RETURN OF SUPER HEAVY PETTING

BABY

The bunnies are back. But am I ready for motherhood?

THE BUNNIES ARE BACK!

As the sun sets on our spring break reprieve, we wake up today a doleful dawn. But shall we languish away, lugubrious, powerless against the tide of finals and papers that awaits us until the Amnesty of Spring Weekend? No! For the University has brought us a bountiful gift of bunnies to ameliorate our heartache. The return of SUPER HEAVY PETTING is today, folks, as a welcome back and welcome to spring. It will begin at 11 a.m. and continue until 2 p.m. today on Wriston.

I wish. But let’s return to that most magical experience. Some of my worthy peers may remember the Heavy Petting event that happened about a month ago. I, for one, have vivid memories of that fateful day:

I exited the Ratty. They stared at me with deep-set, knowing eyes, wrapped up in a blanket like the cheese-and-bean burrito I had just consumed. I stood transfixed, as their eyes followed me, questioning, contemplating, wondering.

Suddenly, my boots had a life of their own. They took off, running towards the Bunny Burritos. Pass me the bunny, bitch, I growled to a pony-tailed freshman. I lifted the cauliflower-colored bunny into my arms, and cradled it like my baby. Continue Reading