The only remark I’ve heard among my friends more than “I have like noo points left” is “I am in love with my TA.”

First, the reasoning behind this how-to post not only comes from my friends’ whining, excessive Facebook stalking, and primping before section, but also a(n) pathetic inspirational post from a certain New Haven school’s blog. The writer of the column confessed that he professed his love for his TA with the timeless “Hi, I love you, sushi tastes good with me” pick-up line.

Side note: You want to know the real difference between us and Yalies? We have social skills and they don’t. (If you don’t get that reference, please cancel your next Wednesday night debauchery-filled plans and watch the late current train wreck Lindsay Lohan’s masterpiece.)

While we don’t suggest you use the aforementioned Yalie’s pick-up line, here are a few tips on how to woo your TA into bed this Valentine’s Day: [Read more →]

Tinder. You’re probably familiar with it. Hopefully part of this familiarity stems from having read our post on the subject a few days ago. It made us men (or, to be more accurate, boys) look pretty silly. Don’t worry, though, because here’s a dirty little secret–there are some pretty silly young women on Tinder as well. Some of you may not know this even if you’ve been using Tinder, because you are saying ‘yes’ only to hot girls who never say ‘yes’ back to you. I had this issue. I resolved it quickly by saying yes to everyone, which got me over 55 (mostly) heterosexual women as matches. Here are some of the choicest encounters. Happy Valentine’s Day, Tinder lovers!

Tinder Match #1:

The biggest problem with Match #1–the first girl I talked to on Tinder, and one of the more attractive–was that she looked like a middle-schooler. Also, the part of the conversation that’s cut off is her telling me she just got out of the shower, which seemed suggestive but apparently wasn’t. She remains the only girl to block me.

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Every year, it seems like a chosen few people get to go on dates on Valentine’s Day. The rest of us get to be single, miserable, and alone Independent Men and Women a la Destiny’s Child. If this year, however, you’re among The Chosen Ones, you’re going to want to make that date really special. After all, it’s Valentine’s Day. People have expectations. Hallmark and Valentine’s Day (that knock-off of Love Actually that came out three years ago) have taught us that Love will always come in the form of chocolates, roses, and grand romantic gestures that somehow involve Taylor Swift and abstinence.

I learned love from somewhere more realistic: reality TV. Specifically, the classic dating show: The Bachelor, which is currently on its 17th season of Love. So for you first-time Valentine’s Day daters (or chronic daters who are looking to spice things up), here are my dating tips for you:

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Happy Valentine’s Day! Hope all of your dreams of teddy bears, chocolate, flowers, and snuggle time come true. You submitted your love notes, and we kept our part of the deal: Let these love notes set your love lives in motion. Check them out after the jump:

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Need a Valentine’s Day card for the history concentrator/general nerd in your life (read: me)? Ben Kling has you covered. This card also comes in Mandela, Nietzsche, and Curie forms.

Image via.

The $10 holiday shopping challenge is back, and this time with some good ole’ fashioned Blog v. Blog competition. Looking for the most bang for your Valentine buck? Well we are here to help. Who said wooing your sweetheart had to break the bank? It’s the thought (and $10) that counts, right?

While I took my $10 budget to CVS, Jason headed to East Side Mini Mart to see which convenience store would prove to be the most fruitful in our pursuit of a seemingly-expensive wow-worthy Valentine.

CVS:
- Singing Hallmark Card – $4.99
- Russell Stover Assorted Chocolates – $4.99
TOTAL: $9.98

East Side Mini Mart:
- Lays BBQ Flavor Chips – $2.00 (on sale)
- Easy Mac – $2.69 (giggle)
- Ben+Jerry’s – $5.60 (big money!)
TOTAL: $10.29

Bottom Line: If you’re looking for the route of the classic romantic, CVS is your destination. C’mon, you can’t really go wrong with Hallmark and chocolate. Though many say that the way to a college student’s heart is through convenience foods, I don’t know if Easy Mac is going to get you “lucky” this Valentine’s Day.

It’s here, Brunonia: That day that makes you feel, depending on your relationship status, either more self-conscious or more hot-and-bothered than when your calculus TA checked you out at SexPowerGod.

For you lucky ones who have found that significant other at Brown, V-Day is a lot of pressure. What could you possibly do to show your loved one that there’s no one you’d rather be spending the big day with besides your Neopet Chomby? Chocolates are classic, but it will be obvious you got them with flex points at Little Jo’s. And if you’re broke and blew all your points on Spindrifts in the first week, that Valentine’s Day dinner will be less romantic on meal credits at the Ratty. But don’t worry, I have the perfect solution for you struggling souls. I’ve put together a love poem that describes just how deep your love goes, Brown style, with a lot of a little help from RhymeZone.com. I guarantee that if you read your loved one this poem, while standing on top of the bear statue on the Main Green accompanied by an a capella group, you will end up getting married (well, there’s a 60% chance if you both live in Perkins). Interpretive dance moves encouraged—maybe get some tips from the Poler Bears. Go out there and spread the Brunonian love.

You’re spicier than a Jo’s Spicy With
And classier than a Darwin’s fifth
You’re sweeter than V-Dub soft serve
And ENGN9′s grading curve
You’re sexier than SexPowerGod
And streaking across Wriston Quad
You’re more entertaining than the Blue Room on Sundays
Watching hungover chicks drink double shot lattés
You’re more distinct than an S with distinction
And watching a Bruno sports team win
You’re better than free Kabob & Curry
And getting first pick in the housing lottery
You’re wilder than the SciLi challenge
And the end-of-semester flex point binge
You’re chiller than the BroPo on 4/20
And Spring Weekend day-drinking when it’s finally sunny
You’re classier than that Thayer street walk of shame
The morning after Whisko can’t remember his name
You’re crazier than all this shit that goes down
You’re better than the best of Brown.

If that doesn’t get your loved one climbing the bear statue to be with you, I don’t know what will. Feel free to add your own verses based on inside jokes and experiences, like “You’re hotter than when we did it on the Sayles organ / And sorry for that time I yelled ‘Oh, Piers Morgan!’”

Hey, you. Yeah, you. You, sitting there reading this with tears rolling down your face as you gnaw at a giant Hershey’s Kiss your mom sent you. Okay, that’s not you – that was me, Valentine’s Day 2010. Trust me, I of all people know how much it sucks to be alone on Valentine’s Day.  I wrote a whole post about it last year, too. But here’s the first thing you can feel better about: your Valentine’s Day probably won’t be anywhere near as pathetic as mine was three years ago.

I know that it’s easy to feel like you’re the only single person on a campus full of couples, whether or not that’s actually true. Three of the seven serenades that will inevitably happen in City Politics this morning might be jokes sent between friends, but you don’t know that. On Valentine’s Day, it’s easy to put on those black heart-shaped sunglasses and see romance everywhere.

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When it comes to love, Trey Songz, D’Angelo, and Robin Thicke seem to have all the answers. If you’re at a loss for words this Valentine’s Day, why not let music do the talking for you and turn to those who have more experience under their belts (if you know what I mean)? After all, what’s better than some sweet tunes to set the mood and let your special someone know what’s up? Here are some songs that may help you on your way…you’ll be sure to get your point across.

And if you’re feeling sad on this day of love, I have two words for you: “Single Ladies.”  Or try some of the songs at the bottom of the playlist, beginning with Trey Songz’ “Can’t Be Friends,” and remember that you are not alone.

Tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day! Love! Affection! Flowers! Chocolate! Bitter singles! Pink and red colors everywhere! Decorated statues! Meal plan Valentine’s Day! Romantic comedies! Gail’s awesome heart-shaped earrings! Puppies! Balloons! Singing valentines and Mariachi bands! Snuggling at the Snuggery! Romantic comedies! Exclamation points and hearts like this <3!

TL;DR: Submit your love note to the object of your affection by filling out this form. It will end up in either a special issue of The Herald, on Blog, or on Brown University Compliments.

We love you. Besos. Xoxo. <3