What Your Hell-Week Says About Which Starbucks Drink You Should Get

FlogDailyHerald: Cup news

starbucks cups

For those of you who don’t know, there is a major controversy right now among the coffee-drinking community over Starbucks’ iconic red holiday cups, which, for those of you following along at home, are the objects which contain the coffee. Cups. Nothing could matter less. And yet Starbucks is in the midst of a publicity shit-show because some of the more hyper-religious of its customers are disappointed by the lack of religious iconography on its holiday cups. Unfortunately, parties on all sides are missing the point.

The point is that the holidays are a month and a half away. It’s not even December. We can’t jump on the Christmas/Hanukah/Kwanza/New Years/Winter Solstice bandwagon until we celebrate Thanksgiving. Why is Christmas music playing in the mall at all? Why have we had like a gazillion presidential debates for an election that’s a year away? What the fuck is going on? 

Au Bon Pain is doing it right. Their “holiday” cups are gray and have little stars on them. Look outside. That’s the spirit of the present moment. The weather sucks and is only going to get worse. Ho, ho, ho. Halloween just ended.

Recently trending on Facebook was the release of Dunkin’ Donuts new holiday cups, “amid the cup controversy.” Truly, no dumber words have ever been typed in the history of seasonal accouterments. And it’s not as if things are just slow for news outlets. In fact, the amount of vital stories happening right now — with extremely important AND tangible implications across the nation — is almost impossible to digest. News is what should be happening right now. Not people’s response to cups which fail to recognize events almost two months away.

I honestly don’t know what the fuck is going on anymore. I need a coffee. I guess I’ll just make it myself and put it in a bowl. Not trying to throw my hat in the ring like this guy.

Happy fall, everyone. Enjoy it while it lasts. 

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Nostaglia Trip: Approval Matrix

I love Avatar. No, not blue Dance with Wolves. I mean the one with the little bald kid and the magic martial arts and the all-around baddassery. Fine, yes, the kids show. But you know what? I’m okay with that. While my friends are discussing the finer points of Breaking Bad or Game of Thrones, I will unabashedly fanboy all over the finer points of Zuko’s story line and debate you about the superior bending forms.

But I’m not alone. Nostalgia is the Millenial battle-cry. Comic books are made cool by the big screen, I have literally spent nights playing Pokemon with my suitmates, and I can walk into any frat and throwdown for Super Smash Brothers (Zero-Suit Samus, whaddup?).

So to help you navigate the various ways to release your inner child, we at BlogDH have scientifically measured and analyzed the various forms of nostalgia.

(BlogDH) Nostalgia Matrix

It’s still fall, Starbucks

Just one day after Halloween, Starbucks traded in its push on pumpkin-flavored everything for an aggressive campaign chock-full of Christmas cheer. The Thayer Street Starbucks unveiled its red Christmas cups on November 1 and began to feature its winter-inspired beverages, such as the Eggnog Latte, the Peppermint Mocha, and the Gingerbread Latte on its chalkboard behind the bar.

The move by the coffee giant has elicited mixed reactions among Brown students. We went out into the field (read: did our homework at the long, communal table probably inspired by those at Le Pain Quotidien) and observed students as they reacted to the snowflake-slathered cups. Some were elated, exclaiming, “OMG, Christmas!” and even “Ugh, I’ve missed these,” while others were very confused. We understand the excitement surrounding this “push on Christmas,” as one of the baristas explained it, but last time we checked, it’s still fall.

Let’s give Starbucks some credit: last year it aggressively brought the red cups back on October 25, a little less than a week before Halloween. The colored leaves were still on the trees, and the apocalyptic, poorly-timed snowstorm had yet to blanket PVD. ‘Bucks gets points for holding off until after Halloween this year, but November 1 is still too soon—Thanksgiving is still weeks away! We’ve complained about this before—as we do about a lot of things—but our complaints are well-founded: it seems as if fall has been written off completely (we’re mostly upset because some of us haven’t even gone apple picking yet). In the meantime, if you’re in winter denial and think this move is ho-ho-horrible, you probably should just to stick to getting an iced coffee.

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It’s the Great Pumpkin (Shortage), Charlie Brown

Okay, okay, we get it. You’re thrilled that it’s finally fall. The leaves on the trees are changing colors, the air is getting colder, and your favorite treats are returning to all retail locations. Whether you’re craving candy corn or turkey and stuffing, we know that what really excites you: pumpkin-flavored EVERYTHING.

One of the most popular of pumpkin treats is, without a doubt, the Pumpkin Spice Latte at Starbucks. Sure, everyone is crazy about these things, but I didn’t know that people are actually insane when it comes to getting their hands on one of these “sweet, spicy, pumpkiny” treats.

This weekend, the Wall Street Journal published an article about the widespread uproar among patrons who were unable to purchase a Pumpkin Spice Latte, as stores had run out of the pumpkin-flavored syrup. A “pumpkin emergency” was declared in Starbucks stores across the United States, and indeed, by the way these customers have reacted to this shortage, one would think that this “emergency” was on par with a global disaster: One customer tweeted that his “world almost ended this morning when the local Starbucks told me they were out of Pumpkin Spice Latte,” and another claimed that he “just left, depressed.” These fanatics described the latte as tasting “like fall,” and “like a sweet, liquid pumpkin pie,” but they need to relax—in reality, there isn’t any actual pumpkin in that $4.50 Grande Latte they’re craving.

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Study break of the day: Frappuccino Happy Hour

It’s that time of the year again! The ever-generous Starbucks gods have announced the return of Frappuccino Happy Hour! Today through May 13, you can go to Starbucks any time between 3 and 5 p.m., unabashedly order your favorite Frappuccino drank and get it half off! Just because we’re not middle school preteens who exclusively wear sweatpants and Abercrombie jeans doesn’t mean we can’t indulge in a Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino every once in a while. So leave the SciLi stacks and treat yo’self to a venti. After all, it’s reading period and it’s not going to get much better.