PawSox to become the… ProSox?

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In a surprise move reported today in The Boston Globe, the Pawtucket Red Sox, the Boston Red Sox’s AAA minor league affiliate, has been sold and will be moving to Providence.

The team’s new owners, which include Red Sox President Larry Lucchino, bought the team for $20 million. The mayor of Pawtucket, Donald Grebien, essentially confirmed the move in an interview in which he said he “was presented with a plan that doesn’t include” his city in the PawSox’s future. The team has played in Pawtucket for 42 years.

Not only do the Providence Bruins now have a rival for most beloved minor league affiliate of a professional sports team in Providence, but Brown students also have even easier access to what is certainly one of the most underrated spring activities out there: watching fairly good major league baseball players as they rehab their way back to The Show.

Though there’s no word yet on where exactly the ProSox (?) would play, their arrival in the city is an exciting prospect for local baseball fans.

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Wubappella takes the Dunkin’ Donuts Center by storm

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Due to some technological hiccups, this camera phone photo is the best we could do for a graphic. We will post a professionally shot video of the performance when it becomes available next week. 

Last Friday, the Providence Bruins–the minor-league affiliate of New England’s beloved Boston Bruins–took on the New York Islanders’ minor-league team, the Bridgeport Sound Tigers. But that wasn’t all. Much more importantly, Brown University’s one and only unofficial official unofficial dubstep a cappella group, Wubappella, performed at some point between the first and second periods. That’s right, right up there on the big screen, was a group of dubstep-singing Brown students performing a remix of Katy Perry’s “Dark Horse.” And it’s a good thing they were up there on the big screen, because their perch in section 236 didn’t exactly make for the most ideal viewing angles for many of us. Fortunately, the sounds of Wubappella still boomed through the Dunkin’ Donuts Center loud and proud.

How’d the crowd take it? Well… the opinion of the room seemed to land somewhere between bemused and amused (and, certainly, entertained). Tom, a nearby Boston Bruins fan wearing a Tim Thomas jersey, said of the performance, “Not bad,” which is, of course, faint praise given the spectacle of his very first dubstep a cappella viewership experience. “I couldn’t really hear them that well,” Tom conceded. Shame, shame: this was a common theme. Julie, a middle-aged Rhode Island nurse, said the performance was difficult to hear and suggested: “Maybe they need to adjust the microphone height.” She did add, “I thought they were very enthusiastic.”

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Masshole* Super Bowl Reaction

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

*You are a Masshole when: you are from Massachusetts, you would name your first born Tom no matter the gender, your favorite movies are The Departed and The Departed (pronounced Dehpahted), you refer to NYC as that place with giant rats and tight jeans, you have a Bruins logo tattooed on one ass cheek and Celtics logo tattooed on the other, and Matt Damon is your God.

I said it. I believed it. I called it. The Pats were going to win the Super Bowl. I predicted the Pats to win 100-0, which was obviously ridiculous, but us Massholes have no shame and no humility, so you really can’t blame me for such an outlandish claim. In actuality, I’m not surprised it was such a close game. The Seahawks are a fantastic team, with a scary defense and a powerhouse running game. They dominated the Super Bowl stage last year and emasculated Peyton Manning and his lack of chin (I hate you Peyton, I hate you so much you thumb-looking chump). Yet, no matter how good the Seahawks were, the Patriots bundled them in front of a billion people. Before I finish bragging, there are a lot of questions and distractions leading up to the Super Bowl that I want to quickly address.

Q: Did they deflate the balls?

A: No, what a stupid rumor. Anyone who believes this is an egg head. EGG HEAD! I have never believed in anything more than the proper firmness of Brady’s balls (footballs, jeez–get your head out of the gutter).

Q: Why doesn’t Marshawn Lynch talk to the media?

A: Who cares!!!!! He is the best running back in football. When you can run through a wall ten times a game then you can not talk to the media. Until then, SHUT UP!

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Brown Men’s Basketball knocks off PC…again

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Alright, so this season admittedly hadn’t gotten off to a roaring start for men’s basketball. Especially questionable results included a 21-point loss to a school called Austin Peay (to be fair, they have made March Madness at some point during my lifetime) and a 17-point loss to American (who did make March Madness last year, but as a really shitty 15-seed).

None of that matters, though, because there’s only one non-conference game you should care about: the annual intra-city game against PC, which occurred last night. In this biggest of spots, against a higher-pedigree program steeped in history, Bruno–as you may have guessed from the fact that we’re running a post on the game–delivered, with a 77-67 win.

That’s right, for the second time in three years, we can say that we have the best basketball team in Providence, and no one can stop us. Hey, everyone, we have the best basketball team in Providence! Yeah, see? No one stopped me.

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Sixth Man: Women’s Hockey

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There are certain things you have to be willing to give up in you’re going to enjoy a women’s hockey game: namely, the hitting that really serves to make men’s games entertaining. No one gets crushed against the boards in a women’s hockey game–or if they do, the referees are sure to take it pretty seriously. Instead, it’s an arguably more fluid game, with the puck constantly in motion and far less likely to get stuck in a corner, buried in a scrum of swarming bodies. But still: no hitting.

Despite this crucial difference, there is a lot that is the same about the Brown men’s hockey and Brown women’s hockey experience. Most excitingly, Hermano!!!!! For those of you who missed my multiple men’s hockey posts way back in 2012–I’m sure that’s hardly any of you–I’ll give a brief description of Hermano(!!!!!). Hermano(!!!!!) is the nice Brown Athletics employee who drives the zamboni, the machine used to smooth the ice between periods. I don’t know if this is typical of other hockey teams, because I’m not a huge hockey fan, but Brown hockey treats Hermano(!!!!!) like a superstar. He gets an announcement befitting peak-era Michael Jordan from the PA guy, and then the scoreboard does a little graphic with flames around the word “Hermano!!!!!” He also gets to drive a flame-bedazzled zamboni. And, to be clear, Hermano(!!!!!) is a superstar.

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This Week in Sports: November begins with a bang

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Too busy watching the sweet new Into the Woods trailer on a loop to watch the new NBA season?

Too occupied with shutting down Silk Road 2.0 to check out the excellent NFL action?

Simply don’t care about sports?

Here’s what you’ve been missing.

This Week in Sports

Winter Sports

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This curling shot. I’m no religious curling fanatic, but I had to reevaluate my existence on this earth when I was presented with the beauty of that shot.

NBA Action

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LeBron and the Cleveland Cavaliers have started the season 1-3, including a loss to the lowly Utah Jazz and a crushing 19-point defeat by the Portland Trail Blazers, after being projected by me to be “Good. Very good.” Is it too early to start worrying about the team? Probably. Does that stop me from doing it? No. I want this team to be fun to watch, and so far, the superstar trio of Kyrie Irving, Kevin Love, and LeBron are being outscored by an average of 7 points when they are all playing together. That’s not very fun.

Also on the subject of the Cavs, LeBron-lover Brian Windhorst wrote a story for ESPN detailing how LeBron is playing poorly on purpose in order to teach his teammates a lesson. What this lesson entails is still unclear…

Back to the NBA, where the Dallas Mavericks have been off to a pretty solid start, picking up wins over New Orleans and Boston. But even more solid is the rap that Dirk Nowitzki, Monta Ellis, and Chandler Parsons wrote and performed this week:

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