Michael Bublé’s Christmas Songs Ranked

December is here, which means that it is finally socially acceptable to start listening to Christmas music.

As for me, Christmas music is a year-long entity in my life; and by Christmas music, I mean Michael Bublé’s 2011 Christmas album. The gift that keeps on giving, this album is Bublé’s take on some of the season’s most popular tunes. 15 songs (technically 16, if you count the 8-second “Christmas Welcome Message”) in total – it is time for the Pop Culture Guru to rank them.

 

15) Jingle Bells

It’s a shame that maybe the most well-known song on this album is easily Bublé’s worst output. Featuring the Puppini Sisters – a vocal trio that looks like they came here in a time machine straight from the Roaring 20s – this adaptation is clunky at best and disgustingly bad in reality.

 

14) Silent Night

*Sigh* God damn, this one is boring. I thought the point of this album was to modernize and reinvent some Christmas songs, but Bublé sounds like he can barely stay awake by the time the first chorus comes around. If you can somehow make it all the way to the children’s choir part, I applaud you.

 

13) Santa Baby — or should I say, Santa “Buddy”

This is frankly a pretty bad song in general, and there’s not much Bublé can do to fix it. I just don’t think it should have been on the album in the first place.

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Top 10 Glee Performances

Some of you may be wondering: why am I ranking the ten best Glee performances ever? To that, I have no real answer other than that I felt like it. A number of factors were considered for the ten songs that made it on to this list – as well as the thousands of other nominees that just missed the cut – ensuring that this would be an accurate evaluation of Glee’s wide-ranging canon of vocal performances. You will not be seeing any Season 5 or 6 performances on this list because, unlike a fine wine or a Pierce Brosnan, Glee did not get better with age. Enjoy:

 

10) “I’ll Stand by You” – Finn (Season 1, Episode 10)

This is by far Finn’s best solo performance, but I will say that it was a bit odd to see him singing a love song to a sonogram. Awkward moment when his mom walked in on him. Also, I used this version of the song as inspiration for my acapella audition last year. Did I get a part? God no.

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Top 10 Worst/Best Icebreakers

This is for all the freshmen and transfer students out there.

In your honor, I have listed all worst/best icebreakers I’ve partaken in and/or heard about. I also added sarcastic commentary for effect — so it would really be in your interest to continue reading. After all, it’s best you prepare yourself — because if your first year at Brown is anything like mine was, a storm is coming…

  1. What’s your favorite ice-breaker? (Nope, not a meta-question. They meant the candy.)

  2. Turn to the person next to you and stare at them for ten minutes without speaking. Write down what you see. (As reported by someone in Introduction to Creative Non-Fiction whose name I do not know.) This allegedly made things icier than they had already been.

  3. What’s the weirdest noise you can make using only your body? (It was a combination of a yodel and a burp.)

  4. If you were an ice-cream, how would you want to be eaten? (The tension in the room thickened noticeably after this question. Fortunately, I’d left.)

  5. If you could be the one to liberate Dobby, what color sock would you give him? (Even though this is essentially an interesting way of asking someone their favorite color, it’s undermined by the fact that someone asked what your favorite color was. It doesn’t really get more generic than that.)

  6. What moral school of thought do you subscribe to? (Okay, fine. This may have been asked during an introductory Moral Philosophy lecture, but still. It counts.)

  7. What are you most insecure about? (I mean… that would definitely break any ice. And probably produce other effects, as well. )

  8. What’s your favorite type of calculator? (If it’s anything other than a TI-84, it’s not even worth breaking the ice with you.)

  9. What good quality do you pride yourself on? (I was oddly tempted to answer with “humility”…)

  10. What’s your favourite publication at Brown? (Trick question, everyone knows the only correct answer is BlogDailyHerald.)