated to follow for three weeks in March and April. To me, March Madness is always the same. Of course there are occasional surprising upsets, and some years are crazier than others, but in the end, the fan bases of sixty-seven teams go home disappointed. The whole charade is like a night at Colosseum: I pretend to have fun until reality strikes and I realize I’ve immersed myself in the lives of dozens of sweaty dudes.
This apathy has taken a toll on my brackets. Instead of looking at teams’ styles of play, strengths of schedule, and common opponents, I find myself simply taking my anger out at the teams that disappointed me the year before (fuck you, Villanova).
I will be boycotting March Madness this year. It’s overhyped and I’m terrible at it. We need another March/April-specific alternative to lose money on.
My eureka moment came during a
drunken argument simple inquiry while walking through the main green: “Which snow mound will be the last to melt on campus?” No need for 67 games; just countless piles of ice, salt, and dirt in a war of attrition against the sun.
I am overjoyed to present the first annual March Melting. Here are some previews to get you oriented:
Strengths: Good balance of dirt and salt, sheltered from wind and afternoon sun.
Weaknesses: Heavy weekend traffic of drunk college kids could pose a hazard.
March Madness Equivalent: Duke
Few piles can stand up to the prestige of the one on Wriston. Made up of snow from all around Wayland Arch, the mound has been a consistent presence this season, from the snowball fights and tackle football of the first snowstorm, to the sweltering 50-degree heat of March 12th.