Mother’s Day is a time-honored tradition where we celebrate those who put up with our shit over the years and saw as at our highs and lows. It’s also a time where we shamelessly get to post countless numbers of pictures on social media with the hopes of maybe breaking 100 likes. Though Mother’s Day in the US was created on an arbitrary day, it still holds a lot of significance. Typically, celebrations include cards, flowers, and whatever other crap Hallmark has associated with the holiday. Despite it’s somewhat manufactured feel, it is a great opportunity to tell your mom just how much she means to you, which isn’t something we get to do every day. In short, you don’t want to forget it.
So what happens if you somehow didn’t see the thousands of Facebook posts, or see kids walking around outside the Rock on the phone, and forgot Mother’s Day? Well for one, you’re a jerk and you should feel bad. Just kidding. One writer at the blog (not myself) may be writing from experience in this matter because he or she may have forgotten to call last year. But do not give up hope! There are a few things you can do to try and save yourself.
1. Flowers are key. Spending a couple bucks now will save you lots of passive aggressiveness later.
2. Blame finals. This is a bold strategy, but your mom will appreciate that you’re working hard. The only problem is if you bomb your tests, then you’re really
Curious about the photo? Click here.
The following is a real letter, and the attached document was sent by a real mother of a real Brown Jabberwock. She has consented to this publication. The identities of all parties have been redacted for reasons you will soon understand.
I am sending you this so that I can try to start to move on.
It has been a whole week, and I have not been able get a single other thing done, except think about the Jabberwocks.
One must admit when they have a problem.
CONFESSIONS OF A JABBERMOM:
- Cannot stop listening to Jabbertalk. Have had Higher Ground on iTunes for a year.
- A previously confirmed non-subscriber to social media, signed up for Facebook, just to follow the Jabberwocks.
- Signed up for a souped up YouTube app to have faster downloading of every Jabberwock YouTube there is. Have searched Jabberwocks, Jabberwocks Brown, and Jabberwocks Brown University…are there any more?
- Read every posting on jabberwocks.com since 2008.
- Made an Excel spreadsheet of all the 2013 Jabberwocks, including ranges, soloists, and arrangers.
- Downloaded the liner notes from Jabbertalk to make said spreadsheet.
- Looked up the exact ranges of baritone and bass on Wikipedia. Figuring out the bass part on the piano.
- Try to sing along with almost every song in alto.
- Had no idea the Jabberwocks were rated so highly and toured Europe.
- Dreams of someday hosting the Jabberwocks at her house on a West Coast tour. Worried that she might not have room for all of them. Trying to decide who else to invite to an intimate concert in her living room. Planning the menu.
- Downloaded the Jabberwock logo and considered making enclosure cards.
- Considered making stationery, or maybe a needlepoint pillow of the Jabberwock for the practice room.
- Named one of her tiny sheep Bandersnatch.
- Started to memorize Jabberwocky. Has a copy in her planner.
- Considered giving handmade jam to every member of the group. Or maybe regional honey from the farmer’s market would be better for their voices?
- Considered giving them all a copy of Musicophilia, by Oliver Sachs.
- Sent flowers to her Wockling’s grammar school music teacher.
- Considered sending a thank you note to the Chattertocks who helped her Wockling with his audition.
- Considered calling the Brown Athletic Department to ask if the Brown/Harvard football game footage includes the halftime show. And if so, can they email it?
- Studied a labeled photograph of this year’s Jabberwocks so she will be able to recognize them at Family Weekend.
- Considered starting a Facebook webpage for parents of Jabberwocks in order to anonymously dish and swoon, so as not to embarrass their sons. Can’t decide on a name: Jabberparents, Jabbermoms, Yammermoms, Jabberwonks. Don’t’ worry, won’t really do this.
- Probably should start a chapter of JA.
- Over the moon with happiness for her new Wockling.
Image via costume contest submission.
It is easy to lie to your family over the phone: “Oh yeah mom everything is going well, can I call you back in a minute? I’m just finishing up some homework,” you say, as you and your roommate and try frantically to put out a fire that you started when you tried to light each other’s farts. Or to make it seem like you have things under control over text.”Hey dad, I spent all my money on books. Can you send me some more?” you send, as your drug dealer holds you at gun-point in the Blue Room sandwich line. You’ve been living on the edge, taking no prisoners, and are definitely still overwhelmed and confused. That’s normal (right???), and having your parents around for a weekend may seem daunting, but there are some easy tips to staying ahead of your shifty, nosey, and overbearing parentals. The last thing you want is another lecture; you’re in college now and are way too cool/don’t have time for that.
Step 1: Be ready for an interrogation
Here are two different hypothetical conversations, one not prepared, and one prepared, between my mom and me. Learn from me to avoid mistakes and your mom’s wrath.
We see you, Blue Room. Thanks for being our in loco parentis, effectively powering our first day of classes with fresh and yummy produce,which includes grape tomatoes, basil, cucumbers, yellow papers, and spring mix lettuce, and helping us stick to one of our several New Year’s Resolutions. The only thing we’re missing is an empowering yet adorable note on a napkin from Mom, but we’ll take what we can get. Here’s to a happy (and healthy) shopping period, spring semester, and 2012!
It’s Mother’s Day, so don’t forget to do something nice for your mom! If you forgot to send a card or gift, at least give her a call.
What were they thinking?
But don’t send her a link to Clorox’s preposterously sexist idea of motherhood. Thanks, mom. Now get back to cleaning the kitchen. And make me a sandwich!!
In the meantime, enjoy some television depictions of motherhood: Lucy Ricardo being tortured by her son in I Love Lucy, Samantha Stephens keeping her daughter’s witchcraft in check in Bewitched, a gaggle of adults complaining about their moms on 30 Rock, Lucille Bluth being cruel and creepy as usual in Arrested Development, Nancy Botwin freaking out in Weeds, and Betty Draper exacting some justice in Mad Men.
Comment with clips of your favorite TV moms!