Brouhaha: Spring Weekend Packing List

SW

Crampons definitely a must.

Brouhaha is an all-new, entirely satirical column. It’s (my) views, jokes, and opinions are by no means endorsed by Blog. My editors made me say that so that I wouldn’t besmirch Blog Daily Herald’s sterling journalistic accolades with my bullshit. Enjoy.

Spring Weekend is starting very soon. While most folks are getting pretty stoked about the performances, it’s important to remember to thoroughly prepare yourself for the festivities. Please consult the packing list below to ensure that you are ready to enjoy Spring Weekend in a safe, responsible, and fun way.

Boxing gloves are essential items at any concert. They will protect your fingernails, while also allowing you to more easily maneuver to the front of the crowd by punching anyone who stands in your way. You should be fine with a basic model such as the Everlast Pro Style Training Gloves, but if you’re looking to really get ahead of the crowd, I’d recommend the Venum Challenger 2.0.

Once you’ve fought your way to within spitting zone of the stage, a good a pair crampons will help you keep your ground. You really don’t want to skimp on the crampons, because with a lower-quality pair you’ll be swept away in no time (remember, most people will be wearing boxing gloves). My personal recommendation is the Black Diamond Sabretooth Pro Step-In with ABS Plates. Trust me, those puppies are so strong they could keep you rooted to the ceiling.

Crampons

Just look at those ABS plates…Wow.

 

Once you’ve fought your way to the front of the crowd, and rooted yourself to the ground, you’ll want to stay for a while. To reduce muscular fatigue in your legs and feet, a good pair of Moon Boots is a must. Moon Boots are comfy and fun, and the various color options are a great way to express your unique Spring Weekend style. Jump into some Moon Boots, snap on your Black Diamond Sabretooths, and you’ll be wylin’ and stylin’ until the morning comes, at which point you’ll need a bulldozer to tear you and your crampons out of the lawn.

Concerts can get a little rowdy sometimes, and you can’t always be prepared to defend yourself with your boxing gloves. For this reason, added chest protection will ensure that you have a safe and fun Spring Weekend. A good old medieval breast plate should do the trick. And while you’re at it, you may as well get a Benzara Metal Crusader Helmet, to protect you from localized head injuries and rogue beer throwers.

Crusader helmet

On second thought, maybe you should just stay home.

Image via, via, and via


Tips to get up front at Spring Weekend

Assuming you were able to snag tickets amid the free-for-all online scrum on Monday, it’s still likely that you won’t end up directly in front of center stage. If you want to high five Isaac Brock or kiss/fight Waka Flocka Flame, you’re going to have to get creative. Here are our suggestions for how to get up to the front of a Spring Weekend concert without overtly looking like an asshole:

“Uhhh… I don’t feel so good.”

Proclaim how dizzy and sick you are feeling as you move forward through the crowd. Throw in a “I think I’m gonna…” here and there. If people don’t respond, bend over and cover your mouth with your hands.

Effectiveness:✯✯✯✯ Getting puked on is one of many things that can immediately ruin someone’s spring weekend experience. Anyone paying attention will step aside once aware of the ticking vomit-bomb.

Act distressed.

giphy-1

Yell “Fuck” while repeatedly covering and uncovering your face with your hands. Pretend that you lost your phone and/or significant other at the front of the crowd.

Effectiveness:✯✯ People on Spring Weekend are generally in a pretty good mood. The sight of someone distressed will conflict with built up positive energy; this might leave them annoyed for a second but they’ll be happy once you’re out of sight.

Crowd surf.

crowdsurfingfail-400

Get some friends to hoist you atop the crowd and succumb to the will of those underneath you.

Effectiveness: ✯✯✯✯✩ This strategy may not get you to the front but you can make progress if you are persistent. Crowd surfing will also leave a gap between the people behind you, which your friends can use to make their way forward.

Continue Reading


12 Days of Spring Weekend: #EEEEEATS Lineup

Screen Shot 2015-04-15 at 11.57.45 AM

With #FLOCKAGATE behind us, and the thrill of the official artist announcement long over, BlogDH is excited to present an equally as important lineup: Main Green #EEEEATS. This year BCA #blessed us with seven local vendors to satisfy our cravings during Friday’s and Saturday’s concerts.  Check out the rookies and old-timers below–nourish, HYDRATE and have fun!

1. Mexico – If you’re feeling spicy?

2. Taste of India – Just the thought of Indian food on a hot and sunny day makes me a bit nauseous, but to each his/her own.

3. Ben and Jerry’sfree cones!

4. Frenchy’s – Popcorn and such.

5. New England Lemonade – H2O is probably a better source of hydration, but a cup of sugary lemonade doesn’t sound horrible.

6. Duck and Bunny – Cupcakes. Beware of long lines…

7. Pizza Gourmet – I guess BCA was feeling fancy this year and opted out of Domino’s. I welcome this switch, but my stance against Domino’s is highly controversial.

Images via, via, via and via.

 


12 days of Spring Weekend: What Cheer? Brigade

brightnights11

The 19 piece brass band, What Cheer? Brigade, has been a staple for the Spring Weekend line up since 2012. They aren’t a big name, and some might think, due to their early slot, skipping their show isn’t a big deal. WRONG. What Cheer? is not optional! They are the bees’ knees, the ducks’ intestines, and we are excited as hell for them to come play. If you want to read more about their sound, check out last year’s hype post for the returning champs (and dead chimps). For 2015, we’re going to skip all of the pleasantries. Instead of trying to put a typical performance into words, here is a collection of photos from the 2014 “Find Your Friends” album. We’d like to show you just how good a time we had below the jump.  Continue Reading


Pros & Cons of indoor Spring Weekend concerts

rain

Mother Nature is sending us good vibes so far as Spring Week begins: the chance of rain on Friday and Saturday has dropped to 20%. Can you say #blessed? Let’s continue to pray to the skies until the BCA makes the rain call to release another 2,300 tickets to students on Wednesday, April 15. Until then, here are the pros and cons of the Spring Weekend concerts being held indoors in the Pizzitola Gymnasium.

PROS

  • You’re dry (obvi).
  • You won’t lose your sunglasses.
  • You can reminisce about middle school dances in the gym.
  • Bathrooms. Real bathrooms.

Continue Reading


FALL2015: Course Superlatives

Course superlatives

The time of year has come again to ignore your current classes and focus on future endeavors, like Spring Weekend next semester’s classes. While we can’t guarantee the enjoyability, ease, or practicality of these following courses, their titles have a lot to say. Presenting, the 2015 fall semester course superlatives:

Most…

  • …Alliterative HIST0522 Reason, Revolution and Reaction in Europe
  • …Pessimistic AMST1250 Gravestones and Burying Grounds
  • …Optimistic LATN1110 Comedy
  • …Realistic PLCY1700 Crisis Management
  • …Ambitious PHIL0450 The Meaning of Life
  • …Meta COLT2650 What is Critique?
  • …Likely to Czech Your Privilege CZCH0410 Czech View of Self and Others
  • …Likely to Induce Paranoia PHP0100 Statistics is Everywhere
  • …Likely to Induce a God Complex ENGN1520 Cardiovascular Engineering
  • …Likely to Be Nominated at the 2015 Academy Awards ENGL1050 True Stories
  • …Anachronistic ENGL0310 Shakespeare: The Screenplays
  • …Specific HIST0658 Walden + Woodstock: The American Lives of Ralph Waldo Emerson and Bob Dylan
  • …Comfortable ENGN2912 Soft Matter
  • …Confusing Description of “Event-Appropriate Attire” CHIN0920 Business Chinese
  • …Risky Topic for a Lecture Course COLT1812 On Being Bored
  • …Risky Topic for a Seminar GNSS2010 Pembroke Research Seminar in Feminist Theory: Fatigue
  • …Self-Aware Meninist HIST1965 “Furies from Hell” to “Femi-Nazis”: A History of Modern Anti-Feminism
  • …Artistic STEM Course MATH1530 Abstract Algebra
  • …SO Last Week POLS1120 Campaigns and Elections
  • …Likely to Find Love at Whole Foods CHEM0360 Organic Chemistry
  • …Blunt ETHN1890 Johnny, Are You Queer: Narratives of Race and Sexuality

Continue Reading