Just when you thought Penn couldn’t get any more obnoxious, its pompous and “generous” alumni are dropping big money to “widen the gap between the cool, friendly kids of Penn and the anti-social shut-ins at other Ivies.” The Social Ivy strives to facilitate social interactions between Penn students by covering part of the cost of their social gatherings, mainly dinners during which non-alcoholic drinks are served. Upon learning of this initiative, Brown, Columbia, Cornell, Dartmouth, Harvard, Princeton, and Yale collectively projectile vomited on the city of Philadelphia in disgust. Benjamin Franklin must be turning in his grave.
To sign up for a table at a restaurant, the site must deem you “worthy”—upon picking a table, you must answer a question correctly to qualify. Why do these students need to prove that they’re worthy? According to the website’s FAQ section, “Alumni want to unite the best and only the best. The Social Ivy ensures that the students who get together to share ideas and have a good time are not only cool and interesting, but also smart and informed.” These “Very Important People” in the Penn community must have the “swagger” and the “confidence” to invite their friends to these events and network; in doing so, they “prove they’re suave” (emphasis mine… and if The Social Ivy’s creative team believes that suaveness takes human form in any of the individuals pictured above, it is seriously mistaken).
It’s bad enough to call the highly intelligent, driven, and hard-working students at the other seven Ivy League institutions anti-social hermits. But here’s the bigger problem: Continue Reading