We all know that Halloween has one soul (sole. It’s a pun. Like ghosts. Forget it.) purpose. It’s not scantily clad ladies or bags of different kinds of candy that you trade for bags of only Reese’s. It is not for worshipping Satan, the Prince of Darkness, and finally, it’s not, as this confused Google search suggests, for the Grinch (who is a distinctly Christmas character).
No, Halloween is for scaring the shit out of people, and anyone who says anything different (be they sex maniacs, candy lovers, Satanists, or Grinch fans), is kidding themselves. To that end, here are the best places on campus to jump out and say “BOO!”
1. From behind corners.
2. Bathroom stalls
Really, it’s genius. “Ladada just minding my own business. Just gonna check HuffPo while I take a quick shit and hope I don’t see someone I know. I’ll just open the door—“ BOO. Their belt is half undone, their pants fall to their ankles, and you walk away with 10 points for Gryffindor. It’s perfect. People going to the bathroom are so unsuspecting and so trusting that everyone in the bathroom is on the same page and won’t try anything tricky. But not you, you comic genius. Not you.
3. Slam yourself against a window
As demonstrated by that scene in The Dark Knight where that dead faux-Batman body slams against the mayor’s window, this is a scary move for real. Because in the fall, people are so into looking out of their windows like it’s a fun, normal, safe thing, never anticipating the danger that can emerge from the foliage. In this scenario, you are the danger. Danger is your middle name. Good windows include those weird shaped ones on the MCM building, the ones on the basement level of the Rock (THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR STUDYING DURING HALLOWEEK), and the ones on the top of Faunce (as long as no one sees you coming).