Sriracha is in trouble.
First, a judge ruled that Huy Fong Food’s Southern California Sriracha plant must shut down due to neighbor’s complaints that the smell caused headaches. Then, Dining Services implemented a rule barring the usage of spicy with sauces on anything but spicy withs. Say goodbye to your divine 1:30 a.m. Sriracha and fries.
But, just when we thought all was lost, in swoops Phillips Distilling Company to save the day. This
insane and delusional genius company decided enough was enough. Someone needed to combine college students’ two favorite liquids. Introducing…UV Sriracha Vodka.
The visionary director of research and development at Phillips, Jim Aune, describes the best pair since peanut and jelly as a “blend of chili peppers, garlic and vegetables.” Sounds like the perfect pre-hook up drink to me! While everyone is probably dying to drink that enticing blend straight, Aune suggests adding it to a bloody mary or any other savory drink.
Everything is moffle and nothing hurts.
Around two weeks ago, my friend and I decided to get off College Hill and explore downtown Providence. It was a night of much enlightenment. Firstly, we had agreed to never wait in line for a non-free frat party again, (since we were now sophomores and obviously of elevated comportment) and to simply try new things. Little did we know that the biggest revelation awaited us in a cutesy restaurant called Teriyaki and Korean House. And, it wasn’t even perfectly seasoned teriyaki.
Divine contrivances led us to the moffle. So a small disclaimer first—a moffle is not a fan of Steven Moffat, or some weird naughty type of kiss. It is a Belgian waffle with an exquisite mochi interior. It is both crunchy and chewy and all the right amount of sweet. My moffle came topped with a dollop of cream cheese and raspberry jam, paired with some refreshing green tea ice cream. It was out of this world. One bite of this delectable mushy waffle thing was enough to convince me that the moffle had become my new favorite dessert. I was going at it like a madman; words simply can not do justice to how incredibly yummy this treat was. In that moment, I swear I was infinite… not to mention ardently in love with what I considered my new edible boyfriend (if this is wrong I don’t want to be right). But, all relationships must come to an end so, with a heavy heart, my friend and I bid adieu to this moffle sanctuary and made our way back up the Hill. I still remember the unparalleled euphoria I felt that day, and it’s something that every Brown student should experience at least once in his/her life. However, in the words of California’s sweetheart, “I’ll be back.”
We get it, you’re anxious. The world is supposed to end today and you haven’t received any end-of-finals closure on the affairs of our dear Slasla12. Let us fill you in.
1. Slasla12 has got her swagga back. Her intelligence is ‘bright’ (after all of these finals-on-finals-on-finals, we find that hard to believe), she’s feeling good, and she’s not even that hungry! We’re not really sure what’s on her head (we guess it’s not as weird as these hats), or what the deal is with that talisman-looking-thing around her wrist, but, all in all, things seem to be going pretty well in Neopia. We also have a petpet named “Spooky.” Point of inquiry: what does one do with a pet’s pet? It almost seems like some form of Neopet inception…Neoception?
2. We learned that there are Neopian benefactors. And we thought we were finding too many ways to waste time. This is exactly as weird as it sounds: these people collect Neopoints to give them away. Philanthropy in Neopia? Seems a little off, but we’ll take it!
Now that reading period is in full swing, what better time is there to take a trip down memory lane to the good old days? Answer: there are probably a lot of better times. For some reason, we decided to create a new account to revisit the magical world that consumed (and for some of us, defined) our adolescence. Considering this Kacheek’s intelligence is currently average, we have nothing to lose! Continue Reading
If you’re anything like us, you might have started watching this season of Saturday Night Live terrified of what would become of digital shorts in Andy Samberg’s absence. Thankfully, just a couple of weeks ago the SNL cast delivered what is (very much subjectively) the funniest sketch they’ve done this year—”The Legend of Mokiki and the Sloppy Swish.”
As Kenan Thompson says, “it’s a really stupid dance created by a crazy person.” The Sloppy Swish is a weird and yet addictive dance that we may or may not have started doing at parties. But it’s doubtful the dance would be as amazingly hilarious were it not for Taran Killam— therefore, he joins the list of Shit We Love. Here are some more reasons Taran Killam is completely awesome:
Now that the jitters are starting to wane for those newly
liberated nutritionally independent folk, it’s time to enjoy the little pleasures of not being on meal plan. Fresh produce! Grocery trips! No more deciphering what the “special” is at the Ratty! It’s a simple but satisfactory lifestyle.
It can be annoying to schedule grocery trips, but sometimes it’s worth penciling them in… Especially when it’s College Night at Eastside Marketplace on Wednesday! Normally there’s a 5% discount for students at ESM on Wednesdays, but College Night is particularly special. From 6 to 8 p.m., you can wander the wondrous aisles and receive samples and coupons, just for being a fresh-faced student trying to figure out your grocery list. And the first 95 students get a swag bag!
This event combines food, free stuff, and procrastination– three of our favorite things! So clear your Google Cal and figure out how to get to Pitman Street, ’cause this is the perfect cure for your hump day blues.