5 Reasons Your Sims Have A Better Life Than You

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You may or may not know this, but Sims 3 (and a host of expansion packs) is available for download online for $25–a small price to pay to relive the glory days of your youth. The nostalgia alone from the fact that the game takes two hours to load, once opened, is enough to reduce me to tears every time. Nothing makes a late-90s,  early-2000s kid happier than drowning their virtual likeness in their massive pool, and trying to make the Grim Reaper take their unwanted love child instead. But playing The Sims does have its downsides. No matter how similar you make you and your Sim, you will never be able to type “rosebud;:;:” in the upper-left-hand corner of your life and get millions of dollars to buy thousands of genie lamps. Here are the top 5 reasons your Sim’s life is better than yours:

1. Promotions

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Ever wished that instead of a waitress making minimum wage and living for tips, you could be a world famous chef worth millions? According to The Sims, all you have to do is read a cookbook, and wait for your boss to call with your next promotion. Wish that instead of a test subject for other people’s experiments, you could be a top scientist working on curing the latest global epidemic? Easy, play chess with your neighbors one afternoon! You’ll be amazed at how the logic acquired from your game translates directly to your job saving lives with science.

2. Children

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Think $250 a day is too much to pay for a maid? So does your Sim. Luckily, they have an adoption process that requires no paperwork or vetting whatsoever. There are no child education requirements in The Sims world and DCFS basically only shows up if you starve the kid. So why not use your child as your personal housekeeper? No reason. Children can take out the trash, clean up the leftovers from when your Sim “served breakfast,” and even recycle the newspapers that have accumulated on your lawn because the paper boy just can’t take a hint.

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