Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. And we must capture these moments with the front-facing cameras on our iPhones. They come when we least expect them—when Gail is looking exceedingly charming in a holiday sweater, when a snowstorm emerges out of nowhere, or when your favorite foreign ambassador is in line beside you to grab a Blue Room muffin before his talk. The unpredictability of these events is what makes them so perfect, and this also makes it all the more incredible when you’re agile and suave enough to snap a selfie with them.
Here are some of the Brown moments that are sure to take your breath away (but not so much that it decreases your suave selfie-taking agility).
1. Selfie with Gail We love Gail. She’s so cute, so nice, and is the only human I know who refrains from taking out her inner upsets (though it’s possible that she doesn’t have any) on arbitrary common folk. The Ratty is not the staple of the Brown University dining experience. Gail is. If you ever ran into President Obama or Miley Cyrus, would you take a selfie? Yeah. So then taking a selfie with Gail is thereby self-explanatory.
2. Selfie with everyone’s favorite local DJ, Whiskey Republic’s own DJ Meatball
Whoever follows Gail on this list is sure to be automatically demeaned, but I figured DJ Meatball could hold his own well enough to retain significance. Though it seems as if Whiskey Wednesdays are quickly becoming a thing of the past, DJ Meatball once provided the Jason Derulo anthems to my freshman year. He gave people free “DJ Meatball” tank tops if they were from the state he chose to beckon over the microphone in between 2007-era Chris Brown and Avicii’s “Levels.” DJ Meatball, beat constructor. What a guy.
3. Selfie while walking through the Van Wickle gates
You have to take that matriculation selfie. However, matriculation is the third or fourth day of orientation and you’re probably walking through the gates with a bunch of random people you just met. You might not like each other that much (remember, these are your “starter friends”) and you definitely don’t know each other that well, which makes the act of asking them to be in your selfie all the more awkward. But do it anyway. Don’t worry, it’s just your first week of freshman year… you only have everything to lose in terms of your social reputation!
4. Selfie in the Rock stacks
Ugh. Another night. Me, my carrel, and I. Why does studying make me look so beautiful? The lighting is perfect. Mom will love to know that I’m working hard. My friends back home will cringe with insecurity when they realize I can be smart and pretty at the same time. Woah! This pile of textbooks is huge! Better take a selfie to show how large it is in comparison to my head. Continue Reading
With finals in full swing, we thought a third and final round of Little Victories was a very necessary way to finish out the semester. Blog has been a little pessimistic with our 12 Days of Flogmas. We’re here give you a pick-me-up and remind you that the only reason you think you hate this place right now is because it’s finals—it’s definitely not because you actually hate it (you love it here, I promise). We present to you a holiday/finals themed round of Little Victories. You got dis!
1. When you get the free pizza at the Rock and the SciLi. Such a solid study break kept our somber students as happy as clams. If there’s one thing college students love, it’s free shit. Everyone knows that the best kind of free shit is free food. And how great are those mini-brownies they put out? It’s Domino’s pizza, too, a very high quality and expensive brand ( ). This is a prime example of Brown showing that it cares about us.
2. When you witness the Naked Donut Run by pure chance. The Naked Donut Run happens unannounced twice a year. That means that you have eight opportunities to witness it during your tenure at Brown (if you go abroad, only seven). The NDR is basically as anticipated as Beyoncé’s surprise album. Generally, you have no idea when it’s going to happen, but you know it has to happen. When a completely nude guy saunters up to you, toting his paper plate o’ donuts out of the blue, your jaw drops—you’re smiling, you’re laughing, and you’re always thinking, “wow, I love Brown” all at once. Continue Reading
Finals at Brown? Well, let’s just say they can suck my proverbial dick. If I were asked to do Finals at Brown: The Sequel (which I haven’t, but it’s probably only a matter of time), it would be slightly different:
1. There would be more rage. Honestly, I don’t understand why more students don’t freak out in the middle of the library. This finals season has included dining hall brawls and numerous angry glares at the people being loud and screechy in the 00 decibel area of the SciLi. This semester, I’m not crying; I’m getting even.
2. I would go to the SciLi. Seriously, who goes to the Rock anymore?! The SciLi is where it’s at. It’s large. It’s prominent. It’s phallic. It’s the place to be. Continue Reading
Three words. Five syllables. Twice a year, before finals start in the fall and spring, a merry band of Brown students provides studiers with two of our favorite things: nudity and free food.
If this is your first semester at Brown, take note: the night and time of the Naked Donut Run is always kept secret until immediately prior, but, for the most part, the runs are held the night before finals start. The evening the run is rumored to take place, the libraries are even more packed than a usual night during finals week. It’s also usually pretty obvious that half the people there don’t really have a reason to be in the FriSC at midnight – they’re just waiting for their biannual dose of tasteful nudity and tasty donuts.
If you’re one of those people who stakes out a library spot solely to catch a glimpse of what you could see any day on John Street (plus baked goods), it can get boring waiting for the runners to arrive. Here are some ways you can pass the time other than refreshing Facebook every other minute to see if your friend at the Rock has posted about naked people: Continue Reading
The rumors have been confirmed: the naked donut run is happening now. Drop that orgo textbook and get thee to the Rock, the CIT or the SciLi. There are donuts to be eaten. We hear that they’ve started at the Rock, so if you want to get handed a munchkin by a naked person (sounds way more sexual than it is), try to intercept the runners’ path at the SciLi or the CIT.
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