WHY THE F@CK IS IT COLD AND SUNNY

I understand that the title may have betrayed a few aspects of my identity— yes, I’m from Florida; yes, I was born in California; yes, I’m obnoxious. But I resent that Providence’s temperature has been turned into a disgusting display of identity politics. I’m tired of my Northern brethren sneering at my plight— only after I tell them from where I hail. Northern or southern, rural Montana mountaineer or Bay area bro— are we not all human? Do we not all bleed red when cut? Do we not all have functioning nervous systems capable of recognizing how cruel the Providence wind can be?

Look, don’t get the wrong idea. I’m not one of those southerners, I did my research. I didn’t show up to Brown with a single pair of sandals in hand and a few pastel colored shorts, naively expecting the Northeast to cater to me. No, I perused Winter Coat Weekly for months before deciding on my perfect synthetic feather-filled friend. I weathered the jeers of my friends as I asked them innocent questions like “Why can’t I just wear my jean jacket?” I did my due diligence, all in the efforts to keep myself toasty in the icy winter months.

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This weather makes us S.A.D.

Weather bumming you out?

Well, it’s November and Providence has finally decided to show its true colors. This gross cold/wet rain/sleet combined with the incredibly jarring change to 3 hours of sunlight, thanks to the end of Daylight Savings Time, has left quite a few of us reeling.

Luckily, the ProJo anticipated our depression and is offering up some advice for dealing with crappy weather and diminished sun. Tips include soaking up some sun whenever you have the chance, using bright lights indoors, exercising, and eating a Mediterranean diet. Wut. Don’t think the Ratty’s rice pilaf is going to undo the mindfuck that is Daylight Savings Time.