Assuming you were able to snag tickets amid the free-for-all online scrum on Monday, it’s still likely that you won’t end up directly in front of center stage. If you want to high five Isaac Brock or kiss/fightWaka Flocka Flame, you’re going to have to get creative. Here are our suggestions for how to get up to the front of a Spring Weekend concert without overtly looking like an asshole:
“Uhhh… I don’t feel so good.”
Proclaim how dizzy and sick you are feeling as you move forward through the crowd. Throw in a “I think I’m gonna…” here and there. If people don’t respond, bend over and cover your mouth with your hands.
Effectiveness:✯✯✯✯✩ Getting puked on is one of many things that can immediately ruin someone’s spring weekend experience. Anyone paying attention will step aside once aware of the ticking vomit-bomb.
Yell “Fuck” while repeatedly covering and uncovering your face with your hands. Pretend that you lost your phone and/or significant other at the front of the crowd.
Effectiveness:✯✯✩✩✩ People on Spring Weekend are generally in a pretty good mood. The sight of someone distressed will conflict with built up positive energy; this might leave them annoyed for a second but they’ll be happy once you’re out of sight.
Get some friends to hoist you atop the crowd and succumb to the will of those underneath you.
Effectiveness: ✯✯✯✯✩ This strategy may not get you to the front but you can make progress if you are persistent. Crowd surfing will also leave a gap between the people behind you, which your friends can use to make their way forward.
What is there to say about Pusha T (a.k.a. “The Cocaine Cowboy,” a.k.a. “The Cocaine King,” a.k.a. “King Push.”)? If you don’t know shit about this guy but you want to sound knowledgeable come Spring Weekend, just refer to Pusha as “the guy who raps about cocaine.” That reference alone will get you pretty far.
Though everyone is most aware of his recent work with Kanye West’s G.O.O.D Music label, Pusha, born Terrence Thorton, has been making music for over two decades. Pusha started the hip-hop group Clipse with his brother Malice (now known as No Malice, but he’ll always be Malice to me) back in ’92. Hailing from Virginia Beach, Clipse got started with a deal from Elektra Records, which was secured for them by no other than Pharrell. “The Funeral,” their first single off Exclusive Audio Footage, bombed commercially, although the video and track are definitely worth peeping.
Then comes all their albums you’ve probably never heard of; if you do want to venture into some of the classic hip-hop tracks, it’s worth checking out “When The Last Time” and “Mr. Me Too,” both of which Pharrell makes awesome appearances on. But if there’s one song pre-2008 that you’ve gotta know from Pusha’s discography, it’s “What Happened to That Boy.” You’ve probably heard the clean version way back at your best friend’s bar mitzvah. This track is pretty close to a masterpiece, save for Birdman’s verse which, like any Birdman verse, is full of really dynamic raps like: “If I don’t go to jail, ni**a, birds gon’ flock / Ni**a sitting on the toilet: bitch, get off the pot!”
Hudson Mohawke is not a Lower Manhattan-based hairstyle. He doesn’t even wear a Lower Manhattan-based hairstyle. But, I mean, he constructed the beat behind Yeezy’s “Blood on the Leaves,” which is perhaps the best song on Yeezus, and that’s good enough for me.
Born Ross Birchard, Hudson Mohawke looks like a literal sixteen-year-old but is actually 29. His dad gave him his first pair of turntables when he was 11. At 15, Mohawke was the youngest-ever UK DMC finalist. Except then, he spun under the name “DJ Itchy,” which is horrible. His career took off in his native Glasgow, Scotland, by getting radio slots, performing at Glasgow University, and DJing in clubs under the name DJ Mayhem, a big step up from DJ Itchy.
Mohawke had no real recognition outside the viral boundaries of SoundCloud etcetera until 2012. His repertoire was mostly composed of underground releases and mixes circulated online, even after signing to Warp Records in 2009. His first official release, “Spotted,” was featured on the Rush Hour beat compilation Beat Dimensions Vol. 1, and his second official release, “Free Mo,” was released on the Ubiquity Records various-artists compilation Choices, Vol. 1. In 2008, his first official EP, Ooops!, was an underground hit.
Yes, the SW performers are coming here but they aren’t going here — catch my drift? A two hour performance does not make you Brown student. But this is BlogDailyHerald, and Hank is back to throw some light on deep hypothetical situations to ramble back. Let us explore what it would be like if Hudson Mohawke, Yeasayer, Pusha T, Waka Flocka, and Modest Mouse got early admissions acceptance Z-listed and were Brown Students.
Hudson, or Ross Birchard as his mom calls him, is from Scotland (which is like England’s slightly paler cousin). He is a DJ, just like me, but he doesn’t play his iPod unwelcomely at pre-games he is not actually invited to. He is also a producer (whatever that means) on Kanye West’s G.O.O.D Music label. Lastly, he is (the better) half of the DJ duo TNGHT (pronounced tonight). Ok, backstory complete, now the jokes can start!
So what would Hudson be like as a Brown student? I think you could find Hudson throwing out fire jams at Small Victories party at Colosseum, Ultra, or one of those other horrible places. Likely to be constantly mixing beats in his dorm room, Hudson would live on the Main Green and blast music 24/7 out his window. He might learn about Scottish history or maybe he would study music? Both sound like so much… fun? I reached out to Hudson Mohawke’s people to ask what his favorite food is and if he plays any sports. So far, they have not responded, which is shocking. Would he be in a fraternity? Do fraternities still exist at Brown? Insert monkey emoji here.
Despite foreboding snow piles lingering on the Green, Spring Weekend 2015 is upon us. Believe it or not, after spring break, there are actually only a few weeks until the joyous week weekend that marks the end of New England hibernation and the beginning of the greatest month (yes, it’s really only a month) at Brown: spring.
So, study up. Acquaint yourself with artists unknown to you and get pumped for those you’ve been bumping for years. Happy listening!