In preparation for tomorrow’s long-awaited Democratic Congressional Primary, here’s a quick profile of the Democratic candidates in Rhode Island’s first district:

Anthony Gemma – 2012 marks Gemma’s second run for Congress. Last time around, he lost to David Cicilline, the current incumbent, by a landslide. This year, polls show that Gemma is doing much better, only trailing by five percent in the latest WPRI poll. Most recently, Gemma made headlines for announcing evidence proving voter fraud in the Cicilline camp. Gemma’s highly publicized announcement did not result in the jump he had obviously hoped it would inspire. Judging from his performance in last weeks debate, Gemma’s new strategy is just aimlessly walking around Providence convincing people that he can bring “JOBS” — hopefully referring to more than this sign.

David Cicilline – In January, very few believed that Cicilline was going to be able to pull off a win in this election. While Cicilline may be leading against his Democratic brethren, he’s certainly still straggling behind the Republican candidate Brendan Doherty in the polls. These past few months, Cicilline has been called everything from “corrupt” to a “liar” to “fake.” In last week’s debate, Gemma remarked “I’ve never heard someone talk so much, but says so little.” Oh.  [Read more →]

What the Quahog? While you were stumbling around this weekend and enjoying the wonderful music of Sepalcure, Rhode Island was dealing with bigger problems (than the line outside Fratty at the Ratty). According to WPRI, in an attempt to “replenish [the] local shellfish population,” the state is going to transport 150,000 pounds of “adult quahogs” to a “shellfish management” zone. Don’t know what a quahog is? Neither did we… but a quick google search resulted in the following probable definition: a quahog is a hard-shelled clam, native to the New England area. Here’s hoping that this will work! #riproblems

Providence: leading the nation in something? Providence was recently named one of the 25 most porn-friendly cities in Men’s Health. Coming in at number 21, it beat out notable cities in Ohio and everyone’s favorite, New Jersey. Apparently, the rankings were determined by analyzing the numbers of DVDs bought or watched online and number of “adult entertainment stores per city.”

Election roundup, cont. GoLocalProv crowned Rhode Island’s newest congressional candidate with a “Who’s Not [Hot]“ rating to this week, calling Anthony Gemma’s entrance into the race for the 1st district’s seat “bizarre.” Gemma has been very reluctant to speak to the press about, well, anything and won’t acknowledge Cicilline. Snubbing just isn’t cool. Ever.

Owen Patrick Kennedy, son of former Rhode Island congressman Patrick Kennedy, was born Sunday and released from the hospital yesterday, destined for a path of political greatness. According to media reports, the young future president slept through his first press conference, an apparent attack on what the 2-day-old today called “the media’s polarizing and irresponsible behavior over the last three years of Obama’s presidency.”

Anthony Gemma, famous for his fictional “yo momma” fight with Congressman David Cicilline ’83 last week, has officially announced his candidacy challenging Cicilline for the Democratic nomination in the race to represent Lil Rhody’s first congressional district in D.C. In his announcement, Gemma told Cicilline his “campaign is so weak, [his] grandmother’s super PAC could raise more money than him.” In response, Cicilline mocked Gemma, saying he “couldn’t understand why a man [he] beat so badly two years ago would want a rematch.” He added, “Unless of course he just wants to see firsthand how a congressman makes a grown man cry.” (Source: Wikipedia)

Newt Gingrich’s wife Callista was spotted campaigning for her husband in a library in East Providence yesterday. Sitting next to someone dressed as an elephant, the national animal of the United States (maybe?), the First Lady-hopeful read to local children from her own children’s book, called Sweet Land of Liberty. Though we at BlogDailyHerald have not read the book — it shockingly hasn’t been assigned in any of our classes — we presume the title of the book is referring to the moon, the Gingrichs’ favorite destination.

I know the weather’s looking B-E-A-U-tiful this morning, but nay! to weather.com. I just can’t get over the fact that you’re advertising a social site for people to talk about the weather?

Nay! for unemployment. Today, WPRI reported that if not for Sacremento, CA, Providence would be the only city in America to have job losses this year. Rhode Island currently has the second highest unemployment in the nation, standing at 11%.

Yea! for truth in the form of PolitiFact, which has repeatedly corrected presidential contender Mitt Romney’s claim that 92 percent of jobs lost in the last three years belonged to women. Romney visited the Ocean State and boasted this statistic on Wednesday.

Fake ID trumps true identity. Governor Chafee’s son Caleb, 18, was arrested trying to buy alcohol at a liquor store in Jamestown, R.I. Police were called and Caleb was charged. He could face a $500 fine. Caleb, word of advice — when you’re the governor’s son and you’re buying liquor in his state, just get a friend to get you booze. Or, another option: go to Spiritus, where they’re very apolitical.

Back-and-forth gets personal. Anthony Gemma, prospective primary challenger to Representative David Cicilline ’83, questioned the timing of former Providence mayor Cicilline’s admission that he made false statements during the 2010 campaign about the city’s financial situation. The accusation was challenged by Cicilline, who told the Providence Journal (#projoswag) he doubted the timing of Gemma’s decision to register as a Democrat. Gemma countered by saying he questioned the timing of Cicilline’s mother’s decision to register as a Democrat. Cicilline responded with “Yo momma’s so far to the right, the Tea Party told her to get with the times.” (At least half of that story is true.) #electionseason

The crumbling masses. In a story that’s sure to light the country on fire, the R.I. Coastal Resources Management Council has denied a South Kingstown petition to build a retaining wall alongside Mantunuck Beach Road, an initiative that would work to secure the road against further erosion damage. President Obama, where is the federal leadership on this issue?! The country is eroding in front of your very eyes! (“Eroding,” did you catch that?)

Threatening the police is never a good idea… Though Senator Dominick Ruggerio faced drunk driving charges last week, the bigger news had to do with Senator Frank Ciccone. At the time of his friend’s arrest, Ciccone went up to police officers and threatened them. Ciccone’s following statement was released alongside the police report:

“You think you got pension problems now, wait ’til this [expletive] is all done. This guy voted against you the last time, it ain’t gonna get any better now.” Ciccone was referring to the state’s municipal pension problem, which has some police departments facing wholly unfunded pension funds.

When Ruggerio’s car pulled over, Ciccone seemed to emerge out of thin air, walking along the street towards the arrest. Who said politicians aren’t humble? And who said they aren’t wizards? [Read more →]

Minor offenses. Two people were arrested in East Providence over the weekend for serving alcohol at a party to a number of children — one as young as 6 years old. Though police said the child only consumed a small amount of alcohol, at least one woman has been charged with purchasing alcohol for a minor as well as contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Hard to say if this is funny, or if we should preserve the dignity of minors along with their identities.

Who let the dogs (food) out? Rhode Island will no longer allow the beef additive known as “pink slime” in its school food starting next year. Pink slime was outlawed as an additive in human-consumed food until 2001; before that, it was only used in dog food. If it’s not melted pink Starburst, why are we even bothering to consume something called pink slime? That mystery meat is goin’ to the dogs.

“I totally am 21… It says so right here on my… voter ID card!” Rhode Island’s Secretary of State Ralph Mollis is spearheading a program that is handing out free voter ID cards for residents who don’t have driver licenses or other forms of identification. Residents will be barred from voting if they do not have some type of identification to register. Hey Mollis, I’m sure there are plenty of “21-year-old” voters up here on College Hill who need some of those “voter ID cards,” and I’m sure they’d be willing to ensure the elections went your way… wink, wink… nudge, nudge… cough, cough.

Keeney Quad: the model of cleanliness. The City of Providence will be testing all 3,000 of the city’s fire hydrants in the month of April. According to WPRI.com, “Officials say the testing could agitate main water supply lines and result in discoloration of the water,” and are urging residents “to run the water until it flows clear.” Question: How will students be able to differentiate this specific discoloration from the normal discoloration of the slush that flows through the Keeney pipes?

Stop trying to make “fetch” happen! Video of high-school aged girls fighting each other in Newport, RI, has recently surfaced online. The video has led psychologists to determine that “teen girl violence” is increasing due to social media, which facilitates bullying and extreme emotional responses. This seems like a fairly decent conclusion until you consider that Tina Fey figured out a long time ago that teenage girls are just plain crazy, on and off the computer.

If planking on city property is cool, then consider them Miles Davis. Providence police are investigating pictures of two women “planking” on a city police van, according to the Providence Journal (how is this possibly “BREAKING NEWS?”). Planking — individuals lying in the plank position in funny or outrageous places — burst onto the online scene in the past year, leading to thousands of such pictures. The Providence Police discovered the criminal photos on Facebook. Further ProPo investigations will explore who put a picture of chief of police Hugh Clements’ cat on Cats that Look Like Hitler and who managed to take a nude picture of Governor Lincoln Chafee ’75 P ’14 and post it on BrownBares.

No taxation without protest(ation). Opponents of Chafee’s proposed meal tax increase are staging a “tea party” downtown Wednesday to protest the two percent hike that they say will hurt business. Despite a desire to emulate our good founders, this group is taking precautions to make sure the tea they are throwing into the Providence Harbor does not pollute it. Other examples of protests utilizing historical references: retail stores burning their bras, car dealers holding a million van march, and of course, Pawtucket’s controversial decision to secede from the Union. It’s about states’ rights!

He’s a centenarian, not a centaur. A Providence local has turned 100 years old. At a surprise birthday gathering, Albert Gabriel revealed to ABC6 that his secret for living a long life was to not “get aggravated.” Is he trying to say he has lived in Providence for a hundred years and not gotten aggravated? Not even when FishCo closed? How about the demise of pizza in a cone? What about its rise? Really?

The Luck of the (not really) Irish! The Mayor presided over the city’s “annual St. Patrick’s Day celebration” Saturday, announcing that “Irish heritage and culture are ‘alive and well’ in the capital.” This means that hostilities on both sides of the now infamous University-Providence debate were put down for at least one day this past week as Angel enjoyed his bagpiping and Irish step-dancing and Brown students enjoyed drowning their sorrows (over midterm season) in gallons of Natty Light Guinness.

What happens in Vegas stays in… Newport? Last week, state Senator Harold Metts proposed that “additional revenue earned by adding table games to Newport Grand and Twin River” casinos be used to fund education in the state. The general assembly has not yet passed the legislation that would even allow the table games to exist in the state’s casinos, but the senator has “introduced the legislation just in case.” Should the state continue allocating funds it doesn’t yet have? Isn’t that how the state got into this State of the City mess?

ProJo, please stop. Please? In this week’s edition of “the ProJo doesn’t know how to classify BREAKING NEWS,” everyone’s second favorite Providence publication announced that… wait….wait for it… SPRING POLLEN HAS BEEN DETECTED EARLY THIS YEAR. OMG. Wow. This is the earliest it has ever been reported?! Is Sisqo coming to Spring Weekend? PLEASE TELL US MORE, PROJO!