A Single’s Guide To Valentine’s Week

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Another year, another twelve months of emotionally detached partners and terrible dates and random makeouts in public parks at 1 a.m. because your roommates won’t let you bring in strangers you met on Grindr anymore.

Now, the big 14th day of the shortest month of year is approaching, and CVS is one big clusterfuck of pink and red and bears and chocolates. I’m perfectly bitter fine with being single on Valentine’s Day! If you are, welcome to the club! If you’re in a relationship, think about whether you want to marry the person you’re with because we’re at an age where that is highly plausible (like raising kids and attending funerals with them type of commitment)!

V-Day can be pretty depressing for us single phes. Here’s a guide to avoid that this week.

Get off the grid.

I’m not talking about going to the extremes like cutting up your credit cards and moving to a rural town in Wisconsin without cellular service. Just turn off Facebook for a week so you won’t have to see posts gushing about how someone can’t believe they’ve found The One in a sea of 6,000 undergraduates! What a selection pool!

Delete Instagram. You don’t need to know that a couple has chosen to stay in and watch Netflix as their Valentine’s Day date because you’re already doing that! But, alone!

I recommend keeping Venmo to see which couples go dutch on their dates and then start a betting pool with your single friends to see how long they’ll last. Then post your winnings on Venmo.

Take a day trip on your own!

You don’t have to go to New York or Boston. It can be as simple as a walk up Hope Street!

I suggest stopping by Seven Stars Bakery and reading television writer Kristin Newman’s book “What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding.” A single thirtysomething, Newman traveled the world during TV hiatuses and hooked up with Russian bartenders and Latin priests.

Take time and explore another city–or Providence for that matter–without having to bother holding someone’s sweaty hands in this ridiculous and never ending cold weather.

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A Valentine’s Day pep talk

(BlogDH) Valentines 2

Hey, you. Yeah, you. You, sitting there reading this with tears rolling down your face as you gnaw at a giant Hershey’s Kiss your mom sent you. Okay, that’s not you – that was me, Valentine’s Day 2010. Trust me, I of all people know how much it sucks to be alone on Valentine’s Day.  I wrote a whole post about it last year, too. But here’s the first thing you can feel better about: your Valentine’s Day probably won’t be anywhere near as pathetic as mine was three years ago.

I know that it’s easy to feel like you’re the only single person on a campus full of couples, whether or not that’s actually true. Three of the seven serenades that will inevitably happen in City Politics this morning might be jokes sent between friends, but you don’t know that. On Valentine’s Day, it’s easy to put on those black heart-shaped sunglasses and see romance everywhere.

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