Sextion: Your Guide to Booty Call Texting

Sextion

People who attended college before the advent of cell phones had it much harder, at least in the booty call department. While our parents didn’t have to worry about embarrassing photos being posted online, and gossip had to be passed on old school (i.e. via whispers, not Facebook chat), the previous generations never got to experience the emotions and regret that come from reading through your texts the morning after a night of drinking.

Before you claim that texting drunk is dangerous, a bad thing, something to get you into trouble, etc. (which obviously it can), you have to think about how beneficial it can be, most notably for its complete restructuring of the late night hookup game.

Because, let’s be real. Drunk texts are just inebriated poetry.

Once upon a time, college students had to deal with drunken romantic gestures in order to get a potential hookup’s attention. Now, your booty call is just a few clicks or swipes away.

However, because of the somewhat complex nature of drunk texting, several gray areas do exist. Telling the difference between a text that screams, “Let’s get it on” and one that says “Let’s cuddle while you wallow in the friend zone” is actually more complicated than it seems. Here are a few examples of our reads on particular situations.

“Heyy” – The double use of the “y” obviously means he or she is interested in something more than just saying “hi,” but it doesn’t mean you have the green light. If you play your cards right, you might not be spending tonight alone.

“Come over” – Translation: I want you. Now.

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Politely telling your roommate to GTFO: The DOs and DON’Ts of Sexiling

Finals-Sextion

Living in a double has its ups and downs. The setup is ideal for the first week of freshman year when you would rather not go to the ice cream social by yourself. However, the lack of privacy can turn into a major issue later on—primarily in the being-naked-with-someone-else department.

Hook-ups come in all shapes and sizes. There are the sober post-date hookups, the afternoon-frolic-between-classes hookups, and the “Hey you’re that cute guy from my class and we’re both drunk and horny” hookups.

As a disclaimer, if you are too intoxicated to properly text your roommate to give them a heads up, you should not be hooking up in the first place. Besides, under those circumstances, there is a higher chance of encountering whisky dick, and no one wants that.

Though it may be awkward, it is important for you and your roommate lay out some preemptive ground rules. Open communication is essential in any relationship, especially if you don’t want to resent each other later on.

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Sextion: Sex (during Reading) Period

Finals Sextion

When you’re stressed out, what’s your coping mechanism? We all know that inhaling several slices of pizza can be a great temporary relief, but have you ever thought about sex as a study break option?

If you’ve spent all day hunched over a desk trying to cram as much into your brain as possible, chances are, sitting on Reddit for half an hour before crashing in bed is not going to give you the kind of release your body needs.

You need something that stretches out your muscles, gets your mind off of school, and gives you serious endorphins. You could always go to the gym, but let’s be real; none of the gyms are open when you’re done with the night’s work. Plus, nothing helps you fall asleep like a nice trip to O-Town.

In addition to the short-term gratification, sex has some serious long-term benefits for your reading period health:

For those of you non-bio concentrators, just so you know, oxytocin is an awesome hormone and has some serious credentials when it comes to reducing stress. It reduces cortisol, a hormone that is released in response to stress. If your body is not given the opportunity to decompress, that cortisol does not go away. It then continues to build up until eventually your body falls into a cycle of chronic stress.  Unlike endorphins, you aren’t going to get a shot of oxytocin from running on a treadmill because your body releases it when you experience physical contact with another person. It helps you feel more comfortable and secure and puts a serious dent in the levels of cortisol circulating in your bloodstream.

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Where to hook-up… again

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Finals period has reared its ugly head, and once again, all we can think about here at BlogDH is sex. With everyone thinking about sex, what do you do when you come back to your room with your hook-up, only to find that your roommate beat you to it? Don’t despair, because as you’ve read in some of our previous posts, there are so many other places you can go to have a good time. There are those places we walk by on campus and say “damn, I would so get it on here,” and then there are the less glorious places that have a more utilitarian appeal. Here are some of our dreams and some of our realities when it comes to fun outside of your dorm:

Bamboo Garden - Sort of the inevitable outdoors hook up at Brown. You were probably just at Jo’s after some serious rounds of beer pong, and you think bamboo sticks are pretty and Zen.  Next thing you know, your feng shui is all up in a sexy somebody and the clothes are coming off.  If you don’t mind the cold, this is a very achievable option for a fun hook up.  However, beware, people have been known to piss in the stalks.

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Sextion: Beyond the Fleshlight

Sextion

You’re at a party and a girl is joking about her dildo. She seems funny and even sexually daring for bringing it up. At the same party, a guy is joking about his masturbation sleeve. He seems creepy and a little perverted. Is there a good reason why this double standard should be able to persist? I can’t see one, yet it does.

As a woman, I’m fascinated by male masturbation. I have so much fun with erections that I know I’d be delighted to have my own personal boner to play with from time to time. I also believe that men should have as much freedom to experiment with masturbation toys as women do. So, I think it’s time to highlight a few male masturbation toys that should be on every guy’s radar.

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Sextion: The spring fever hookup guide

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BlogDailyHerald is proud to introduce our newest Sextion writer, David Johnson!

The season of the Polar Vortex was all about cuddling, sipping hot cocoa, binge watching “House of Cards” with your significant other, and basically using their body heat to save on your gas bill. Now that it’s getting warmer, the birds and the bees are back, frisky squirrels are chasing each other around the Main Green, and breakups are a dime a dozen (I’m looking at you, Senior Scramblers). In the animal kingdom, we call this mating season. In college, we call it Spring Fever.

Luckily, Spring Weekend is just around the corner — the perfect opportunity for curing our Spring Fever. Now that walking to a party across campus doesn’t feel like March of the Penguins, the tanks are breaking out, and maybe even some shorts. Everyone’s attitude says sun’s-out-gun’s-out, so if you are interested in getting busy romantic, this weekend is all about letting loose and having fun. It’s a great time to break the ice with someone new — maybe even someone you’ve been secretly crushing on. When the options range from Chance to Binder to Fratty in the Ratty, how do you know where your perfect guy/girl will be raging? Use this field guide to find out.

The Hipster Heartbreaker

Found at: Chance the Rapper

The Hipster Heartbreaker is that DGAF kid that you have been crushing on forever. Probably more “Prepster” than a true RISD Hipster, you first saw them while stalking your class Facebook page the summer before arriving at Brown, and since then, they have proved to be even cooler than you imagined. The Hipster Heartbreaker is trendy and intelligent, probably concentrating in MCM or Comp Lit, and has a Georgia O’Keeffe coffee table book in the living room of their Barbour suite. Despite your better judgment, you can’t help crushing on them. They have gone through numerous partners over the years because no one can seem to keep up with them. But you’re sure that you can.

How to spot: The Hipster Heartbreaker is wearing an awesome Spring Weekend tank that you totally didn’t see when you were choosing which one to buy. They have that casually perfect “I woke up like dis” look, making you wonder, “did you wake up like that?? And why the heck can’t I?!” The Hipster Heartbreaker is either wearing a knit beanie or has hat hair (the sexy, pushed back kind) because they just took it off.

How to break the ice:

  • Stand next to them and say loudly: “I mean, my cousin went to high school with Chance the Rapper in Chicago so like… I’ve basically known about him since 2011.”

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