No More Closed Doors: A Keeney-ite movement

Back in the days when roaming the halls were a thing

Back in the days when the Keeney Crawl was a thing

“The Keeney Crawl doesn’t exist anymore,” Adam Alpert ’17 lamented. “We have been deprived of a Keeney tradition dating back more than half a century.”

Reviving this so-called Keeney crawl, where Keeneyites (and other first years!) wander through the three once-connected dorms, in hopes of stumbling upon new friends and partaking in the rite of passage that is Keeney freshman debauchery, is the goal of four intrepid first years.

Adam Alpert ’17, Dan Boulanger ’17, Oliver Hirt ’17, and Jacob Kirschenbaum ’17 have created a petition to reopen the doors giving any first year in Keeney inside access to all three buildings. The petition, which was written a week and a half ago by Kirschenbaum and Alpert and edited and finalized with the help of Hirt and Boulanger last night, was posted on the Brown University Class of 2017–Admitted Students Facebook group last night.

While some people were camped out in the basement of Faunce last night for their SPG tickets, the four set up base in Arnold Lounge last night and garnered over 220 signatures, a significant number but still well under the group’s 500-signature goal. The second round of signing will take place tonight from 8:00-midnight in Arnold Lounge. 

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“Where will I poop?”: A Keeney exclusive

As everyone (especially embittered sophomores-seniors) knows, over the past two years, Keeney has undergone massive renovations, turning the shittiest shithole into a better slightly worse Hotel Andrews. While some may think the only differences between old Keeney and new Keeney are that it doesn’t constantly reek of weed and there aren’t cockroaches on the floor, there are a few key innovations. First, there are some questionable color scheme choices (lime green themed Everett/Poland?) and second, there are dorm-wide gender-neutral bathrooms.



Non-gendered bathrooms had many skeptical parents raising their eyebrows on move-in day and left some kids slightly uneasy. Indeed, that poor little freshman boy trying to reinvent himself as a ladykiller has to take a shit in front of that cute girl who lives next to him on the first night.

Units reacted in a variety of ways–some embraced being in the liberal bastion of the world and decided to go with the flow. Other units created makeshift gender signs for the bathrooms. But, over the past month, most Keeneyites had become comfortable doing their business in front of anyone.

Fast forward: ResLife announces that there is “no change in policy regarding restrooms in Keeney,” which actually means they fucked up and put up gender-neutral signs instead of gendered signs even though that makes no sense which means that gendered bathrooms will be reinstated soon.

We set out to capture the campus buzz surrounding gender neutral bathrooms by asking Keeneyites this simple question: “What do you think about ResLife implementing gendered bathrooms in Keeney?” (Due to privacy concerns, every interviewee is anonymous.)

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