Class of ’15er much too cool for freshman year, becomes sophomore

Is she cool? Is she lame? We’re talking about Pepper Ann ’15, who, thanks to a rare exception recently made by the Office of the Registrar, will now be known as Pepper Ann ’14. “Pepper Ann was far too cool for a first-year,” said one registrar official familiar with the grade change case, adding, “She marches in her own parade.”

Yet though Pepper Ann is reportedly “like, one in a million,” the precocious freshman sophomore appears to be her own biggest fan; most students interviewed for this article were not familiar with her name. Only one freshman expressed vague recognition, asking, “Is that that girl from gym class?” more commonly known as BodyRox.