Your favorite Halloween flicks re-imagined at Brown

What would happen if the movies you love to watch during Halloweek took place here on campus? We’d get some spooky results.

WARNING: Some of this content may not be suitable for children (or for the more fragile members of the student body). Please note that the following scenarios do not reflect the reality of the Brown experience. I should also add a SPOILER ALERT for any of the following movies.

  1. creepy hallwayThe Brown Witch Project: A group of three friends, after hearing rumors of a party, decide to venture into Grad Center. They gradually realize that they can’t find the party OR the way out. One of them decides to film their endeavors as the students become more and more distraught. After days of wandering the concrete, riot-proof hallways, they think they hear EDM coming from someone’s room. They enter, and never come back. A few days later, a phone is found with the video evidence and released to the student body.
  2. the villageThe Village as The Bubble: The entire Brown community is terrified of leaving College Hill, believing that terrible monsters live outside the Brown bubble. In the end, the horror stories turn out to be a conspiracy, and all that exists outside the bubble is some delicious food and a working train system that will take you to Boston for $10.
  3. silver statueChucky as The Circle Dance. What if those funny aluminum people could come to life and wreak havoc across campus? Actually, that’s terrifying. Let’s move on to something lighter.
  4. unnamed
    “It’s the Great Paxson, Charlie Brown!”:
    This piece would chronicle the Halloween of two Brunonian friends. Let’s call this dynamic duo Linus and Charlie. Linus is convinced that if the two camp out all night on the Main Green, Christina Paxson will appear in genie form and grant them wishes. Specifically, he plans to ask for a return of the Ivy Room Mac and Cheese. Charlie–although he’s reluctant about missing all of Brown’s Halloween festivities (aka Ultra), and thinks his friend might be a bit unhinged–decides to suck it up and stick with Linus anyway. The two end up falling asleep and DPS wakes them up first thing in the morning, concerned that they may have gotten too turnt the night before.
  5. shining twinsThe Shining: This classic would take place in Minden, which used to be an old hotel. It really is the perfect set. Picture your favorite campus doppelgangers chilling in the hallway as the creepy twins.
  6. beetlejuice

    He’s the ghost of Fishco, am I right?

    Beetlejuice as Fishcojuice: Two freshman fear that they don’t know how to “do college” very well. By saying “Fishcojuice” three times in a row, they summon the ghost of Fischco to help them. Picture Christina Paxson doing this at the Ratty.                         

  7. The Silence of the Lambs: On second thought, even from a purely theoretical standpoint, I don’t want this movie to have anything to do with our campus. Ever. This is how I feel just thinking about it:van der meme yikes
  8. A Brunonian’s Sixth Sense— “I see dead Keeney.”: A freshman is somehow able to see and interact with all the things on Brown campus that have been eliminated over the years: the Gate, the old version of Keeney where you can freely walk the hallways between Jameson, Archibald, and Everett, even Tedeschi‘s. He looks to an older student for guidance, and in the end (PLOT TWIST) it turns out that the student was actually an alum in denial about the fact that he had graduated.

sixth sense

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Blogify: Back to the Future


Great Scott! For those of you who haven’t checked your calendar, today is October, 21, 2015 — today is the day that Marty McFly visits the future! To channel our inner sense of time traveling adventure, we’ve compiled a playlist with songs that quite literally travel through the years. Take a moment to think about the fact that after 4:29 p.m. today, all of Back to the Future will be in the past. UGH.

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A real Martian reviews “The Martian”


Above: not a Martian

I mean, where do I even begin? You all have been pretty nosy this week, what with the finding water last Monday. And NASA releasing all those pictures! I mean some solitude would be nice, really. Just because you all like looking your house up on Google Earth doesn’t mean you get to involve other planets in your sick voyeurism. We didn’t ask to be number one at the box office this weekend. We are a species which values privacy, and if you can’t give us that, at the very least, accuracy please.

First of all, Matt Damon is not a Martian. He just isn’t. Being on Mars does not make you a Martian any more than visiting China makes you Chinese. And if you want to call Mars a, “hostile environment”, maybe stop trying to sell planetary colonization efforts to the public (cough cough NASA/SpaceX/MarsOne). No one is making you come. No one is making you stay.

That said, the performances were pretty good. I would listen to Jessica Chastain tell me to do anything. Donald Glover and Kristen Wiig actually killed the high budget drama. Although, I’m not entirely sure I count this as a drama. Matt Damon did say the words, “I’m going to have to science the shit out of this”, so let’s take the category of drama with a grain of salt. Who wrote this thing? He also talks to his plants a lot.

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“Sisterhood of the Night” brings spooky social critique to Ivy Film Festival


I know enough about movies to say that this was a really important scene.

There’s nothing like attending a film festival to remind you that you know absolutely nothing about cinema. That was the first thought I had as I took my seat for the Ivy Film Festival’s screening of “Sisterhood of the Night.”

It turned out to be an incredible film, my cinematic ignorance notwithstanding. The premise is that of a modern-day Salem witch trial that grips a sleepy suburban town. A group of girls form a secretive cult called The Sisterhood of the Night, and allegations soon surface that the girls are sexually abusing their recruits. But the girls won’t say anything, because they’ve taken a vow of silence.

The scandal balloons as parents and the local media become involved and misinterpret everything. As it turns out, the Sisterhood’s intent is entirely harmless: The girls are just sharing their secrets and insecurities with each other in a world that doesn’t listen to teenage girls.

The film is beautiful and spooky, with lots of ethereal nighttime scenes of the girls running around through the darkness. The film plays off clichéd high school drama in way that’s both funny and self-aware. The characters are lovable, and the quiet suburban setting gives the whole film a slightly dystopian feel.

All in all I really liked it, but I don’t know shit about movies, so take that with a grain of salt.

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IFF Presents: “The End of the Tour,” a surprisingly successful David Foster Wallace dramedy


The prospect of Jason Segel playing David Foster Wallace was, to put it nicely, daunting. Male college students and literary buffs—the two most vocal cohorts of Wallace fans—did not hesitate to express their chagrin that the stoner comedy fan favorite would be playing the enigmatic and genius Infinite Jest writer. Wallace’s family objected to the movie being made.

Fast forward two years: The End of the Tour premiered at Sundance on January 23 and is yet to be screened elsewhere, making the film an impressive grab on IFF’s part. The first of this week’s IFF screenings showed in the Martinos Auditorium in Granoff last night. The film is slated for a limited release in July. Boasting direction by James Ponsoldt, coming off of his critically acclaimed The Spectacular Now, and with its fair share of controversy, The End of the Tour was, if nothing else, tantalizing.

The good news is that Segel soars above expectations, delivering a surprisingly nuanced performance that brings Wallace’s words to life. And what words they are. The End of the Tour is an adaptation of David Lipsky’s 2010 book Although of Course You End Up Becoming Yourself, the true account of Lipsky’s time shadowing Wallace during the last four days of the Infinite Jest book tour.

Playwright Donald Margulies’ screenplay maintains much of the book’s insight. Part hyper-intellectual buddy comedy chock-full of snappy dialogue and witty retorts with its fair share of laughs, part genuinely moving rumination on how writers grasp for meaning through their work, the screenplay is truly driven forward by Wallace’s words.

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Ben Stiller announces “Zoolander 2” and it’s really, really ridiculously good-looking

Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson are back at it. The two announced the arrival of Zoolander 2 by walking in the Valentino runway show as a part of Paris Fashion Week. These two really, really ridiculously good-looking men [Ed. really?] have been mulling over a Zoolander 2 for several years now, but the Valentino show this morning marked the official announcement.

On the runway, Ben Stiller rocked a Night Butterflies brocade suit with overcoat and black Creeper shoes, while Owen Wilson wore a Silk Continent print Pajama suit with Double Cashmere overcoat and Black sneakers. The normally subdued audience of Paris Fashion Week went wild as the two strutted down the runway and exchanged a hateful glare. As they strutted back, Stiller ripped Vine star Jerome Jarre’s phone out of his hand and took a Snapchat video. The whole exchange can be seen in the live Snapchat story “Fashion in Paris.”

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