Sixth Man: Football

In case you hadn’t heard by now, a big, news-worthy rout happened recently–Brown football took down Yale, 20-0. Alright, I hear you all out there: “We play more football games after Homecoming? We play football games at all? We have Homecoming? We have sports? We go to ‘Brown’?” Yes on all accounts, and as it happens, we were lucky to schedule Yale, because they suck. (Actually, we weren’t really “lucky” to schedule them, since we play every Ivy League school by rule. But you get the point.)

It turns out that Yale’s tried-and-true offensive gameplan is “run backwards and get sacked or tackled for a loss three times in a row, then let our superhuman punter kick the ball 7 million yards.” Like seriously, holy shit, Yale’s punter is amazing! His gifts are probably in part due to the fact that he has to do his job every two seconds because Yale’s offense is depressingly horrendous, but damn. He’s got “All-Ivy” written all over him, and you know that nothing builds a resume quite like being named All-Ivy punter. He’s going places.

Anyway, our football team looked pretty good. Also they looked big, pretty damn big; i.e., I’m not about to say anything negative about them. But that’s not necessary anyway, since they actually played quite well, absolutely shutting down Yale’s crummy offense and moving the ball slowly but surely during two long touchdown drives (in addition to booting a pretty impressive 46-yard field goal). So huzzah for Da Bears–come check out their last home game (Senior Day) on Nov. 17 against Columbia. It’ll be a good time.

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