V Dub disposes of the “butter” part of “peanut butter”, Pembroke outraged

In a move that stunned almost all Pembroke dwellers this morning, Brown officials have decided to do away with the celebrated “PB&J” and replace it with simply “P&J” for this week.  Although this shift toward a simpler menu may promote better health, peanuts and jelly between two slices of bread sounds strangely off-putting. The reception across campus, moreover, has been mixed.

“Are you kidding me?” Michael Presser, Pembroke resident, exclaims. “The butter is clearly the best part of peanut butter.” Perhaps there is truth is Presser’s words. For example, what would ice cream be without the cream? Where would science fiction be without the fiction? And who would want to attend The Vagina Monologues without the Monologues?

“This is an utter outrage,” roars freshman Trevor Olds. “Can peanuts be smothered all over my body? I don’t think so.” It seems that this issue is affecting students in more than just ways gastronomical, however peculiar.

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