Shoes of Brown may have the pristine, everyday shoe game on lock, but there’s often a new kind of shoe treading the paths of campus in the days immediately following Spring Weekend: the dirt-caked, once perfect shoes that you made the poor decision to wear to a concert at which Wacka Flocka–and all his crowd-consuming energy–was performing.
The good news? If you’re panicking about the soggy brown rags that only marginally resemble the white kicks you used to own, you’re not alone. Below is a collection of Spring Weekend damaged shoes belonging to Brown students that may never see the mud of the Main Green scrubbed fully from them:
At Brown, we do have one binary: to take one’s shoes off during class. There is no “sometimes I do,” and there is no, “well, I slide my feet out halfway.” No, no, no. Let’s not be silly. You might think that halfway insertion of foot into shoe doesn’t count because no one can see it, no one’s paying attention, and no one can tell. Well, everyone can see it, everyone is paying attention, everyone can tell, and, most importantly, everyone can smell it. You either are the person who takes his shoes off during class or you aren’t.
Brown is a safe space where students are encouraged to feel comfortable in all situations. I appreciate that, and I appreciate the fact that our 9a.m. seminar makes you feel at home. However, I still struggle to comprehend why you need to take your shoes off, and how you ever so casually do it and feel okay with it. You don’t see me taking my bra off in the middle of class because it would be more comfortable for the ensuing hour and twenty minutes of sedentary discussion about 16th century Russian political philosophy.
Is there a difference in severity between those who unleash a bare foot and those who wear socks? I’m not quite sure. Sometimes, the bare foot means the shoes smell horrific. The socks usually smell like shit by themselves. So I suppose it’s a lose-lose.
A quick question I’ve been longing to ask: If you do take your shoes off, why do you rub your feet against each other? I’ve never really had a compulsion to do that before.
While being one of the people who take off their shoes during class is a binary, the severity of each specific shoes-off situation does, actually, fall on a spectrum.
So. Many. Flyers.
The Mid-Year Activities Fair does not get a lot of publicity. It makes sense, because joining a new extra curricular second semester is usually reserved for frosh and the upperclassmen who are having existential crises because they just broke up with their old extracurriculars and want to fill the void with new ones. For me, however, any gathering of trifold posters and free pens is a perfect excuse to snag goodies. I will confess that I had no intention of picking up any new hobbies. My goal (like always) was to steal shit that was already being given away, and get my mojo back.
This year’s fair was in Alumnae Hall, which was a bit awkward, because the last time I was in there was for SPG. Even more awkward, Aerial Arts was doing a demonstration on the stage… which they also did at SPG. Did someone mistake this for Throwback Thursday? Slightly disappointed by the lack of lingerie the students around me were wearing, I took the plunge into the equally sweaty and far less sexual mob. Let’s take a look at my haul:
Tech House: With a table covered in a Settler’s of Catan board and Nintendo 64 Cartridges, tech house had a very inviting setup. They had no freebies to give me, but I settled for the implied offer that I can come by and play drunk Pokemon later this semester.
That axe is an heirloom, not even kidding.
What do untied shoes and Full House re-runs have in common? At first glance, very little. But I’m certain that I did not go a day during my adolescent life where I didn’t come into contact with one or both of these utterly annoying facts of life. College has gracefully granted me a reprieve from these day ruiners because I don’t have time to watch TV and I haven’t had to tie my shoes once thanks to my arsenal of slip-on footwear.
Now, I love a good pair of Chuck Taylors as much as the next guy, but being a man on the run, I’m looking for low maintenance and easy and slip-ons offer me the convenience I need.
There are infinitely many pairs of no-tie shoes in the world, but I’m going to take a page from our buddy Linnaeus and present a taxonomy of slip-on footwear after the jump. Continue Reading