Sextion: What we’re reading

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Hey guys!

Now, I know you have plenty of your own school-related reading to do, but take a break from it for a little and read about way more interesting things sex:

You have probably heard someone, likely a woman, described as having “no chill.” In the youth culture of America, “having chill” has become somewhat of a prerequisite in the dating scene. But does “having chill” simply mean that you don’t express your emotions? In her article “Against Chill,” Alana Massey explains the ways in which “Chill” (she capitalizes it in order to make it “a thing”) is actually “a sinister refashioning of ‘Calm down!’ from an enraging and highly gendered command into an admirable attitude.” If you only have time to read one of the articles in this post, pick this one! It made me question and reject a fairly long-held aspect of my dating persona: my “chill.”

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The face I made when Massey explained to me that expecting people to be “chill” in relationships is just another instrument of the patriarchy!!

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Sextion: Different exes you see over break

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Hi everyone!

New year, new photo! “Cool for the Semester” definitely had to go now that the semester is over and it’s cold(ish) outside.

I am so psyched to be back. Break was long. If we are going to be honest, it got really boring. And what do people do when they’re bored and single and college-aged? Hit up their exes. These run-ins can be excruciatingly uncomfortable, super fun, or even just plain forgettable. Most ex stories I’ve heard from this break fall into the following categories that I’ve recorded for your procrastinating pleasure.

The Super Nostalgic One: Often found at those not-so-fun parties back home that you feel obligated to attend so as not to seem like a Netflix-hermit, the Super Nostalgic Ex just wants to reminisce. You two haven’t hooked up since the 10th grade and haven’t spoken since the 11th, but the Super Nostalgic (and Pretty Damn Drunk) Ex is determined to tell you that “you’re the one who got away.” They insist, in fact. It’s flattering, but you’re just sitting there trying to remember if you even really “dated” this like they say you did.

foolThis is how the Super Nostalgic Ex feels the next day when they wake up, sober, and remembers what they said to you.

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Sextion: Are you going to get it this break?

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Let’s all face facts: Winter break is long. Ridiculously long. You’re going to find yourself getting very bored and probably even very horny. With all that free time, winter break is a great time to get down with that ex you still talk to, that one person in high school you always had a thing for, or someone you never noticed before but who really glo’d up since the last time you saw them.

But how likely are you to get with your back-home bae (whoever that may be) this break?

Note: One of the bloggers took this quiz, got a 100%, and has already hooked up with the guy she had in mind while taking it. Does that mean that this quiz is science? Yes.

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What do your results mean?

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Sextion: Procrastination and your sexuality

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Oh, procrastination finals season. With all of the work we have to do, we welcome and embrace any possible distraction. An article about the Champions League (lol sports) or one about the importance of stretching is suddenly the most fascinating thing in the world when you don’t want to do your work.Right freaking now seems like the optimal moment to reorganize your Spotify playlists, doesn’t it? Or in my case, now is the time to write this post and ignore my 10-page paper due on Friday. 

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But, if you’re like me and you like to pretend everything is secretly about sex, perhaps you’re wondering what your procrastination technique reveals about your sexuality. Allow me to interpret:

  • If you procrastinate by doing other, less urgent, work: You cyborg! How are you productive even while you’re procrastinating? I would be scared/too intimidated to hook up with you. You’re just so… efficient. I would recommend relaxing in all aspects of your life, from your schoolwork to what you do in the bedroom. Not everything has to be so serious!

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Sextion: When sexpectations and reality don’t match up

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After hours days weeks months a whole semester of sexual tension, you hooked up with that person you’ve been eyeing the most. You dreamed about it so often that you were sure it was going to be fantastic. But it wasn’t. What can you do now?

Disclaimer: I’m writing this post with the assumption that your bad hook-up was consensual. If it wasn’t, please contact CAPS, the WPCs, the 24/7 sexual assault response hotline at 401-863-6000, close friends, family, or any of the other resources you have in your life.

Option #1: Just don’t get with them ever again.

If it was so bad that you’re sure you don’t want to hook-up with them ever again (for whatever reason or for no articulable reason at all—you don’t have to justify your sexual decisions to anyone!), then you’re sure and I’m not going to try to convince you otherwise. You do what’s best for you, boo.

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Option #2: Consider the circumstances.

  • Did you not voice what you really want? Lots of people are too shy in the bedroom to speak their minds but honestly how good can anyone expect sex to be if their partner doesn’t know what they want or like? Spell it out! Hit them with an “Actually, my favorite position is ______” or a “Touch ____” and there is almost no conceivable way the sex between you two won’t get better.

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Sextion: Vagina crash course

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Hey y’all, it’s me, Cer Vix-a-lot. I’m taking over for Demisexual Lovato this week and I’m here to try to give y’all a crash course on female anatomy. As I’m sure a lot of you know, the sex education system in this nation is f***ed up, and a lot of people just have no idea what the hell is going on downstairs. My goal is to create a Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide to the Vagina. Let’s get started.

*Disclaimer: I’ll be throwing around words like “female” and “girl” a lot in this, but all this anatomy may not apply to transgender, intersex, or non-binary people. Remember: not all women have vaginas, and not all vaginas belong to women.*

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