So you want to get on our Campus Story?

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Snapchat has been my favorite form of social media since I first downloaded it a few years ago. In a way, it is the perfect outlet for our generation. Narcissism is celebrated, and the photos are saved in Snapchat’s database disappear and can never be seen again. Granted, there are some reasons to raise eyebrows at the app (for one, there’s the whole, ‘giving kids false hope that their internet trail will never be found’ thing…). Still, it allows us to post annoying pictures without the commitment of Instagram! You can never break the ‘two posts in one day’ rule on Snapchat – the more the better. Can you scribble poorly drawn penises on your friend’s faces when they aren’t paying attention on Instagram? I didn’t think so.

Snapchat has been in the media a lot recently, especially after their public rejection of Facebook’s $3 billion dollar offer. Some call it business smarts, others called it hubris; nonetheless, it has forced them to continuously innovate new features. Thus: the geographic snap stories. This feature, my personal favorite aspect of Snapchat, allows us to get a glimpse of fun and crazy stuff happening all over the world. This is the first time ever that we can see what the celebrities, partiers, and revelers are seeing all over the world. From the very comfort of our couch, we can experience carnival in Brazil, the red carpet at the Oscars, or TGIF in Sweden.

More importantly, we can see what the heck is happening around Brown, thanks to the ‘Campus Story’ feature. If you’re like me, you’ve probably been furiously trying to post whatever you can to get on. That’s because the Brown Campus Story is run through a very strict system, and each photo/video posted must meet set guidelines. Ok, I’m just speculating here, but we’ve made a list of things that will definitely get you increase your chances of getting on the Brown SnapStory.

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Best places on campus to check yourself out

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It’s no doubt that we live in the age of the “selfie,” to linguists’ dismay, but what does this really tell us about the underlying principals of current society? Ok, we’re not about to invoke Chomsky or get too technical here. In fact, TIME Magazine put it quite simply: our generation is a bunch of narcissistic assholes. Well, you’re in luck, kiddos, because the following list of the best places to check out your appearance on campus will help you become the best version of your “assholey-millennial” self!

For the record, I am physically repulsed by the word “millennial,” and I would push instead for the label “fabuluxe trailblazers,” but whatever, TIME, you win this one.

1. BioMed building facing Brown St.

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This is the quintessential checkout spot. The extremely reflective windows seem to go on for days, and allow you to catch a glimpse of your entire body in motion, because sometimes you just need to triple check that your skirt is obeying gravity on those windy autumn days. Also, apparently there are offices behind these windows. Cool, then, this has just confirmed my worry that a bunch of strangers may have gained insider’s access to my nostrils.

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Which social media site should you drop?

It seems like there is a new social media craze every month, and with so many options, it has gotten impossible to keep up. Unless you have a team of publicists, there is no way you can maintain an active presence on all the various social media platforms and still write that daunting midterm paper. And no, linking your Instagram to your Facebook and Twitter will never be enough.

Friends, it’s time for some spring late winter cleaning. But which site isn’t right for you? The following somewhat Mean Girls-themed forecast — complete with percentages! — will help:

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Twitter: Unless you are a Real Housewife, Lady Gaga circa 2010, or 257 Thayer,  you don’t need to be on Twitter.

80% chance of dropping, 20% chance your favorite comedian just has suuuuuch clever thoughts throughout the day that you can’t bare the idea of not reading them while you’re on the toilet.

 

 

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Instagram: “I’m sorry that people are so jealous of me, but I can’t help it that I’m popular.” – Instagram

Insta may be the easiest social media app to make fun of, but it doesn’t matter. It’s fun, it’s a low time commitment, it’s colorful, and it makes you feel artistic. It’s one of the few social media outlets that allow you to express your creativity. Yes, in reality, Insta provides less in the way of art and more in the way of “someone you went to high school with is about to eat a fancy sandwich at a popular lunch spot in San Francisco.” But it’s the thought that counts, and with Facebook already on the decline, what else are you supposed to do with all your photos? Printing them out and framing them so that your memories will be preserved for years to come isn’t going to give your friends FOMO.

15% chance of dropping, 85% chance that you can’t because “think of the spring weekend pics!”

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Snapchat: This isn’t a question. Snapchat is a college essential.

100% chance of not dropping, 100% chance that if you don’t already have one you need to get one.

 

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