In a completely subjective ranking by HerCampus.com, Brown has been deemed the most progressive school in the nation. Considering we’ve dipped our toes in the top lists of sexiest, hipster-est, and happiest schools–just to name a few–it only makes sense that we’d come out on top in an all-encompassing ranking of liberality and forward-thinking. Being labeled as the “most progressive” basically covers all the artsy/alternative/offbeat/generalize-as-you-will bases in one foul sweep. In other words, Brown continues to be regarded as the shit.
It’s pretty safe to say that size envy has been part of the male psyche for a very long time. Think back to the 17th century, when European monarchs played “whose is bigger” with their castles (I’m talking to you, Louis XIV). We still get involved with such mind games, but now we’re talking about penises. This week, Time published research done by condomania.com about America’s buying habits when it comes to condoms. The website sells and delivers condoms throughout the country, and in their study they compiled sales data from across the country to determine the relative sizes of states’ male members.
At first I questioned the validity of this survey because, let’s be honest, who has ever ordered condoms online? But after perusing Condomania, it seems like they actually know their stuff when it comes to condoms. They literally have pages and pages of different types of condoms, as well as other sex toys. Who knew that you could import condoms from Japan, or buy vegan lube? [Read more →]
First Buzzfeed, and now DailyBeast: if you’re a moderately acceptable to less-than-reputable news source, you probably think Brown is super sexy. As of this morning, DailyBeast ranked Brown #19 on its list of the 20 Sexiest Colleges. According to the site, they used College Prowler data to assess the attractiveness of students, and the sexual health report card put out by Trojan Condoms (Brown was #2) in determining each school’s sexual health. So basically they copy-pasted preexisting data into an informal PowerPoint. But we came out
on top near the top, so who cares? Worth noting: on a ten-point scale, Brown females were rated .5 points higher than males… can someone with math knowledge tell me if that is statistically significant?
Anyway, feel free to check out the whole list here. It will take literally less than a minute of your time.
Put down your n+1 magazine and that cup of fair-trade coffee; Brown has officially beat our College Hill frenemie RISD on HerCampus’ most recent list of “The Most Hipster Schools.” Our more artistic (but apparently less artsy) neighbors come in at No.6, while Brown stands at a respectable fourth place. The Providence Journal seemed pretty excited by the news — after all, it is pretty great to live in a city run by
the mafia artisans, writers, and their wanna-be friends.
HerCampus’ blurb on Brown mentions our Spring Weekend concert spirit, our overuse of the word “heteronormative,” and our commitment to drinking Narragansett. There’s also a mention of a couple whose meet-cute occurred at a thrift store, making our school (supposedly) a breeding ground for “ironic romances.” Still, as much as we all want our lives to be the plot of the next mumble-core playing at the Avon, I’d suggest not venturing down to Savers hoping to find a significant other in the bargain-bin.
HerCampus is a blog hoping to provide the need-to-know to college women, with contributors from our student body as well as universities across the country. Check out the full site here.
This is one useless ranking I can be down with. Brown tied with Stanford and Harvard (whatever) on PayScale.com’s list of highest paid graduates, averaging a starting salary of $52,300 and a mid-career salary of $119,000. While CNN implied that we’re essentially a bunch of sell-outs (“more than a third of graduates end up roaming the halls of Corporate America”), it’s worth noting that 51% of grads believe their jobs are meaningful. Those are good odds, right? So perk up, humanities concentrators, we got this!
The U.S. Department of Education recently released a list of the top 25 freshmen retention rates of private colleges and universities. The difference between consecutive rankings here comes down to a fraction of a percent—Brown has an average retention rate of 97.5 percent, coming in at
an unlucky a respectable thirteenth place. According to a Yahoo! news report, this officially renders Brown the school with the thirteenth happiest freshmen. The equivalency being presumed between retention and happiness can be easily deconstructed and dismissed, but it’s easier just to point out how irrelevant Yahoo! is.
Unfortunately, they aren’t the only ones that mark these statistics as a measure of our happiness—HuffPo and CBS News, among others, do the same. We always find it disconcerting when studies attempt to calculate the amount of happiness someone has (or a group people have), but in this case it is particularly discomforting as Princeton is ranked happiest. Sorry, but if this letter situation is happening at your school, you can’t win the happy-go-lucky award. Also, Princeton sorta just sounds sad. (Whoever said orange was the new black was seriously disturbed.)
We commend these sites for trying to gauge our happiness, but laugh at their shortcomings. [Read more →]
Brown placed sixth on USA Today College’s list of “25 healthiest colleges in the country.” The article recognized our “accessible sexual health resources, positive reviews of the health centers, condom availability, health awareness programs for students, STI testing on campus,” and our number-two spot on Trojan’s 2012 sexual health report card.
But here’s the kicker: It’s kind of funny that in explaining why we placed sixth, USA Today College cited our—wait for it—crepe bar. The fact that the crepe bar is mentioned as a “healthy option” may confuse almost every student who dabbles in Sunday brunch. Public Health concentrators are facepalming everywhere. Sure, it may be the reason we go to the Ratty on a Sunday, but we’re not checking out the crepe bar—chock-full of chocolate sauce, whipped cream, and strawberry sauce (yes, sauce, not fruit)—to stay fit. That’s what Blue Room salads are for.
The article also showed some love for the “Roots and Shoots” line at the Ratty, for its vegetarian, vegan, and locally grown options. For those of us who are vegetarian or vegan at Brown, Roots and Shoots is the Ratty. Seriously though—I dare you to find a vegan student on campus who doesn’t eat the brown rice pilaf at least three times a week. Or you can just take my word for it and focus on your finals.
Think you’re sexy, cute and fucking smart to boot? BuzzFeed has now confirmed your hubris. According to an index derived from useless rankings from Forbes and DateMySchool, Brown is the Sexiest, Smartest College in the United States of America. With 5th place hotness and 19th place academics, Brown crowded out several other Ivies (including Harvard and Princeton) and the notoriously sexy-smart (?) Carnegie Mellon for the top spot. Take a stomp around the Main Green and breathe in the sultry intelligence that is the Brown student body. Raise your eyes from your computer in the AQR and check out the nubile nerds that populate its silent space. And tonight while you’re making love to a stunning coed, recite some of Plato’s Symposium for good measure.
Perhaps you are enjoying a bag of delicious Deep River kettle cooked potato chips as you read this, or pigging out on multiple rounds of some sugary Ratty treat (or both… I don’t judge), but don’t feel too guilty about
indefinitely prolonging the Freshman 15 your unhealthy eating choices. Overall, we’re considered a pretty healthy bunch!
According to the health and fitness website greatist.com, Brown ranks 6th on their list of “25 Healthiest Colleges in the US.” The website commends our locally grown food options, and vegetarian/vegan alternatives. Not surprisingly, they also mention our excellent Health Services, specifically those relating to sexual health and safety. So, next time you feel like complaining about Brown’s allegedly crappy dining hall food or subpar health services, just remember that there are those who think otherwise! Who cares if some Harvard-adoring academic ranking systems don’t realize our true merit – I’m looking at you, US News & World Report Rankings – rejoice because we’ve got great access to healthy food and condoms!
This is not the kind of ranking you’d usually expect to hear about Brown. We’re used to #1 douchiest or #5 most stressful, things like that. But, believe it or not, graduateprograms.com – the sites with self-descriptive names are always the sketchy ones – has ranked us 2nd in the country for our graduate engineering program. Graduateprograms.com, which, according to Brown Engineering’s website, may or may not also be known as graduatestudents.com, put us only .1 “stars” behind leader Cornell – BOOOOO – and ahead of traditional leaders in the field such as M.I.T. and Carnegie Mellon. Just a few years after the creation of the undergrad engineering school, it seems the program as a whole is doing quite well.
This award, however, might not be the most important discovery of the day. Brown Engineering’s site has also taken the single most
misleading flattering picture of Barus & Holley that could ever be imagined (see above). To the genius photographer responsible for this: PLEASE find us a similar angle for the Scili Desert.