Things you may find at Commons [Ed. Wait, is Commons a thing?!], Jo’s, or a similar late-night eating establishment at 1 a.m.: drunk people, lost umbrellas and water bottles, late-night studiers or socializers, and trash — an endless sea of garbage. Trash is oozing out of the garbage cans, accumulating on the tables, staining the carpet, the chairs, and our consciousness. There is nowhere to hide! Grab your hazmat suit and galoshes! AHH!
Okay, perhaps that is an exaggeration, but trash does seem to be a major problem here on campus. Haphazard piles of trash lay abandoned on tables along with half-finished drinks, wrappers, and used napkins. This doesn’t just happen at Commons or Jo’s late at night, trash seems to be left everywhere — cups in the hallways, chip bags in the bushes, and even an aggressively yellow condom in a dorm stairwell. (What a hiLARious prank!)
Do I have to explain to you why you should pick up after yourself? I probably shouldn’t have to, but here it goes. Let’s break this down. As you walked away from the table, you looked back at your piles of trash and thought, “That’s not my problem.” And that’s not okay.
You left an abstract masterpiece painted out of ketchup and mustard on the table and thought, “I should leave this for the world to see.” You spilled half a pizza on the floor, looked down, and thought, “Someone else will deal with it.” You suck.
“But…but,” you may be thinking, “I have an excuse!” Do tell. “The trash can was too far away, and it was already full.” Walk to another one, you rank lima bean. “But… but… it’s not my problem. We pay people to do that for me.” Well yes, lovely people from BUDS and facilities do work to keep Brown eateries hygienic and neat, but it should not have to be their job to wipe up the excess debris from your drunken or just inconsiderate escapades. “But… but… trash is gross.” So are you, you worthless grapefruit. Gross.