Better names for everyday things

The names given to objects are often just words deprived of meaning. We decided to rename things based on their true essence, inspired by our funny friend The HuffPo. Feel free to use these the next time you’re struggling for a word, regardless of whether or not you’re in an altered state of mind:

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Kelkar ’15 on names

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This is the fifth post from our new column highlighting the voices and experiences of students of color on Brown’s campus. In this entry, Krishnanand Kelkar ’15 talks about the significance of his name. He has previously written about interracial dating as a part of this series. Though this will be the last entry in this column for the semester, we plan on continuing it in Fall 2014, so feel free to email blog@browndailyherald.com if you want to be involved!

That’s not my name,” is something I say often. I always have to correct people on my name—partly because I am a twin, but mostly because very few people here have heard my name before. I cannot tell you how many times I have had to correct teachers and professors calling roll, or how burdensome I feel when someone asks me for my email address (especially over the phone). My name is Krishnanand Kelkar, and I often go by “Kris,” because in the West it’s easier. But I love my full name, all 11 letters! My name has history—it means so much more to me than just a random string of sounds by which to call me.

Just after, you know, life, the second thing my parents gave me was my name. And the name Krishnanand in particular was special. I’m named after my uncle; my dad knew he wanted to give his first-born son the name Krishnanand to honor his brother since he was married. After 12 years and 3 daughters, my dad finally got his boy(s). Born on the same date as my uncle, it was more than fate that I ended up with this name. And, not to toot my own horn, it’s a beautiful name too. It’s uncommon in India because it’s a combination of the two more popular names, Krishna and Anand. Together, my name means the “Bliss of Krishna.” But more importantly, my dad’s name is Anand. My name manages to respect the familial love of the generation that came before me, but also incorporates a special respect for my own father.

This wasn’t an easy name to love. It’s long, and really hard to write in cursive (hello, 3rd grade struggles). And more often than not, when I tell people how to spell it, I get something addressed to “Krishnand” because they assumed the second “A-N” was just me repeating myself for clarity.

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Rosetta Stone: Here’s your Starbucks name

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This is supposed to be “Paola.”

Ever notice how your cup at Starbucks has interesting phonetic variations of your name, but never quite the right one? Well I haven’t, because I don’t actually go to Starbucks. But Tumblr knows what you’re talking about. And so does Virginia. Ouch.

So why is this phenomenon so common at Starbucks? Well, maybe your barista actually has malicious intent, like this devil. Maybe you stuttered. Or, the most likely explanation: your name is just weird.

The solution to this serious problem appeared to me like a donut during finals period. If you provide your real name, you get a Starbucks-ified one on your cup. So if you tell your barista your Starbucks-ified name, they’ll mark down every Latin character of your name in beautiful black felt marker for all the world to behold! Flawless logic!

In any case, after tirelessly analyzing pictures of incorrectly-spelled names for many an hour, I have extracted the secret Starbucks name encoding algorithm and made it available to you — for free! You’ll never have to worry about some rando named “Berry” picking up the iced coffee for which you, Mary, waited so patiently. You need that overpriced caffeine to get you through finals, and you need it now, amirite? Check it out after the jump.

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It’s Faunce, people

We spotted you … SpottedAtBrown poster who referred to the Steven Robert ’62 Campus Center in Faunce House as “Steve Bob.”

Sources say some tour guides have also started telling prospective students and parents that kids call the building “SteeRow.”

No. Just no.

Let’s get one thing straight. It’s Faunce. It’s clear, it’s easy to say, it has history.

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