If the Hangover, Godfather, and Spider-Man franchises taught us anything, it was that you can never ruin something great by doing it not once, not twice, but three times. So, here is Stefon is back to give you the hottest tips on the hottest parties for what is sure to be the hottest summer ever (#globalwarming #parties).
If you don’t know who Stefon is yet, that means you have no life and don’t enjoy laughter; it also means that you don’t read my blog posts, which is hurtful, rude, and you should just leave. Stefon’s return to Blog marks the end of the year, and the beginning of summer. I (Hank as Stefon) could not be more excited for summer, so without further ado, here is a list of hot parties (pun very much intended) to look out for this summer.
The hottest party this summer is… pool party. Everyone has that one friend they pretend to be friends with because they have a pool. So make sure to text that loser and act like you are interested in how their year was and secure yourself an invite to their above ground pool now. Cool off poolside, with some skunked beers from the trunk of your friend’s dad’s car, your swim shirt (not because you aren’t comfortable with your body, but because surfers wear them, and surfers are cool, just like you), and deflated floaties. Pools are dope, and so are you, so why would’t you kick it poolside? Nothing is more fun then swimming through all the dead leaves and bugs floating on the top of the water! Fun pool games include trying to hold your breath underwater for five minutes, belly flop contests, and swimming the butterfly.
SNL has its 40th Anniversary Special coming up this Sunday at 8 p.m., and holy shit everyone is going to be there. Knowing that it was coming up, Brown gave us Monday and Tuesday off in order to let us imbibe guilt-free while we watch. Here’s a BlogDrinkingGame that you and your pals can play on Sunday!
Take one sip if…
- You laugh. Two sips if your “cool” friend doesn’t laugh with you at an objectively funny joke.
- There is an SNL Digital short.
- There is a “Celebrity Jeopardy” skit.
- Stefon pops up on Weekend Update, reuniting with Seth.
- You hear the word “Shwing!”
- Jimmy Fallon breaks character.
- A skit has a Kenan reaction shot.
Take two sips if…
- Lorne appears.
- Will Ferrell’s “More Cowbell” character jams out during a musical performance.
- Taylor Swift tries to make the night about her.
- There is a POTUS hangout skit.
- Bonus sips if Chevy Chase = Gerald Ford, Darrell Hammond = Clinton, Jay Pharaoh = Obama, Will Ferrell = Bush, Dana Carvey = George H.W. Bush.
- Weekend Update does a giant “Point/Counterpoint” or “Really???” with all the returning hosts.
- Coneheads/Wild n’ Crazy Guys/Mr. Robinson sketches happen in the first hour of the broadcast.
- Peyton Manning and Derek Jeter are in the same skit.
One of the most hard-hitting questions of our time has now been answered: “Why Is The Dollar Sign A Letter S?”
The New Republic’s “Labor Pains” discusses the disproportionately negative effect outdated maternity leave policies have on women in the job market. Most shocking is a chart outlining the amount of time guaranteed for maternity leave and the percentage of salary compensation during maternity leave by country. The U.S. doesn’t fare too well…
President Obama sparked debate with his comments at the National Prayer Breakfast on the historical role of religion in justifying conflict. Ralph Peters wrote “Jihadis 14, Crusaders 2” for the National Review Online criticizing Obama for his comments and suggesting that everybody “try reading a book or two on the subject.” The Atlantic published “The Foolish, Historically Illiterate, Incredible Response to Obama’s Prayer Breakfast Speech,” a response to Peters which hits close to home on the topic.
Looking to get your SNL fix? Check out Gotham‘s interviews with the current cast of the 40th season of the show.
And if you think same-sex marriage is only the beginning of the gay rights movement, you’re definitely in agreement with Frank Bruni, the Times columnist responsible for “Do Gays Unsettle You?” The article is a look at whether or not cultural mores are keeping up with the rapid pace of same-sex marriage legalization.
Finally, if your summer job search isn’t going so hot, consider going into sports betting–it seems to be working out pretty well for Billy Walters. “A Life On The Line” goes in-depth into the life of perhaps one of the most famous and controversial sports bettors to ever live.
Who is Stefon?
Stefon, played by Bill Hader, is a reoccurring guest from the Weekend Update portion of SNL He is a sharp diva, with a dark edge, and hilariously quirky side. He is plugged into (what he thinks are) the best parties in NYC. His plans are odd, unique and always out there. If you do not know him already, watch the video below to get a glimpse of the genius of Stefon, or watch the video below because you love him already. Why aren’t you watching this already? If Stefon were to describe the freshmen party scene at Brown, this is what we think he’d say:
Brown’s hottest party is…Metcalf 2nd floor lounge. If you and your friends are looking for an unsanctioned, rowdy time, hit up the lounge. To get in just say the password: your SAT score. The party starts at 8:45 and gets shut down at 9:15 by DPS. Don’t worry, just get there early. There is watered down Vodka, beers someone stole from their dad, and some oregano that someone is pretending is weed. Show up fashionably early, and leave fashionably…early?
As the celebration of Hanukkah came to a close last night, Jacob, Seth Meyers’ podiatrist’s son and a recent Bar Mitzvah, came on Weekend Update to share the story of Hanukkah with SNL viewers. His telling of the bravery of the Maccabees and the evil King Antiochus is done in the way any 13-year-old Jewish boy communicates with a large audience when in the spotlight: he reads so slowly that it hurts and clearly annunciates, thanks the individuals involved in helping him reach this pivotal stage in his life, tells his brother that he still loves him (even though they fight), and makes awkward jokes about his parents. Oh, and like every 13-year-old boy in New York, he likes the Yankees (Ed.- I was a Mets fan).
If you’ve ever been to a Bar Mitzvah before, you’ll know that Vanessa Bayer is so spot-on that it literally hurts. If you haven’t, you’ll realize that you really haven’t missed anything by not having attended one. Mazel Tov!
If you’re anything like us, you might have started watching this season of Saturday Night Live terrified of what would become of digital shorts in Andy Samberg’s absence. Thankfully, just a couple of weeks ago the SNL cast delivered what is (very much subjectively) the funniest sketch they’ve done this year—”The Legend of Mokiki and the Sloppy Swish.”
As Kenan Thompson says, “it’s a really stupid dance created by a crazy person.” The Sloppy Swish is a weird and yet addictive dance that we may or may not have started doing at parties. But it’s doubtful the dance would be as amazingly hilarious were it not for Taran Killam— therefore, he joins the list of Shit We Love. Here are some more reasons Taran Killam is completely awesome: