A Single’s Guide To Valentine’s Week

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Another year, another twelve months of emotionally detached partners and terrible dates and random makeouts in public parks at 1 a.m. because your roommates won’t let you bring in strangers you met on Grindr anymore.

Now, the big 14th day of the shortest month of year is approaching, and CVS is one big clusterfuck of pink and red and bears and chocolates. I’m perfectly bitter fine with being single on Valentine’s Day! If you are, welcome to the club! If you’re in a relationship, think about whether you want to marry the person you’re with because we’re at an age where that is highly plausible (like raising kids and attending funerals with them type of commitment)!

V-Day can be pretty depressing for us single phes. Here’s a guide to avoid that this week.

Get off the grid.

I’m not talking about going to the extremes like cutting up your credit cards and moving to a rural town in Wisconsin without cellular service. Just turn off Facebook for a week so you won’t have to see posts gushing about how someone can’t believe they’ve found The One in a sea of 6,000 undergraduates! What a selection pool!

Delete Instagram. You don’t need to know that a couple has chosen to stay in and watch Netflix as their Valentine’s Day date because you’re already doing that! But, alone!

I recommend keeping Venmo to see which couples go dutch on their dates and then start a betting pool with your single friends to see how long they’ll last. Then post your winnings on Venmo.

Take a day trip on your own!

You don’t have to go to New York or Boston. It can be as simple as a walk up Hope Street!

I suggest stopping by Seven Stars Bakery and reading television writer Kristin Newman’s book “What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding.” A single thirtysomething, Newman traveled the world during TV hiatuses and hooked up with Russian bartenders and Latin priests.

Take time and explore another city–or Providence for that matter–without having to bother holding someone’s sweaty hands in this ridiculous and never ending cold weather.

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A Valentine’s Day guide to concentration-oriented pick-up lines

We’ve all been there. You’re at a rollicking social event, a certain special someone catches your eye, and you want to make a lasting connection — but you’ve exhausted the standard name/grade/concentration introductory trifecta. Where to move from there, with Valentine’s Day rapidly approaching on the calendar?

Thankfully, elaborating upon the diverse array of concentrations offered here at Brown University is perfect for taking the conversation one step forward. Pretend like you actually know a thing or two about their field of study and woo the person of your choice just in time for February 14th with this collection of romantic, concentration-oriented phrases:

Chemistry

Geology

He/she/phe says: “I’m concentrating in Chemistry.”

You say: “Interesting. Tell me, are you sensing any chemistry right now?”

History

peter green

He/she/phe says: “Oh, I concentrate in History.”

You say: “History? Sounds like my ex-girlfriend/ex-boyfriend. Speaking of which, are you single?”

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Sextion: Four more sensitive body parts to stimulate this Valentine’s Day weekend

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Editorial Disclaimer: This post has been created by college students for college students.  It has been rated NC-17 for its sexual nature and anatomically graphic references. Please proceed at your own risk. Thanks for reading! Love, BlogDH

Last year, I told you about four of the most sensitive parts of the human body to make your Valentine’s Day Weekend (yes, it’s a weekend.) especially enjoyable. Clearly, you all enjoyed it so much that it was one of the 10 most-read Blog posts of 2013, so thank you! Now I’m back to tell you about four more body parts that you and your partner can use this Valentine’s Day to really heat up this incredibly chilly winter:

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Wanna see if you can get an S with Distinction?

BlogDH Presents: A very Brown Valentine

Singles Appreciation Day got you down? If you’ve got that special someone and are trying to find the right words to describe your feelings (besides thirsty), BlogDH has got you covered. Check out these very special Brown valentines.

1. Let me describe my feelings with food


If you like it you should put a (onion) ring on it

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Overheard at Brown: House of Cards edition

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Ladies and gentlemen, the time is upon us to indulge in another season of the political behemoth that is House of Cards. Before embarking on your Valentine’s Day binge, prepare yourself for yet another round of chilling quotes. The first season was chock full of ’em. To recap (in a spoiler-free way), I’ve decided to give some of the most memorable quotes a more Brown-centric context. BlogDH presents to you Overheard at Brown: House of Cards Edition:

  1. “I love that woman. I love her more than sharks love blood.” Most frequently heard after students interact with Gail. Hiiiiii!!!
  2. “I feel like I met the ‘real you’ for the first time right now.” Most common sentence said during the FYS “Who Am I?”
  3. “There is no better way to over power a trickle of doubt than a flood of naked truth.” Uttered by Julian Assange supporters in the Blue Room. Continue Reading

Your Brunonian baby naming guide

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This Valentine’s Day falls on the eve of a long weekend, prompting what could well be a long, lonely bus ride through Winter Storm Pax, perhaps en route to one’s anxiously awaiting paramour. Between the curse (blessing for some… eh? eh?) of the Pembroke seal and the rather phallic buildings scattered around campus, Brown is clearly a place for love birds.

My parents met at Brown, and I have many friends whose parents did, too. It’s not uncommon for two like-minded students to fall in love in the cozy SciLi basement, or perhaps even in the upscale, romantic, and sweet-smelling Ratty. It would only be fair for Brown-born couples to name their future children after the alma mater that first brought them together.

If you and your Brunonian lover find yourselves bored this Friday, here’s a great conversation starter. Nothing says “I love you” like “Let’s have babies together and then name them after Brown-related things!!!” In case you’re stumped, here are a few ideas to get your brainstorm going:

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