Frosh-cessities: Your roommate could be worse

I know, I know. You wanted your roommate to be your best friend forever immediately upon meeting them. Disappointed? What? Those crazy high expectations weren’t met before mid-September rolled around? Tough it up. It could be worse. Your roommate could be a cult leader.

Never forget the Boy Meets World cult episode. Never.

Never forget the Boy Meets World cult episode. Ever.

Everything was going great. One week into college and things seem to be almost too perfect. Shopping period wasn’t as bad as everyone said, the lines at the Ratty have been under control, and your roommate… woah. In a word: divine. The most charismatic person you’ve ever met. Almost magnetic. I mean, never before have you seen people flock to a single personality with such fervor. It’s nuts. I guess that’s just the kind of place Brown is, you think. A place where 18-year-olds effortlessly attract the attention of scores of their peers. Did they come here with all these friends, or did they just really kill it at the ice cream social?

But, like, it’s a little weird though. Right? You have this feeling in the pit of your stomach. You message your friends from home. Nothing conspicuous, of course. Just the typical, “Yeah college is s00oooo fun. The usual stuff. Drinking, classes, nothing out of the norm. Do any of ur roommates host really large but pretty tame chanting sessions in your room? Random question, just asking, hope ur good lol.” Continue Reading


Politely telling your roommate to GTFO: The DOs and DON’Ts of Sexiling

Finals-Sextion

Living in a double has its ups and downs. The setup is ideal for the first week of freshman year when you would rather not go to the ice cream social by yourself. However, the lack of privacy can turn into a major issue later on—primarily in the being-naked-with-someone-else department.

Hook-ups come in all shapes and sizes. There are the sober post-date hookups, the afternoon-frolic-between-classes hookups, and the “Hey you’re that cute guy from my class and we’re both drunk and horny” hookups.

As a disclaimer, if you are too intoxicated to properly text your roommate to give them a heads up, you should not be hooking up in the first place. Besides, under those circumstances, there is a higher chance of encountering whisky dick, and no one wants that.

Though it may be awkward, it is important for you and your roommate lay out some preemptive ground rules. Open communication is essential in any relationship, especially if you don’t want to resent each other later on.

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The Host: ADOCH

Stephanie Meyer's "The Host"  was actually based on ADOCH.

Stephanie Meyer’s “The Host” was actually based on ADOCH.

You signed up to host ADOCH. You didn’t mean to do it, it just sort of slipped out–your friend, ex-lover, or obnoxious hallmate accosted you on the Main Green and how could you say no? We were all desperate and dazed pre-frosh once upon a time…

Flash forward a couple of weeks later and two overeager 17-year-olds are on your dormstep, sleeping bags in hand and gap-toothed, bracey smiles on their faces. (In my mind, most pre-frosh are in dire need of orthodontia.) It’s your responsibility to make sure the little parasites are clothed, sent to bed at a proper hour, and get out of ADOCH alive.

We all love our pre-frosh, and welcome them to Brown. It’s the best place to be. But it’s also a busy place to be, and some of us can’t help resenting the little freeloaders pre-frosh the morning after when we’re rushing to class and we trip over their young, virulent, sleeping bodies.

When I was a host, my roommate and I decided to have some fun with it. Here are some ill-advised wonderful suggestions to make your pre-frosh visit just a little more memorable…

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