Last week, Harvard’s Fifteen Minutes magazine released its list of the 15 hottest students in Harvard’s freshman class. The internet responded accordingly. First, Gawker offered its perspective on the situation, hoping to gain clarity on “exactly what medical steps are being taken to correct their thermoregulatory disorders.” Then, Fifteen Minutes’ parent publication, The Harvard Crimson, released its list of the 14 coldest freshmen at Harvard, satisfying the curiosity of those who desperately wanted to know what was taking place at the “other end of the spectrum.”
The sheer absurdity of Fifteen Minutes’ list got us thinking, too. At first, we were confused. On what basis and/or metrics does one rate another’s “hotness”? Is it their physical appearance? Their body temperature? The degree to which they’re hot and bothered? Determined to apply a similar framework in a Brunonian setting, we went out on a search for Brown’s 15 hottest freshmen, and we found them. Our metrics? These freshmen had to be as toasty as Flatbread Co.’s wood-fired ovens—drenched in sweat, feverish, thirsty, red-faced, and clad in multiple layers.
We now present to you the Brown Class of 2017’s 15 hottest freshmen. (See full profiles after the jump.)