In light of the recent SWUG-craze, I’ve decided to prepare the underclassmen for another senior epidemic: senior scrambling. Most fervent in the spring time, when everyone is already wearing less clothing, the scramble does not discriminate. So what exactly is it?

Senior scramble (noun): The realization in one’s senior year that graduation is impending and you have limited time to DFMO at Whiskey, get some on the 13th floor of the SciLi/roof of the OMAC, or hookup with your classmates/teammates/TAs (Professors?). As a result, you act on your hook-up impulses. It is paired with a mentality that since you are graduating, you essentially don’t give a f&*k and will hook up aggressively with anyone and everyone you deem even remotely attractive. Usually a one-night endeavor, it does not include any sort of commitment, feelings, or attachment.

Can also be used as a verb: “I’m going to scramble so hard in Jamaica.”

Although this phenomenon occurs at every school, Brown students unanimously use and are aware of the term “senior scramble.” (Note: if you tell your friends from home that you scrambled, they’ll probably say, “You ate scrambled eggs last night? What? That’s weird drunk food.”) Scrambling goes back almost as far as the tradition of walking through the Van Wickle Gates. So how do you prepare yourself for the upcoming scrambling that will inevitably occur during Spring Week? You simply go with the flow and stop caring. [Read more →]

Our school’s social activity online becomes increasingly weird and intriguing with each new outlet. First we took the step from innocent eyeing to full-on baring. When that got out of hand, we reverted to anonymously complimenting. We got tired of that, so we moved on to criticizing and eventually admiring. Now, as a new semester brings new possibilities of online entertainment, it looks like we’re about to start…scrambling? If you haven’t already, meet Brown Scramblers, the newest entry in Brown students’ eccentric online lineup.

At this point, the whole thing is still shrouded in mystery. The title alludes to the well-documented Senior Scramble phenomenon. The profile’s 515 friends (hopefully all Brown students) are currently staying tuned for the “Big Event.” Its “About Me” and cover photo make it unclear whether it’s referring to sexual exploration or eggs. It turned 21 last week.

We’ve heard a lot of the buzz and theories about Brown Scramblers over at BlogHQ, but we’re still not sure of the profile’s purpose or what this “Big Event” during spring is. Until we figure it out, we’ll enjoy playing the odds. Here are some of our best bets on Brown Scramblers’ endgame:

An event for sexually adventurous seniors to meet each other, make eggs, and make out upside down while wearing beanies- 3:1
The most sound bet based on data gathered from the Facebook page.

A Brown speed-dating event- 7:1 [Read more →]

“There can’t be any question: Things are weird,” Keenan says, nursing a battered roach. He lets a white cloud out of his mouth.

“And you know, it’s not like things will be better next Tuesday at 3:45 a.m. Next Tuesday is the day before Wednesday, which is when I have to contribute to society, and I can’t decide that Wednesday is my day and just ditch everything, drink beer,” I say.

Keenan sort of salutes me. I open my mouth to say something else, but then greet it instead with a pathetic nibble of cancer mixed with cannabis. I cough the word Yeah and it’s all I can muster; I talk too much.

It’s been a hard night out. I and the rest of the hooligans have come back home during the Dead Zone, the time between 2 a.m. and 5 a.m. when everyone knows that he or she is fucked for slakin’ that hankerin’ for a bite.

I start cracking eggs. Keenan lets a white cloud out of his mouth; he’s rolled another one. “I don’t know, man, it doesn’t sound, you know, likely. Well, for you, anyway.”

“Fuck off.”

[Read more →]