Isn’t the general purpose of Morning Mail to provide news and tell students things they wouldn’t otherwise know?

If so, then what was up with this little gem from today’s Morning Mail?

Subject: Changeover From Heating to Air Conditioning 2010

Spring is upon us.  It is that time of year in New England when we can expect a wide range of outdoor temperatures.  Normally we will see a steady increase in temperatures; and as soon as we are sure that spring and summer have arrived, a cold spell will hit, which will again require us to provide heat to the buildings.

Um, duh. Spring generally comes by May, even in New England. After yesterday’s ridiculous humidity on top of somewhat high temperatures, students could think it would stay warm forever. But a quick look at the 10 day forecast for Providence will show a predicted low of 44 on Sunday. Uh oh, might need some heating again.

They definitely don’t sound up to the challenge of regulating temperatures inside University buildings.

Darn these unpredictable weather patterns!

Today’s Morning Mail came with the first tip in a week to better sleep from Health Services. It told readers they should avoid or limit intake of caffeine, nicotine and alcohol – which can all cause disturbances to sleep.

Now’s not exactly the right time to tell students to lay off the caffeine. How else are we supposed to stay awake to do all the reading, writing and studying required of us? And without alcohol, how are we supposed to cope with the crushing weight of finals?

Thanks, Health Services, for a well-intentioned message at the totally wrong time. We’ll be looking forward to what other sleeping tips we’ll receive this week. Next you’ll probably be telling us we shouldn’t go to Cinco de Mayo Fish Co.

If anything in today’s Morning Mail struck an odd tone, it was Arthur (sadly not the aardvark)’s message about GISPs.

The announcement about a GISP information session tries to spur students into action by poking at their eternal weakness: Harvard antipathy. The joke reads,

“Want to design your class? Write your own SYLLABUS, choose your own CLASSMATES, and PROFESSOR?
No?
Then you should’ve gone to Harvard.
Didn’t get in?
Well take advantage of what Brown has to offer.”

Whoa, Arthur. Little hasty to imply that we didn’t get into Harvard, isn’t it? You know, I just chose not to apply there ’cause it obviously sucks. And I know a ton of people who got into Harvard and turned it down for Brown!

Okay, well more like one or two, but still. Students shouldn’t have to wake up to an insult to their ability to get into Ivy League schools. It’s just not right!

Today’s Morning Mail invited students to participate in $ocialClassmates, an informal forum to discuss issues of socioeconomic class at Brown.

Please tell me I’m not the only one who immediately thought of Ke$ha. After all, who else would replace random ‘s’s with dollar signs?

Can Ke$ha be relevant to an intelligent discussion about socioeconomic issues? She may not have no money in her pocket, but at least she’s got plenty of beer. Actually, a little Wikipedia-ing reveals that Ke$ha’s single mother struggled to support herself and her children and had to rely on welfare to get by. Maybe Ke$ha would be a valuable participant in this discussion.

The event, sponsored by an Identity and Cross-Cultural Engagement GISP and Office of Student Life, wants to be a safe space for self-exploration, according to Morning Mail.

I just hope they don’t fight ’til they see the sunlight. Don’t want the Bro-Po to shut them down.