A scaredy cat’s guide to Halloween

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Halloween is one of the few times of year that it’s socially acceptable to do whatever you can to scare the crap out of people. Whether it’s a simple sneak-up from behind or an elaborately planned prank, it’s prime time for spooking. For the same reason people voluntarily put their bodies on metal scaffolding hundreds of feet in the air and ride around for the “thrill,” some love the rush of adrenaline that can only come when scared out of their minds. But some rational-thinkers, myself included, prefer to live our lives calmly and without weird masks popping out at us and eerie sounds emanating from unknown locations. If you find yourself in this category, rest assured, it doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy this Hallow’s Eve!

First of all, there are plenty of people out there who are in the same boat as you, so, if you can, try to find a group that won’t be actively seeking out scary stuff and stick with them. This will allow you to relax and have fun, while avoiding those awkward conversations about how you’d rather cut off your left leg than enter a haunted house. Even within a larger group, finding just one fear-phobic person to hang back with will make you feel infinitely better.

Don’t let the FOMO get to you, though. Forcing yourself to go somewhere where you know you’ll be miserable just so you can show up in Facebook photos is probably a bad idea. Plus, you’ll likely end up looking pale and terrified in all those pictures, anyway. Staying in is well worth safeguarding your mental stability.

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Spooky Halloween Spirits

My favorite part about ‘words’ is that they can have multiple definitions. Case in point, the word ‘spirit.’ On Dictionary.com, there are 31 definitions of the word spirit. But for the real definitions, I went to old faithful: Urban Dictionary.

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“Some thing”

Point is, I like Halloween, I like drinking, and I really like doing the two together. Get ready for a list of truly terrifying drinks, ’cause nothing goes together better like spirits and spirits.

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Piña Ghoul-ada

Combine equal amounts coconut cream, pineapple juice, and ice in a blender. Add rum – maybe some Mali-boo rum! Garnish with a devilishly red Maraschino cherry.

Morgue-a-rita

Buy margarita mix and combine with tequila and ice. Drink in a cold, dank place.

Mint Boo-lip

Perhaps invented by the ghost of a wealthy patron watching his ghost horses race at Churchill Downs, this mint boo-lip is certain to have you cheering for the ghost horse. Mint, bourbon, ice, seltzer. Go Seabiscuit!

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A Last-Minute Guide to Costumes: Brown Edition

You need a costume that’s low-budget. You need a costume that’s last-minute. And you need a costume that’s Brown-specific. Fear not: you can have your cake candy and eat it too. When it’s an hour before Monster Ball/RISD Ball/that MoChamp pregame and there’s nothing in sight but your half-finished lab report and that sky photo t-shirt, BlogDH has got you covered.

The Main Green

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You will need:

  • Green clothes
  • A frisbee
  • A picnic basket/tapestry/MacBook Air

Dress up in green clothes, stick a frisbee on your head, and carry something Main Green-related around for the night. Note: the Frisbee is essential. Otherwise you may be mistaken for Wriston/Simmons/Pembroke Green, which is not what you’re going for here.

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Blogify: Trick or treat and chill?

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Excited for Halloween? So are we. Of course, the only thing scarier than a CS course is being left without a killer playlist for the big day. Whether you’re ready to put on your sexiest Donald Trump costume and crash every ball on RISD’s campus, or curl up with an armful of Reese’s and watch reruns of American Horror Story: Asylum, BlogDH has you covered with the Halloween musical essentials. Candy not included.

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Fall@Brown: Haunted House Lineup

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Growing up in the Philadelphia suburbs, I pride myself on having averaged a good six to eight haunted house visits each Halloween season. Whether it was clowns, skeletons, or the ridiculous cost of admission, I traveled to abandoned asylums, run-down prisons, and revamped cornfields all with the intention of crying like a baby being terrified. Well, October is here, and if you’ve got the haunted house bug, here’s the lineup of Rhode Island haunted houses to remind that there are things scarier than CS:

Fear Town

Seekonk Speedway 1710 Fall River Ave., Seekonk, MA 02771

  • The Gist: Fear Town is an outdoor haunted path located in the woods by Seekonk Speedway that takes you through abandoned buildings and across uneven forest terrain.
  • Distance from Campus: 7.3 miles
  • Cost: $16
  • Estimated Uber Fare: $9-12
  • Horror Tropes Used: The woods, abandoned buildings.
  • Bonus: Fear Town boasts the highest Yelp rating (4.8 stars) in RI and the lowest cost/Uber fare, meaning this one is mostly likely to be your budget’s favorite attraction.

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5 scary things to think about this Halloween

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Halloween is rapidly approaching, which means the season of scary has arrived. The holiday features frights such as ghouls, clowns, bats, feeding copious amounts of candy to pre-diabetic children, and the fact that sexy Olaf costumes are a thing. To add to that list of horrors, try thinking about these 5 alternative scary things this Halloween:

1. The national debt

The national deficit is the money the government takes in minus the money the government spends, and the national debt is the total amount borrowed to fund that deficit. The current national debt totals in around $17,904,969,580,881.62. That’s more than $17 trillion, folks, increasing by $75 million every hour. Bored in class? Watch the debt go up in real time here. Fun! Eerie!

2. The capriciousness of life

Everything that happens in life is random. There are no constants. Despite any attempt to find patterns or systems of causation, there is no way to predict or explain why things happen to us. Nothing happens for a reason. Success is not guaranteed, and every step forward is just the result of a lucky draw from a rigged lottery. Consider how everything you do doesn’t really matter as you wait in line for for the Midnight Organ Concert. Hair-raising!

3. Your own insignificance

You are very insignificant, in the big scheme of things. You are just one of over 7 billion people in the world, part of a single iteration of the human population. It has been only 200,000 years since anatomically modern humans first appeared. The first life forms appeared on earth between 3.8 and 3.5 billion years ago. The earth itself was formed around 4.54 billion years ago. The span of modern civilization is a millisecond in comparison to the history of this planet. You take up a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of that millisecond. You are an indiscernible smudge on the surface of our planet, just a minuscule sphere composed of crust and mantle, in our solar system, in a galaxy, in the ever-expanding, timeless vastness of the universe… Think about that as you wolf down excessive amounts of candy this Halloween. Creepy!

4. Your own mortality

This Halloween, try to get a grasp on your own mortality. You may think you are young and invincible, but every day is just one step on the slow march toward death. Death is life’s principle constant. Just as everybody poops, everybody dies, though death cannot be better regulated with Activia or a high-fiber diet. Death is everywhere. As you go out next weekend, take a look at all the things dying around you — leaves, insects, and also, yourself. Chilling!

5. Blue Room muffins are 400 to 600 calories each.

I know. *cries* Spooky!

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