1. Professor’s name wasn’t first Google result.
2. 11 A.M. is too early.
3. Section actually meets.
4. Realized it was FemSex.
5. Meets three days a week.
6. Already slept with the professor.
7. There were freshmen in my FYS.
8. Not as many attractive gays as expected.
9. Conflicts with Chicken Finger Fridays.
10. iClickers.

Check out the semester’s first issue of post-, available today. Writers look into Brown and taxes, the lore of Lana del Rey, and the wonders of Baked Alaska (hint: you set it on fire). Post- is published on Thursdays inside the BDH.

Top 10 Pros and Cons of Banging the Biebs

1. He’s probably hairless.
2. It’s kind of like sleeping with your little brother.
3. He might invite Usher.
4. The best protection is prepubescence.
5. You don’t want Selena to be mad at you… Look what happened to Demi.
6. He’s totally jailbait.
7. Canada.
8. Singing lessons in the sack.
9. He never says never.
10. “Baby, baby, baby … Oh.”

Post-, the Herald’s arts and culture magazine, is published weekly on Thursdays.

Family Weekend banter, translated:

“Mm, your father and I are trying to find hotels for May … any suggestions?”
You are graduating in May! Did you forget this? We did not.

“So, have you started thinking about, you know, next year…?”
OHMYGOD. Our darling little child is graduating with zero marketable skills! What has s/he been doing all this time?

“You know, honey, I think your mother has finally gotten over the whole empty nest thing.”
Please, oh please, oh please do not move back home. We have turned your bedroom into a love nest.  [Read more →]

Yes, we know that snow art is cool.  Unfortunately, the slush that this week’s winter wonderland has turned into has become frustrating and sock-soaking.  In light of all this, our friends at Post- have compiled a list of the top ten “Things to do in Providence Slush.”

1. Hotbox an igloo on the Main Green

2. I f*cking love cocaine!

3. Throw snowballs at Olives.  Shed a tear for FishCo.

4. Build a snow slide out of a second story window.  Throw ripper.

5. Leave it to melt in between your bra and your shirt so that the boyfriend who you’re actually not into is led to believe that he makes your nipples wet.

6. Hose down Brown walkways.  Watch people fall.  Oh wait, Facilities already did that…

7. Snow Owl (Berge) Watchin’.

8. Cross-country ski to class.

9. Slush Angels.

10. Write your name in pee next to the bear statue.

In light of yesterday’s blackout, our friends at the Post- Magazine created a Top Ten list entitled, “Things to Do in a Blackout/While Blacked Out.”

Here they are:

“1. Loot the Indy

2. glow-In-The-Dark body paint

3. All those candles Reslife doesn’t know about

4. Knocking down exit signs

5. Rhythm method

6. Calling ex-girlfriends

7. Infrared Berge-watching

8. FishCo

9. ‘Who’s in my mouth’ — Marshall

10. Dirty shadow puppets.”

Love. It. But there’s still one question: what do you do if you’re blacked out during a blackout?

University Hall

Welcome to the third and final installment of our serialization of Post- Magazine‘s Brown A-Z.  In here we have some vital terms for freshmen defined such as S/NC, UCS, and most importantly sexile (sex+exile=sexile).  Once again, if anyone can think of any terms we missed, or any corrections to our list (we aren’t perfect), just post them in the comment section.  Enjoy!

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Bears can dress up too yo...

Todays installment of Brown A-Z features some more useful tidbits of information for those of amongst us who are new to the PVD.  On the food front we have The Gate (essential for Pembrookites), Jo’s (essential for Perkinites), Loui’s (essential for every person on this campus), and the super delicious Magic Bars at the Ratty.  Today’s list also features Lincoln Field, the site of the September 18th Big Boi extravaganza.  Enjoy!

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As an incoming freshman last year, I found it incredibly difficult to learn all of the names and terms used to refer to everything in Brunonia, and often found myself wondering who Dave Binder was or why naked people were handing me doughnuts.  Thankfully, our friends at Post- Magazine compiled an essential list of terms necessary for any Brown student to know to survive.  As we enter into our first weekend of the school year, we figured we would post the A-Z list in three parts, A-F today, G-O tomorrow, and P-Z on Sunday.  If any one can think of any terms we left off, please feel free to add them in the comments.  So enjoy, because this is likely the only list of terms you will be given without a subsequent test.

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1. Sign all release forms handed to you by cameramen.

2. Don’t drink and drive, smoke and fly.

3. Have sex on the beach. And maybe a cocktail.

4. Drink with your parents; realize they are racist.

5. Explain to your mom that the bulbous red mark on your neck is from paintball. With the boys. Not a hickey.

6. Berge watchin’. In Cabo. Bikini Edition.

7. Reunite with Kiwi friends. Awkwardly make excuses for why our darling editor Allison Zimmer hasn’t called back.

8. Get arrested. Make sungalsses out of lit cigarettes. “Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger.” The f*ck, Lady Gaga?

9. Beg MTV to meet you at the beach even though Spring Break is over for everyone but Brown. Have an exec tell you it sounds too douchey.

10. Say woo! whenever possible.

For more LOLZ check out today’s Post-, available anywhere fine newspapers are sold given away