‘Twas the week before finals

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What makes a classic text “a classic”? In my indisputable, expert opinion it’s when a piece of writing so perfectly encapsulates a feeling that was previously thought to be indescribable. Speaking as a Jew, I can say that “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas” is a classic because it is able to instill the feeling of what it is like to be a child on Christmas Eve. Inspired by this work, I have also attempted the impossible with what will soon be declared a classic, no doubt. Behold “‘Twas the Week Before Finals.

’Twas the week before finals, and all through the school,
All the students were freezing, for the SciLi was cool;
The notes were lined up on the laptop with care,
But so was Facebook, so you know they’ll look there.

The children were nestled, all snug in their beds;
But you’re not a child, and you feel almost dead;
Health Services says eat well and sleep tight,
But an Oreo and an Aderall also feels right.

The Naked Donut Run is said and done,
So you’ve nothing to dream of till holidays come.
Your friends, they are leaving and saying goodbye;
So you study alone, and then just get high.

You should have taken that class S/NC,
Relax, you over-achiever, you’ll still get a B.
“I won’t get a job, I won’t do my best!”
Relax, you monster: It’s only a test.

Your home friends take selfies and post them online,
Stop looking and study and you’ll be just fine;
My god, get off Buzzfeed or you’re going to fail,
Stop procrastinating by checking your mail!

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Sextion: Sex (during Reading) Period

Finals Sextion

When you’re stressed out, what’s your coping mechanism? We all know that inhaling several slices of pizza can be a great temporary relief, but have you ever thought about sex as a study break option?

If you’ve spent all day hunched over a desk trying to cram as much into your brain as possible, chances are, sitting on Reddit for half an hour before crashing in bed is not going to give you the kind of release your body needs.

You need something that stretches out your muscles, gets your mind off of school, and gives you serious endorphins. You could always go to the gym, but let’s be real; none of the gyms are open when you’re done with the night’s work. Plus, nothing helps you fall asleep like a nice trip to O-Town.

In addition to the short-term gratification, sex has some serious long-term benefits for your reading period health:

For those of you non-bio concentrators, just so you know, oxytocin is an awesome hormone and has some serious credentials when it comes to reducing stress. It reduces cortisol, a hormone that is released in response to stress. If your body is not given the opportunity to decompress, that cortisol does not go away. It then continues to build up until eventually your body falls into a cycle of chronic stress.  Unlike endorphins, you aren’t going to get a shot of oxytocin from running on a treadmill because your body releases it when you experience physical contact with another person. It helps you feel more comfortable and secure and puts a serious dent in the levels of cortisol circulating in your bloodstream.

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The Age-Old Question: Rock or SciLi?

The SciLi: In all its Brutalist glory

The SciLi: In all its Brutalist glory

With finals season steadily creeping up on us—much to the chagrin of my Main Green hang-out time and Faunce Step gatherings—it is once again time to consider the age old question: Rock or SciLi? Now at this point in the year, I would truly hope that each and every Brown student knows which two buildings I speak of: the one that is sky-high and painful to the eyes, and the other, stout and equally painful to the eyes. Yes, those buildings. While each library has its traditional stereotypes, I thought it would be appropriate to update the framework and introduce a newly-minted metric for your finals period study plans.

The Rock:

With its inviting concrete floors, endless rows of stacks, well-stocked food cart and perpetually dysfunctional (albeit ergonomic!) desk chairs, the Rock is the spot for the student who enjoys a more low-key vibe, but likes to get shit work done. From the prison-cell, isolation chambers  study rooms on the Second floor to the Penthouse with its sprawling and surprisingly impressive views of the Manhattan-esque, Providence skyline (we all have the right to dream), the Rock is for the studious, the bold, the hipsters, the prepsters and is occasionally the home of a nightclub (luckily not one associated with Coliseum or Ultra). The carrels of the Rock promote focused study, but be aware of the overly-confident thesis writers who won’t think twice about stating that it is his/her spot (and obviously something about the level of stress he/she/phe is experiencing). Though you may have the occasional run-in with a grad student (yes, we have graduate students at Brown), they will consider you an inferior species and merely walk past you without acknowledgment or consideration. If likened to a group of musical artists, the Rock would be Vampire Weekend, Bon Iver and Fleetwood Mac all rolled into one: it is classic, but it does have an edge of reflection (ßBon Iver) and collegiate vitality. If likened to a former WWE fighter, it would be the Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, without a doubt (disclaimer: I have never watched a WWE fight, only the “Scorpion King.”)

 

Disclaimer: Not at Brown

Not at Brown

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Where to study at Brown according to your mood

Chronic indecisiveness affects about 99% of the Brown student population, and this is best exemplified by the ordeal that is trying to find just the right study spot to work away during griev… uh, reading period. To help make the struggle bus ride a tad less bumpy, we have created a guide to help match your current mood with the most apt study spot. Hopefully, you’ll be able to maximize your productivity, and spend one hour on Buzzfeed instead of four.


Sextion: Mixing studies with pleasure

Sextion

For many of us, reading period and finals are a stressful time of papers, exams, all-nighters, and little else. And though, as we posted about last semester, it is important to give yourself a little self care, you can’t afford to blow off steam like you may have earlier in the semester. Getting drunk and going out seems nearly impossible when you’re pulling consecutive all-nighters trying to get your shit done. You can’t afford the day-long hangover, nor can you stomach a diet of Powerade and Pepto-Bismol.

If bodily destruction isn’t in the cards right now, you need an alternative. Instead of hurting your liver, why don’t you give a gift to your body this time around? Why not do it while simultaneously enhancing your studies? We know that sexual activities have all sorts of stress reducing and health beneficial properties (that don’t include destroying any internal organs), and you can do them while still being productive.

So here are Caitlin’s ‘creative’ methods for studying and being sexy:

Strip paper: We’ve all heard of strip poker, strip monopoly, strip crazy eights (okay, maybe some of us haven’t heard of that one)—now it’s time to welcome strip paper! All you need is any form of a written assignment to work on, and the concept is simple: for every paragraph you write, you remove an article of clothing.  For all you kids out there with ten-page papers: things are about to get sexy. Continue Reading


Stay animated: 7 ways to survive reading period

readingperiodTo chill or not to chill? A reading period mantra. During times like these (with little-to-no class…or, if you’re unlucky, a lot of class), it’s easy to get distracted. Suddenly everything in New England may look super fun and enticingly adventurous—that’s totally normal. Although I won’t encourage you to drop the books and find a car and zip to the destination of your dreams….who am I kidding? That’s exactly what I’m going to do.

If you find that you’re coming to resemble the above animation, consider putting brakes on the studying and indulging in some you time. Consider doing one of the following:

1. Go to the RISD Farm in Barrington, RI (it’s actually a beach). It’s beautiful, a stone’s throw away, and it’s private! Only Brown or RISD students allowed, so bring your ID. Try biking there for a good workout. Continue Reading